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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie To DH about a business trip

57 replies

SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 03:57

I had a business trip booked - nowhere glamorous but I was looking forward to it in the way only a mother of young DC can!

Childcare was arranged everything was sorted and the trip has been cancelled. WIBU to pretend and "go" anyway? Obviously I'd have to pay for the flights and accommodation but I could check into a hotel for a couple of days, enjoy room service, read my book and just relax?

I am so tempted....

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 29/08/2012 04:03

Would you have to lie about it? Is your DH that unreasonable?

I'd try telling him that since it's all arranged anyway, you might as well go and take a break and catch up with some stuff while you're away (unless paying for it yourself is going to seriously inconvenience your finances)

But I wouldn't lie about it. Unless he's an abusive arse.

parachutesarefab · 29/08/2012 04:31

To lie about it - yes, YWBU.

But why not make the most of all the arrangements being in place. Is there a friend / relative you'd like to go and see? Or, if you desperately want time by yourself, find a nice B&B somewhere. (Unless you're seriously loaded, in which case go ahead with flights and hotel!)

mynewpassion · 29/08/2012 04:34

Yabu. Just tell you need a few days break as everything else is arranged anyways. And how was this impact your family financially as you will not be reimbursed for the trip.

Morloth · 29/08/2012 04:48

YABU to lie.

I would be very angry if DH did thus.

YANBU to let him know that as everything is sorted you would like to take the time for yourself.

mynewpassion · 29/08/2012 04:55

As long as you think it's okay for your husband to do the same, then go for it. If not, then you have your answer.

savoycabbage · 29/08/2012 05:04

It wouldn't cross my mind to do that and if my dh did it I would probably leave him.

I have away with my friends before. My dh has no problem with it. Although once I came home and he was feeding my dc a bucket of KFC on the living room floor.Grin

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 05:07

mynewpassion of course I wouldn't be ok with my DH doing it - I'd be horrified! Grin

thumb DH is not abusive and I think he'd probably accept the idea if I asked him - although he is a "doer" so the idea of my slobbing in a hotel for two days is not something he'd be able to get his head round!

Also when I say Childcare is sorted what I mean is DH has juggled his work commitments and our nanny will do an extra day both of which make me feel a teeny bit guilty.

Put it this way if I tell the truth I'm in for some serious payback at some point in the not too distant future Grin

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 29/08/2012 05:11

Well, if you are not ok with your husband doing it, then why are you even bothering asking the question?

Just be honest about it because maybe your husband would want to get away from you and the kids for a few days in the future too.

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 05:12

You see savoy that's what I want to do: the grown up female equivalent of eating a bucket of KFC off the floor - a bottle of Sauvignon blanc and some kettle chips on a hotel bed. But definitely without the D 's! Mmmmmmm

OP posts:
BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 29/08/2012 05:45

I definitely wouldn't do it without telling dh.

If you feel you deserve a little break then he could understand that?

In fact, if it was my dh going away, and he went away on te pretence of a business trip and the business trip was cancelled but he went anyway pretending to be on a business trip I would be highly suspicious of his actions.

Just tell him. It's not fair to be deceitful. Nor necessary.

EmmaBemma · 29/08/2012 06:23

No, I couldn't lie about it, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the break because I'd feel too guilty. I agree with the others, if it's important to you to get some time away then just tell him.

OhTheConfusion · 29/08/2012 06:41

If it is important and you need a break then tell your DH.

If my DH did what you are suggesting I would go nuts if I ever found out and probably assume he was having an affair, but if he asked I would understand.

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 29/08/2012 07:35

A woman in a Sophie Hannah book did this. It did not end well for her, IIRC...

Actually it rarely ends well for many women in Sophie Hannah books!

Can you go nearer to home in the same time slot once you've told DH? Save on flights at least.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 29/08/2012 07:42

What a tangled we we weave when we practice to deceive.

How would you answer the questions after? What was your conference like? Who went? Did you go out to dinner? You'd end up piling lie upon lie.

HecateHarshPants · 29/08/2012 07:54

No. don't lie. That is really unfair.

If a woman posted that her husband had done that, he'd be all kinds of bastard - and there'd be cries of affair, affair.

If you want a few days to yourself - say so.

If he wants a few days to himself, then he can have them when you get back!

There's nothing wrong with taking some time out but there is a lot wrong with deceit.

AThingInYourLife · 29/08/2012 07:54

If he's juggled his work commitments to make it possible for you to go, then I don't think it's even fair to ask to keep the arrangements in place so you can eat crisps in a hotel.

I would not be prepared to put myself out work wise so DH could do that, and I would be beyond furious if he lied to me to take advantage of me in the way you are suggesting.

If you need a break arrange a break that doesn't put so much strain on your husband, who presumably needs one every bit as much as you do.

scaevola · 29/08/2012 07:58

I would be absolutely horrified if DH lied about a cancelled work trip, and would see it as a major breach of trust.

How would you feel if he abused your trust by lying to you like that?

Littlemissimpatient · 29/08/2012 07:58

Could you instead plan a weekend with you and DH?
Please don't lie

Proudnscary · 29/08/2012 07:59

Ok hate to state the obvious but I will anyway!

If you came on here saying your dh pretended to go away on a business trip was actually on a holiday and lied to you...not only would everyone say he was a selfish, untrustworthy bastard but they'd also say are you sure he's not having an affair.

Of course you can't do this.

PooPooOnMars · 29/08/2012 08:02

You're not actually seriously considering it are you?

Nagoo · 29/08/2012 08:08

What everybody said.

Ywbu

AThingInYourLife · 29/08/2012 08:09

Proudn - that would be a fun thread

"Check his credit card bill for suspicious purchases!"
"On a date he was meant to be at a conference, there is a large amount of spending on crisps..."
"No one person could eat that many crisps - he must have had company. Affair!"

:o

GnocchiNineDoors · 29/08/2012 08:13

Well, ywbu to lie.

Tell.your dh you want a weekend away by yourself and.plan one that is suitable for all.

dondon33 · 29/08/2012 08:18

I'd immediately think the worst if my DP done this to me. It doesn't matter what the lie is about even if it's innocent. Once the trust is broken it's not easy to get back.

In your shoes I'd be honest, it's really not worth lying about. Explain to your dh that you were looking forward to some relaxation and would still like a break, as you said childcare is already in place so where's the problem.

YABtotallyU

EnjoyResponsibly · 29/08/2012 08:18

Don't fib, it'll bite you. Especially if your nanny finds out. The fallout there could be worse than fibbing to DH Grin

I think you should go off for a couple of days and chill though if you need a break.