To be upset about my baby coming back from first day of nursery with a bruise on her back?

[Kaloobear]

I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

Background: I have PND and massive anxiety, DD is PFB and I'm going back to work next week which I'm dreading, so I may well be being ridiculous and over sensitive.

She's got a big bruise in the middle of her back which wasn't there this morning :( I know children fall over/bump into things/etc but I was under the impression from the staff that anything hard enough to leave a mark would be recorded and reported to parents. (They haven't mentioned it.) DH thinks I'm being silly and she'll just have fallen against something and they won't have noticed and it's no big deal. I feel like she's only little (11mo), not yet walking so vulnerable to falling/getting knocked etc and it was her first day so they SHOULD have noticed something like that happening.

Should I mention it to them? She's going back on Thursday. I don't want them thinking I'm some nutter mother who can't let go (though I'm sure I am!) but equally I want to make sure she's being properly looked after.

I'm feeling so sad for her, she's such a wee thing and it's a big bruise, at least 5cm round.

Kaloo the knot in your stomach is anxiety related panic. It's unlikely it's anything sordid :) I used to be the same when DS was a baby. Postnatal anxiety isn't given enough attention it's frickin horrible!

"i would ask i couldnt stop myself asking and i would expect every single odd bruise to be accounted for"

So every time a child has a tumble somebody has to undress them, examine them for bruises, make a note, dress them again. And then do it again later in case a bruise has come out since the initial check? The nursery staff wouldn't have time to do anything else all day!

Definitely call the nursery tomorrow and raise it - hopefully their reaction will put your mind at rest.

They didn't notice either because she didn't cry at the time, or if she did cry they couldn't see an obvious injury - they won't have stripped her and checked all over if she cried.

Asking them about it is not the same as accusing them of being negligent, and they should be happy to discuss it with you. However it happened, she must have cried quite a bit, but they might have just comforted her without knowing where it hurt, so didn't find the bruise - which is perfectly reasonable if it's in the middle of her back.

So I think you should ask if they know what happened, which will hopefully reassure you that they are a nice caring nursery.

In my experience (preschools, nurseries & nanny) I haven't seen a baby develop a large bruise from rolling on something. Have seen it happened by falling against something.

IMO OP's babys bruised/ what happened shouldnt have been missed as the current ratio is 1 adult to 3 children under 2 so there should be adequate supervision for all 3 children in that ratio

Ask them to see if it helps you clarify what happened, etc.

But equally an unnoticed bruise on her back does not mean that they are neglecting her or that the nursery is a bad one. Some people on here are being very dramatic imo.

DD was always very active and on the go from being tiny - she often had bruises that we couldn't account for. Didn't mean that I was a neglectful mum - just that she was always getting into everything and I am human and couldn't see everything all of the time - just like the nursery staff.

I'd be concerned and asking if they knew anything about it, but I would try not to worry until you've spoken to them. The only bruise my DS has had on his back was caused by riding around in a rumble truck, I would never have known he was getting a bruise as there was no accident and he was very happy indeed riding around!

Dordeydoo a 1:3 ratio does not mean each adult stands and watches three children at a time. One might have been changing a nappy, doing an activity, comforting another baby - some children are not going to have an adult's gaze on them at any given moment.

If an adult is changing a nappy then there should be another adult present. Even when doing activities the adult should be watching the children closely especially at the age the OP stated.

First day at nursery I'd be expecting the staff to be keeping a very close eye.

I would ask about to allay your fears. But tbh I wouldn't expect a bruise on the back to be noticed by staff and as others have said, she may have had a little knock and been comforted and all forgotten in two seconds. I am covered in bruises I have no idea how I sustained.

Ds (then 20mo) came home with a tremendous bruise right at the small of his back when he went to the park with his new childminder, she didn't say anything. When I asked she said he'd bumped himself but seemed fine. A week later I took him to the park and he was climbing in and out of this toy boat sat on the pole, fell back against the seat, he cried for 20 seconds and seemed fine. I didn't think anything of it till I stripped him off that night and once again there was a great big bruise in the small of his back.

It is possible that she was hurt without them realising it was enough to bruise (especially if she's the type of baby who is quickly soothed).

Any nursery/childcarer/parent, however brilliant they are, can miss things. I brought dd2 home from nursery one day to find a massive, deep, bite mark on her arm, which I hadn't been told about. I popped straight back to nursery to talk to them about it.

They were hugely apologetic, said dd had become really upset, but that they didn't know what had caused it. She had been playing outside and the bite was through her coat, cardigan and long sleeved top so they hadn't taken her clothes off to check her over - nor would I expect them to have done. Their reaction was genuine concern and apology (to dd as well, which at the time had me close to tears!) and I never had any further problems.

Dordey I have never been lucky enough to work in a nursery with an endless supply of extra staff to pop in and watch the children every time someone's back is turned. For example 3 adults and 9 children - one adult is changing a nappy, one is sitting at a table doing snack/activity with a couple of children, one adult bends down to pick up a crying child and in that moment another child bumps into something/rolls over/cries out and no one has seen exactly what happened.

As others say, the bruise itself wouldn't concern me, but it depends what they say when you ask. I imagine she must have cried and needed comforting, so they should remember that even if they couldn't tell what was wrong.

FWIW, my DD1 was hurt on her second day at nursery, and still has a scar to prove it. But the nursery did everything right, and three years later DD1 has just left, DD2 started today. So accidents do happen, even in the best settings, it doesn't always mean that something's wrong. I'd find out more before panicking too much.

OP, YANBU to bring it up, the staff won't think you're being precious, especially as it was her first day - and even if it wasn't, it's a perfectly reasonable question.

However, it's also perfectly possible she did it without them noticing - perhaps she didn't cry, perhaps she only cried a bit so they didn't think it was worth mentioning. If you have a good feeling about the place already, this is the most likely explanation.

Also agree with sirzy and seeker - my 17-month-old DS has had several bruises which I don't remember him getting (and I'm always covered in mystery bruises ...). Maybe your DD is also a delicate peach who bruises easily?

YANBU to be upset but it is very unlikely I be anything major or to worry about. If your initial instincts about the nursery are correct, I.e. that it is a nice safe place to leave your child then it is very likely that something happened and they did not realise she had actually bruised. They won't tell you about every minor fall as they'll have dealt wih it and think it is over (not obviously having realised that she has bruised).

I'd just mention it tomorrow and ask if they know how she did it.

Fwiw I was phoned up by nursery on my first day back to work as a toddler had ran at and pushed over the high hair that DS2 (8mths) was sitting it so he'd fallen from full height onto the floor. Thankfully he was ok and it wasn't a great start but I knew the nursery and staff, DS1 was also there and knew that it was just one of those very unfortunate things that happens occasionally. He had another 2yrs there after that without major incident.

Don't bruises sometimes take time to develop? I was just wondering if she didn't hurt herself at the nursery but the bruise only started to show when you picked her up. Is that a possibility?

I agree with those who say she might have cried but been soothed without them realising she was bruised. It would be an intrusion to undress her unless necessary (really). If I saw her fall and bump her back (as a practitioner myself) I would have checked, but if I only saw her crying I'd have no cause to undress her (iykwim). Ask for feedback, did she cry at all? Mention the bruise. My an children as similar bruises as babies rolling everywhere. Tbh it is something I'd expect t see more in mobile babies (crawling/rolling) but less so in older children. So say I was changing an older child and noticed a bruise I'd be more concerned. Spines can be bumpy and I have bruised myself just falling backwards from a seated position. My children have done the same. It's more worrying (for me as a practitioner) if the bruise is off centre. Certainly mention it as if the care about working with arenas they will welcome your views and value your concerns.

Excuse the typos and auto corruptions there.

YANBU to notice it and to bring it up with the nursery. YANBU to suspend your final judgment until you have had the conversation with them - you don't have to decide whether there is any cause for concern right this minute, you can wait and see what they say and explore your concerns with them and see whether it is your anxiety or the nursery that is the problem.

It would be different if your DD had been regularly attending the nursery for some time - but here, you have only got your instincts and your initial impressions to go on. My DD has been going to the same childminder for over a year now, and I trust her 101%. Your nursery hasn't had opportunity to build trust with you yet, that will take time - hopefully if you are happy with the outcome of the discussion with your nursery then over time, you will build a relationship with the staff there and this will help you to recognise what's rational worry and what's not. They won't think you're a 'nutter' - they will think you're a mum who's left her baby for the first time and who is worried that she is okay and being looked after. This is completely, totally, 100% normal.

The rooms are very secure in nurseries so it may be because she bumped into something and didn't cry while a nursery worker back was turned.

I would still speak to the staff to put your own mind at rest

YADNBU. Children do come back from nursery with all sorts of bumps and bruises, DS also knocks himself when he is at home, it's all part and parcel of being a child and exploring boundaries. However, I would have expected nursery to record/report it to you, especially as it was her first day. DS came home with a big, angry, scratch 1cm away from his eye a few months ago, which DH hadn't noticed when he collected him (how he missed it I'll never know). I rang nursery as soon as they got home and they took the fact that it wasn't reported very seriously indeed, it wasn't the scratch so much, it was the fact it was missed that concerned me. Definitely ask them about it, a good nursery will have no problems with you querying it.

Thanks for all the advice yesterday. I phoned the nursery this morning and they said they hadn't noticed her hurt herself and she hadn't cried at all, but they're going to fill in an incident form for me to sign tomorrow and keep it on file anyway. I'm quite pleased with that reaction from them-they took it seriously and it seems sensible. I feel better!

Good, glad you're happy with it :)