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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about my baby coming back from first day of nursery with a bruise on her back?

65 replies

Kaloobear · 28/08/2012 18:47

I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

Background: I have PND and massive anxiety, DD is PFB and I'm going back to work next week which I'm dreading, so I may well be being ridiculous and over sensitive.

She's got a big bruise in the middle of her back which wasn't there this morning :( I know children fall over/bump into things/etc but I was under the impression from the staff that anything hard enough to leave a mark would be recorded and reported to parents. (They haven't mentioned it.) DH thinks I'm being silly and she'll just have fallen against something and they won't have noticed and it's no big deal. I feel like she's only little (11mo), not yet walking so vulnerable to falling/getting knocked etc and it was her first day so they SHOULD have noticed something like that happening.

Should I mention it to them? She's going back on Thursday. I don't want them thinking I'm some nutter mother who can't let go (though I'm sure I am!) but equally I want to make sure she's being properly looked after.

I'm feeling so sad for her, she's such a wee thing and it's a big bruise, at least 5cm round.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 28/08/2012 18:49

I would definitely mention it.

Svrider · 28/08/2012 18:51

Yanbu
Many mums feel the same about going back to work
What do you think generally about the nursery
Do the staff seem kind and caring?
Are you able to stay for a session before work?
You can see the staff interaction when not dropping off/ picking up
I would definitely mention the bruise, hopefully the reply will put you at ease.

FushiaFernica · 28/08/2012 18:57

The fact that the nursery have not reported it to you rings massive alarm bells to me, when my dd was at nursery they reported even minor marks to me. I would be concerned that your dd is not being properly supervised and would want to move her to a different nursery.

Dordeydoo · 28/08/2012 18:59

A bruise in the middle of back is slightly alarming as not a usual place for a child to bruise but it DOES happen.

I would call the nursery tomorrow and ask. If they offer to call you back ask for an answer there and then do they don't have time to think of something to fob you off with

MrsHuxtable · 28/08/2012 19:00

What Fushia said!

janey68 · 28/08/2012 19:00

Yes they should definitely have told you and explained what happened. You need to be 100% secure about your childcare

Sirzy · 28/08/2012 19:02

Certainly talk to the nursery, it probably is a case of them simply not having seen her fall and because it's on her back not having seen the bruise

jelliebelly · 28/08/2012 19:02

YANBU definitely mention it and ask how it happened. My two were/ are always covered in bruises but just as many happened at home as at nursery.

jelliebelly · 28/08/2012 19:04

Also even if they have no idea what happened ( which is quite possible) how they handle your enquiry will give you a good idea about how much they care about such things generally.

scottishmummy · 28/08/2012 19:05

uderstandabky you're upset
talk to manager ask if it documented,what happened I'd expect accident report
don't necessarily let this put you off nursery though

NameChangeGalore · 28/08/2012 19:05

What do you think might have happened? That someone is hitting or hurting her?

My DD used to come home with minor scratches and bumps when she was that age, and I never thought twice about it. Babies can hurt themselves in all sorts of ways. She might have rolled onto a building block causing the bruise?

If your nursery workers are doing their jobs properly, they will mention all major accidents, like bumps to the head and scratches and make you sign an accident form.

Sorry, but I don't think this rings any kind of alarm bells for me...she most probably hurt herself playing.

Original poster
Kaloobear · 28/08/2012 19:05

It's otherwise a nice place and feels friendly-the staff have been lovely to her on her visit days and the other children seem happy and comfortable.

I have a knot in my stomach and I don't know whether it's a valid instinct that something's not right or not good enough, or an anxiety-related unnecessary panic that I need to ignore.

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 28/08/2012 19:06

Even if this was my 6 year old, active to the point of self harming, autistic child, I would be having words if he had a bruise to his back that went unnoticed.

Legs, arms, unnoticed is fine, head should be noticed but fine, back requires some doing

Yanbu

BJR · 28/08/2012 19:07

YANBU and don't worry it's not being over sensitive. DS has also just started nursery and on his first day he had a small bump on his head. They phoned me within a couple of minutes of it happening and I had to sign a form at the end of the day. This is what I would expect from any nursery, its as much to keep them safe as anything else.

I would call and ask about it if it were me and I want to feel comfortable with the explanation otherwise it would put me off leaving him again. Bumps do happen but they should be telling you.

Original poster
Kaloobear · 28/08/2012 19:07

I imagine she just fell over or crawled backwards into something. I don't think anyone hit her or anything like that. I'm not worried by the bruise itself really, and God knows she's banged into tables and things enough at home, I'm just upset that they didn't say anything, which suggests they didn't notice. I think I'll call them tomorrow and just ask about it, hopefully in a way that isn't too precious or pathetic!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 28/08/2012 19:08

maintain a good relationship with staff
call in at lunch see how she doing
and make sure you get adequate handovers

DozyDuck · 28/08/2012 19:08

Oh just to add, at his SN school when he has had a bad bruise that went unnoticed they took it seriously and were very apologetic (I was nice about it too)

Which puts me at ease as things happen.

However at his horrible mainstream school they denied all knowledge and said it couldn't have happened there.

(they really were shit)

It's how they deal with your enquiry is what counts now Smile

Keep in mind that stuff can happen though

seeker · 28/08/2012 19:09

I think you need to ask them- it sounds as if she rolled over backwards onto a Lego brick or something.

I do think the "move her" brigade are being a bit silly-when mine were little I was always finding bruises on them that I had no idea how they got- it's part of being an active little person. She could really easily have bumped herself and been cuddled and comforted- but nobody checked for a bruise. I wouldn't unless she had cried a lot- would you?

blueglue · 28/08/2012 19:09

I would not tolerate even a 3yo/4yo coming back from nursery with an unexplained bruise on the back, let alone a baby.

I would for example tolerate my 6yo coming home from school with a bruise on his leg without an explanation from the school.

YANBU - I would raise this with the nursery tomorrow morning and show them - I wouldn't wait until Thursday.

HappyAsASandboy · 28/08/2012 19:09

I agree, they should have known what caused such a large bruise and reported it to you. However, it might be possible that your DD fell onto something but didn't mark at the time - if you ask them about it they may remember what happened. I wouldn't be impressed that they'd not noticed though.

Our nursery ask me to sign an incident form for every accident/injury my DTs sustain while they're in the nursery's care. That way they have a document detailing what happened, which nursery staff dealt with it and evidence that they've told me. In the same way, if I drop them off with an injury/bruise/scratch, they ask me to fill in a form which I sign and the nursery staff I informed signs too. I think this is part of their safeguarding procedures - we all know precisely how, when and under who's care each bump or scratch occurred. It protects everybody from untrue allegations.

In your situation, I would ask the nursery what happened. They might have forgotten to pass on an injury note or not passed messages on adequately when staff arrived/left their shifts. But I wouldn't be happy with their care if it happened frequently (the not informing you, bumps might happen frequently if your child is accident prone like one of mine).

I hope your return to work goes well :)

Sirzy · 28/08/2012 19:09

They can't watch every child every second of the day so somethings with go unnoticed especially if she didn't cry when it happened.

Socknickingpixie · 28/08/2012 19:10

i would ask i couldnt stop myself asking and i would expect every single odd bruse to be accounted for

Sirzy · 28/08/2012 19:11

Seeker - I find bruises on myself I don't know how I did let alone on DS

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 28/08/2012 19:11

If this is a good nursery and they knew she had been hurt, they would have logged it and told you. From what you're saying it sounds like a lovely nursery so they didn't know she had been hurt. Tell them when you drop her off tomorrow, show them the bruise and see how they handle it from there.

scottishmummy · 28/08/2012 19:13

children and babies get bumps it's not indicative of bad nursery
and def at 3/4yo you'll get unexplained bumps grazes
now some nursery naysayers will present this as irrefutable reason they'd never use nursery as if ta-dah proof nursery us bad place.ignore them

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