To think I have been the worst mother this school holiday!

[handwasher]

I just have to vent. I feel terrible and like I am an awful mother as I have found these school holidays such hard work and feel like I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown! I truely just want to put my head in my hands and cry.

DS is 4 and a half (starts school in Sept) DD is 2. They are both lovely but naughty and bloody hard work spririted. Although we have had days out I find it really hard to take them anywhere on my own as they are both bolters and I can't really trust them to stay with me. If we attempt to go out for a meal it is hell on earth as DD just crys, whines and runs around everywhere. I tried to take them to the cinema and again DD ran around screaming and kept wanting to leave whereas all the other kids her age sat still (although to be fair she is still quite young). This means that when it is just me during the week we have been limited in where we can go - no exciting theme parks or farms etc as I just can't do it on my own.

Even a simple trip to the shops becomes a nightmare of logistics and getting ready, and crying and screaming when we go round the store.

We have done crafts and baking and been to friends houses but this doesn't fill up the 13 hours that I have to fill each day so we have probably watched far too much TV but I just can't be entertaining all day surely? How do people fill the days?

I try to get them to play on their own, or just sit reading a book but they won't. They have a garden and plenty of toys but they just want to follow me around all day. I can't even seem to get any basic admin done as DD starts pressing the computer and pulling my legs etc. DD and DS seem to argue loads and whine and winge. DS wants to chat all the time and ask questions about diggers and trains which is tiring too.

They are watching a film at the moment and I feel like a faliure as I have not been the best mother this holiday and can't wait for school and pre-school to start. I'm a SAHM and have been with them all day every day all holiday. My DH is good when at home but he works away frequently and is not back till late on the nights he is back.

I just want to scream "leave me alone" at them! But obviously I don't. Everyoen else on facebook looks so happy. Like they are having a wonderful time with their well behaved kids. I see pics of their days out and wonder why I can't take mine out like that. I feel like my kids will just remember a grumpy mummy and will hate me for never taking them anywhere!

Even just reading this back I feel like a terrible mother for complaining.

drank seriously?

The children have been off school for 6 weeks! lots of people have limited spending money, some have no transport of their own, haven't been on holidays or days out, some parents are ill/disabled/heavily pregnant and finding it hard to do a lot with their DC...oh and did I mention the weather has been shit for most of us too?!

These things might sound like excuses to you but it's flipping hard work entertaining them all day when any or all of those things apply! Especially if you are a SAHM anyway, I can understand how mums who normally work FT may be filled with delight at the thought of several weeks off with DC.

I am very sad that so far I feel like I haven't given my DC a very exciting holiday. Yeah sure I've done fun stuff with them, but it's never enough for my 2! I would have liked to take them camping this weekend (weather dry, rates cheaper) and had started making some arrangements for it yesterday, then DH comes home and says he will have to work over the weekend after all. Not surprisingly at 36 weeks pregnant I don't feel up to taking my 3yo and 6yo camping alone!

But when I look back, I don't remember thinking the year the my youngest sister was born during the summer holidays was rubbish, so it isn't likely to have any lasting effect on children IMHO.

I completely sympathise! Mine are now 4 and 6 and it is a world away from 2and 4. I remember the tough days but at the moment they are being funny, playing nicely and great company! It gets easier!! Xxx

This is why, with a judicious combination of weekends with dh at home, two short holiday breaks and a couple of days at holiday club & nursery, I haven't done more than three days in a row with my two on my own in the whole six weeks. Once your eldest is at school and turned 5 you'll be able to access lots more holiday club type child care and it will ease the burden considerably. 4 and 2 is tough.

Oh and ignore dranksinatra. It must be so hard being up on a pedestal as a perfect parent who never has a bad day.

Putting a child in a situation they can't handle isn't fair on the child and it definitely isn't fair on you! You have to be realistic about what your children are capable of and stick to that for the time being. I know my DS can't be out of the house all day as he can't nap in the buggy and he'll turn into a screaming harpy by the afternoon due to lack of sleep. So I have to break the day into morning and afternoon with a gap in the middle at home for naptime. It's annoying but it just doesn't work any other way.

If children are bolters then clearly they are not at an age/understanding level where they can handle freedom. That's not their fault, and it's not your fault it's just a fact of life and you have to deal with it in a sensible way. Buggy/sling /wrist strap are essential and you need to restrict outings to places where they can bolt safely - so soft play, parks and other people's houses (within reason!). There is no point bringing them somewhere that they will only get told off, it's not fun for them and it's not fun for you, so why do it?

In a few years they will love the cinema, and walk nicely around the farm but you're not there yet. This time will pass and you'll berate them for it when they're adults. They're very young yet, give them time to learn.

confession time

Ds is currently timing how long it takes him to run up and down the stairs 40 times

In other news there are only 5 days left !

Everyone has a bad day but i guess in Dranksinatras case life is a bed of roses and if anyone dare complains about their kids, in her book it means they dislike their dcs

Oh and tv is your friend :)

Things will get easier.

I'd put the little one on reins/wrist strap or in a buggy so at least you can get out.

Think ahead for next summer. There is usually lots of free or reasonably priced stuff for just a few hours a day eg if your little boy went to football club a few days a week 10-3 it would give you a bit of breathing space - around here that type of thing costs £5/8 a day.

Try your local netmums, surestart, council for info.

Ummm last Summer things for me were just like you, mine were 2 and 4 and I didn't attempt anything on my own beyond a playground. Even supermarket trips were fraught and embarrassing. Online shopping was my friend, still is actually. I never attempted eating out with them actually. You're braver than me. I still had to use reins on DS a year ago and be very firm with DD on staying with me.

However this year they are now age 3 and 5 and it has been the best Summer yet. Much less squabbling between them, much less tantrums and I even took them into London by train to the Science Museum. Unthinkable a year ago.

Please do not be too hard on yourself. My kids are spirited too and just one year has made all the difference.

OP, I work FT

HOWEVER you have my sympathies as mine are same age

park, park, park, park! and some more park

~Thanks everyone - you have really made me feel so much better and given some good ideas too. I think that I always have high expectations of what I will be able to do with them in the holidays and then feel deflated when it doesn't work out.

DD has gone for a nap and DS is watching cbeebies so feeling a bit better. DS has also told me "its been great watching TV all day" - so obviously he doesn't feel too hard done by .

Will do some water painting this pm if the weather holds out

Oh yes I would plan something lovely and be excited and then either one or the other would be a complete nightmare whilst out, or they'd seem to take turns to have a tantrum and by the end of it I was so cross and gutted that I'd made all this effort to do something fun and neither had enjoyed it. It does get better

Remember also, no-one but no-one puts a pic up on Facebook of their kids having a tantrum though it would be a laugh if people started

Everyone with small kids and no help is frazzled by the end of the hols, and some by the end of the first day of the hols.

Yes, wear them out. Run their little legs off at the park.

Mine are 9 and 5.

We get out first thing, park usually. The longer they are in the more impossible they become.

Home for lunch.

Then out again, usually for swimming, we belong to a club, which is the best money I have ever spent.

Home for dinner and tired kids, if not tired enough I make them walk the dog with me and they love me for it!

Mine are just the same. Have you tried separating them, handwasher? Mine are now 6 and 3, so a bit older than your DC, but DD is now happy to go up to her bedroom to do colouring, play on her DS, do crafting (cutting up loads of bits of paper and making a huge mess, but I don't mind really :o), and DS is happy downstairs with the tv or playing with his toys. I bought him an Aquadoodle (saves getting paints out).

Defenetly take them out every day,somewhere safe like enclosed park,for a walk thru the fields(depending where u live),woods,city farms.who runs off has to sit in the buggy for a couple of minutes.plus messy playing in the garden.mine same ages they would drive me crazy If I was making them stay home all day.then when they are nice and tired some tv is fine.personally I don't like the tv on all day,they are children and can use toys and fantasy.

It may be a pain now, but having two close in age really pays off, mine are now 6 and 8 and are brilliant at entertaining themselves (not all the time, but certainly for hours on end). They are also much better behaved and don't have mega paddies, except perhaps the youngest if extremely tired. It does get better and much more fun, honest!

Theres loads you can do with them.Parks and soft play are the best.Then just run round in there after them if they struggle.2 year old can go in buggies most places.

Always take stuff to do or play with in restaurants.Involve them in silly games so its not telling them off but more positive etc.

Definitely don't be fooled by FB, we can all trick the world into believing life is a bed of roses on there! I remember years ago trying to get a photo of my three children in one of those photobooth things. They were arguing, shoving each other, moaning etc and I was getting flustered trying to put the money in - it was chaos. Yet when the camera flashed it captured one of the nicest photographs of them I've ever had! All cuddled up together grinning wildly for just a millisecond to be caught on film. The fighting resumed instantly afterwards too! I still have that photo in my purse and it makes me smile every time I look at it. The camera never lies? Bullshit! And even status updates are bollocks a lot of the time so take no notice. You sound like a great mum, a NORMAL honest mum. Crap mums don't self reflect on their parenting or seek advice.

yanbu!! I am exactly the same, I feel harassed to death and ashamed to admit that my only respite is the tv or wii!! Mine are 5 & 3 I am 34 weeks pregnant with my third. Its hard work and like you op I am alone A LOT! my husband works Monday to Saturday most weeks and long days (7:30-7 he is managing director of our business) so mon-sat I am practically a lone parent. I can't go for a poo without one of them wanting something. I am dreading next summer hols (i know its ages away yet) the thought of a 9 month old 6 year old and 4 year old agh, kill me now.

The only reason mine behave in public is because they're so grateful to be free of the manacles that chain them down in private.

You sound totally normal. Mine are 3 and 1.5 and I'm currently staring down the barrel of a long afternoon with nothing to do and rain outside. I'm sure there never used to be this many hours in the day.

Poor you... YANBU looking after Lo all day every day is tough, exhausting and frustrating at times. Mine are 3 and 4 and some days they are fine and others they whine from the second they get up , bicker, fight and seem to enjoy doing it next to me rather than giving me 5 minutes to breathe!
How about breaking day into chunks so it doesnt feel so overwhelming. So this AM we are going to play in the garden - I do thinks like football and bug hunting for half an hour and then in return I make tea, sit down and then tell them to play for 5 minutes. I dont actually tell them to play - I set them tasks like - "lets see who can collect the most leaves whilst mummy has a cup of tea". I also am unashamed to say that after a moring of glittering and baking, I do quite often bribe them into going upstaris and leaving me alone for a bit. I put the wendy house up in their room, stuff it full of blankets and then give them some treats to take up their and hide from monsters.... or whatever else they want to do. I know its hard and a 2 yo is less able to do things than a 4 yo... but try to encourage them playing alone / together without you each day. Start small and grow it gradually with rewards and you spending real time with them alternating with them leaving you alone! It will get better..... and like you said school holidays are nearly over. You will find such a difference by next year / Xmas / Easter 3, 6 and 9 motnhs time makes a big difference in what children can and want to do!

Drank - unhelpful to say the least