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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie To DH about a business trip

57 replies

SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 03:57

I had a business trip booked - nowhere glamorous but I was looking forward to it in the way only a mother of young DC can!

Childcare was arranged everything was sorted and the trip has been cancelled. WIBU to pretend and "go" anyway? Obviously I'd have to pay for the flights and accommodation but I could check into a hotel for a couple of days, enjoy room service, read my book and just relax?

I am so tempted....

OP posts:
FallenCaryatid · 29/08/2012 08:41

Can you afford it?
I agree that you should be open with your DH and point out that you really want a breather, but definitely no lying!
Then the next chance he has to do something he wants to, you work with him so that he can.

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 09:02

proud it did occur to me that the MN response if reversed would definitely be an affair. How much more boring the reality of a good nights sleep and a lie in would be!

I don't think I'm really seriously not going to tell him, but I am rather set on the trip and it would be slightly more enjoyable if I didn't have to consider him having the same time off at a later date.

He gets a fair amount of time to do his thing so he's not hard done by!

OP posts:
bubalou · 29/08/2012 09:22

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I would tell him for the fact that although my DH trusts me and vice versa - if I found out I wouldn't be able to help but think that there was someone else you had met up with.

Just tell him. I'm sure he'll understand.

Smile

Why don't you compromise. Spend a smaller amount of money on a hotel closer to home - spend one night and one day there relaxing etc. Compromise.

porcamiseria · 29/08/2012 10:11

dont do it! just read a book on this, it did not end well

Book Description
Publication Date: 7 Aug 2008
Sally is watching the news with her husband when she hears a name she ought not to recognise: Mark Bretherick. Last year, a work trip Sally had planned was cancelled at the last minute. Desperate for a break from her busy life juggling work and a young family, Sally didnt tell her husband that the trip had fallen through. Instead, she booked a week off work and treated herself to a secret holiday. All she wanted was a bit of peace some time to herself but it didnt work out that way. Because Sally met a man Mark Bretherick. All the details are the same: where he lives, his job, his wife Geraldine and daughter Lucy. Except that the man on the news is a man Sally has never seen before. And Geraldine and Lucy Bretherick are both dead . . .
Show More
Show Less

plutocrap · 29/08/2012 10:18

That sounds an interesting book, porcamiseria, but you haven't included the title or author! Confused

Ephiny · 29/08/2012 10:20

I can definitely understand the temptation, but don't think I'd actually do it - as others have said, think how you'd feel if it was other way round and he did this?

McHappyPants2012 · 29/08/2012 10:25

i would tell him the truth

lies have no place in a relationship

AnyFucker · 29/08/2012 10:29

you are just musing, right ?

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 29/08/2012 10:57

Pluto it's The Point Of Rescue by Sophie Hannah.

StuntGirl · 29/08/2012 11:47

Of course ywbu to lie. Especially since you'd be putting your husband out to do so. Tell him and ask if he'd mind you going away anyway, and offer that he can do the same at a later date. To do anything otherwise would be quite selfish.

RightBuggerforit · 29/08/2012 12:26

Yabvvu! Why not turn it into a couple of days away with dh? Or just tell him you want to go on your own anyway.

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 14:24

Whatever I do I'm taking the book porca (and ennis) mentioned Grin

OP posts:
yesofficer · 29/08/2012 14:34

are you having an affair?

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 29/08/2012 16:05

yesofficer I'd probably find something more imaginative to do than kettle chips and a book if I was!

OP posts:
yesofficer · 30/08/2012 11:22

Humour and deflection? I've seen that before! Grin

FWIW, if you got caught your husband would suspect the worst because you still flew somewhere etc. It is the level of deception that rouses suspicion. Why not tell him you need a sleep, still use the nanny, drive or catch a train to a nice hotel for one night and eat your crisps and read your book?

YouOldSlag · 30/08/2012 11:41

but I am rather set on the trip and it would be slightly more enjoyable if I didn't have to consider him having the same time off at a later date.

What's wrong with that? Why can't you reciprocate?

If I have time away (OK once I did it), then it's perfectly OK for my DH to have a weekend away too at a later date.

You say your DH has enough time of his own, but is it all work stuff or work jollies? How do you define "enough" time of his own?

If you really need some time away, be honest with him. If he's understanding you may be able to do it again in the future when your batteries are low.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 02/09/2012 14:55

God I must be awfull because I would so do this .

ImperialBlether · 02/09/2012 15:19

You're looking at this the wrong way. You say your husband would want to do the same thing at a later date. The thing is, he has his freedom now (you say.)

So say to him, "You know you do X, Y and Z and I'm not able to do that because of the children? Well, it's now payback time."

YOU are the one who wants payback.

YouOldSlag · 02/09/2012 17:28

He gets a fair amount of time to do his thing so he's not hard done by!

Can you expand on this? you seem quite determined that you don't want to do the same for him. You say he has already juggled work commitments to fit in a round you, so it's not like he isn't doing anything to support you or contribute.

I just think if you go, be hoenst, and then suck it up when he wants a few days off. It's teamwork.

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 06/09/2012 05:02

I wouldn't say I'm determined not to do the same for him, just I'd prefer (i accept completely selfishly!) not to.

"Time" is very difficult to articulate but i think it comes down to this: He can indulge in a his hobby regularly and see his friends, and whilst I can also do these things there is more planning involved so often I don't.

For example we might all be in the garden and DH will wander off: he'll go and put the footie on, or decide to do a job that he's had on his mind to do, or go out for a run and I am left with the DC's. I wouldn't do that without saying "I fancy a run are you ok with the kids for an hour". But for him I am the default carer. And it'd be nice to be able to do whatever I fancied when I fancied which I think what I'm trying to say is he gets to do.

OP posts:
LastnightDNAruinedmylife · 06/09/2012 05:32

Then go, but tell him why & what.

As everyone else on this thread said.

We all need time away, but no need for subterfuge, no good will come of lies, really, be honest - you may be pleasantly surprised.

(& if you're not, then lie your arse off & piss off for an unspecified period).

& if he's being a dick - mirror his behaviour - I'm a SAHM & this would fuck me off to high heaven - nobody in this house gets to do what they want, when they want.

We all get to do what we want sometimes but it's by committee, has to be run past the other share-holders first.

You probably pleased yourself for the first fifteen years of your adult life, as you will be able to again in about another fifteen years.

The middle bit's a bit tricksy - it's about compromise.

OhNoMyFoot · 06/09/2012 05:43

Yanbu to think it, I would be worried the work trip would be back on again quite soon though.

I also want the name of the book Grin

Thedoctrineofennis · 06/09/2012 08:46

The book is The Point of Rescue by Sophie Hannah!

Sara, DH does that to me a bit too. I've decided on a "don't beat em join em" approach and just announce "Right I'm off for a walk" instead of "is it ok if i..." He Genuinely doesn't find that rude so I'm working on not thinking of myself as rude!

YouOldSlag · 06/09/2012 08:57

Thedoctrine makes a good point. Just do it back. "I'll see you later, give them lunch at 1, bye"

Original poster
SaraBellumHertz · 06/09/2012 11:44

ennis I think a lot of men do and it's really difficult to argue against because certainly DH would have very little problem with me doing anything I wanted if I asked and I'm not in the habit of just doing so don't know how he would react ( may try it out )

I just find the default tiresome.

I have just downloaded the book onto my kindle

OP posts: