To think my dogs translator is faulty?

[rogersmellyonthetelly]

Everything I say seems to be interpreted by her as "jump
On the bed and lick everyone."
"look Peppa, the aliens have landed outside and are abducting our neighbours" = jump on the sofa and slobber anyone in reach
It's getting a bit annoying now, anyone know how I can fix the translator?

Bad news: it's not her translator, it's your receiver.

She's clearly transmitting 'letmeonthebedletmeonthebedlovemelovemelovemeIloveoyuIloveyouIloveyou' but for some reason you're picking up some weird human channel?

Have you tried drawing some eyebrows on her?

A bit of training not to lick anyone for a start here. After that, a bit of training not to get onto beds or upholstered furniture.

From the pen of the great Gary Larson.

\link{http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=QQU&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1280&bih=626&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=Opz1ZnFjy-x0dM:&imgrefurl=politicalmonkey2010.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/&imgurl=politicalmonkey2010.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/gary-larson-what-we-say-to-dogs-what-dogs-hear.jpg&w=936&h=629&ei=32s-UNjHEcnKswaPnIHgBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=113&vpy=151&dur=1064&hovh=184&hovw=274&tx=117&ty=110&sig=110831467606951459656&page=1&tbnh=120&tbnw=179&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:73\talking to dogs}

Dogs do not hear with their ears; they hear with their stomachs. Reward sitting/lying down (not on sofa) with treats. Ignore jumping up. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Unless she's a Springer in which case give up now.