To be annoyed at midwife for recommending I see a psychologist because I cried?

[longbay]

Would love your opinions on this one. Basically I've had the regular 5 or 6 antenatal appointments for DC2 and out of 6 of them I have seen 3 different midwives. None of them know me by face or name. Eg when I'm in the waiting room, they will come in and call my name and not have a clue who I am.
Although this isn't ideal, I do understand the whole shortage of midwives thing etc etc so I just accept it.
However what I do find hard to accept is when they pretend to know me, my history etc etc
Everytime I go they treat me like I'm a first time mum. I have to remind them that I have a DD 3 & 1/2.
Each different midwife has asked about my previous labour or my plan for this one.
Unfortunately I didn't have such a great experience first time round so I have some quite strong opinions about any future labors. For example, NO pethidine.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, after having to go through my story for the 100th time with a midwife who had only met me for 10mins and kept suggesting I should have pethidine, I ended up crying.
Please note, I was 37 weeks pregnant, tired, hormonal and having to justify myself to a complete stranger my choices for birth no.2.
Well, anyway, she then said I think you should speak to someone at the hospital. I naively thought she meant another midwife. And she said no a psychologist.

I have no issue with seeing a psychologist if required but I do not think that in this case that I do. How can someone who has met me for 10 mins possibly make that call.
I am now worried that because she has written on my notes that it will be what I am judged on when I go to hospital to have my baby.
I've got my nxt (hopefully last appt) next week and I was thinking about complaining and asking them to remove the referral from my notes.
What d'you reckon?

Ooo, I think she needs to back off

Next time you attend for your appointment, explain what happened and tell them that you don't need a referral.

I think perhaps she was suggesting the psychologist as she felt you possibly needed to talk about your previous birth experience to get over the pethidine thing. Sadly yr chances of seeing a psych before 40 weeks are roughly equal to chances of being struck by lightening. Seriously, ignore. Stick to your birth plan, that's the whole point it's YOUR birth plan!

Yanbu. Not wanting pethedene and feeling anxious/upset at 37 weeks after a hard time last time is perfectly reasonable. I wrote no pethedene on my birth plan and I wasn't offered it gas and air gotme suitably off my head

Why don't you ask why she recommended a psychologist. I'm wondering if she thinks you might have some residual trauma about pethidine's role in your previous giving-birth experience or even your last birth. It's not uncommon for this to be the case if you had a bad experience, and can often go unnoticed and untreated.

If that were the case, then chatting to someone about the last birth might be good. That said - it's a bit late maybe? You're due quite soon, aren't you?

Obviously, I have absloutely no idea at all why she might say that. And I guess you don't either, which is why it might be good to ask.

And also, obviously, I haven't asked you why you cried. You might have cried just because you're knackered and hormonal. Did she ask you why you cried?

(and congratulations on being pregnant)

Does seem a bit weird for her to judge you the first time she has met you. And your birth plan isnt really up for discussion (unless they need to intervene ofcourse) because its all about what will help you through.

Maybe she feels that as your first labour was bad enough to make you cry and have such a strong aversion to pethedine you could do with speaking to someone about it. But I dont understand why she was so pushy about pethedine in the first place. (I had it and it wasnt worth a damn btw.) but there are different options available.

I would definately mention it next time. Can you request to speak to a senior MW?

Are you in London? Your experience is very reminisent of my ante natal appts with DS1 when we lived in London. My ( or should I say one of the many) midwives I saw at around 39 weeks told me I seemed depressed, to be fair looking back on it I probably was a bit but she had also just told me the baby seemed very bony (?) and she wanted me to go for a scan ASAP to check he was developing properly. I sobbed all the way to the hospital and needless to say everything was fine.
Sometimes professionals can be thoughtless and tbh I wouldn't worry too much about getting this removed from your records, I can't think this will be a priority for the midwife delivering your baby as they see all sorts and once the baby is here you don't need to see them for much longer. My low mood lifted once the baby came and we only saw the midwives for a short time.
Good luck with your new baby

This was similar to my experience with my DS - saw 3 or 4 different midwives and each one treated me completely differently and I had to recount my history each time (don't they read notes??). It got very frustrating.

So YANBU. One of the selling points of midwife-led care was supposed to be the relationship you develop with your midwife but the reality is that you never see the same one so you might as well be in the obstetrician-led system anyway where the OB's time is precious and you barely see them. I saw an obstetrician privately and she was the only HCP I saw in my whole pregnancy who bothered to get to know me and my history.

I think the midwife was ridiculous to suggest seeing a psychologist at the hospital on the basis of a 10 minute meeting with you at 37 weeks pregnant. Lots of women feel a bit overwrought and emotional at that late stage. It's totally normal.

Mmmm is she worried about potential PND? Did she ask your consent for referral? Did she suggest getting in touch with a specialist MH midwife?

If u had a bad experience with pethidine it is not unreasonable to state you do not want it in the future.

I feel for you and whilst I am sure she was well meaning you could raise a concern with head of maternity outpatients, so not a complaint per say just a concern that you have re your notes and being labelled etc IYSWIM.

Am not really focused now as tired but could not just pass. As a MW I would always encourage people to complain/voice concern etc as services can't be improved if we don't know where there are problems.

I would tread very, very carefully if a healthcare professional is suggesting you have mental health issues right before you have a baby. If she thinks you are being resistant/obstructive she may make a referal to SS.

There have been cases where babies have been removed from mothers by SS on the advice of a HCP who has never even met the mother.

Are you anxious about this coming birth, longbay? Do you want to talk about what happened last time here?

Or is that exactly the wrong thing to ask you?

Either way, hope it all goes swimmingly - and congratulations again.

Drucilla, I'm sorry but I think that is a very unhelpful post and just plain wrong in this situation.

YANBU. She sound like a complete knobber. I had one of those as a mw after I had DS2 -she read in my notes that I'd had blood during birth of DS1, and said "Hmm you do know you're not allowed to donate blood now as you could pass anything you've caught on....and that includes to the new baby pitying sigh". I cried. She announced I obviously had PND. Knobber.

Tell her in the nicest possible way to fuck right off that you don't think that is necessary but that you feel that you are not being listened to, that this is particularly important to you given your previous experience and you would prefer she accepted it and moved on?

No kids, but a whole heap of experience arguing with medical professionals. As much as I've sometimes wanted to yell 'You fucking idiot, get a grip', I've found calm explanation does work with most. (And of course, most have been adedquate or better, so these are the exceptions.)

If you think there will be repercussions for your records, your birth plan or your follow-up appointments, then make a complaint. Even with different professionals you should have continuity of care. Doesn't sound like that's happening.

TherapeuticVino - Really??? That is, frankly, barking behaviour! I had a blood transfusion (or two) with dd. I was so worried about "passing something on" to dd that I initially refused and spent a long time agonising as to whether it was a good idea or not. The staff were really sensitive about it all. I can't believe you encountered such a lumpen-footed idiot. You poor thing.

With out knowing you I would like to say you are or not being unreasonable.

Drucilla I had a breakdown at 27 weeks and was almost sectioned - SS at no point got involved - stop be dramatic

OP - I suspect she worded it badly and you are tired and maybe over reacting - I suspect she was trying to be helpful - I saw a specialist MW who delt with mental health to go through my previous birth as I ended up diagnosed with PTSD after DD2 (gosh I do sound mad!)

please don't be upset x

Just to explain, the pethidine aversion is because the same hospital pretty much OD'd me on the stuff when I had my appendix out two years before my first baby. I had a horrendous time being sick the whole time and having horrible hallucinations! I decided I would never have another morphine/ opiate ever again. It certainly isn't how I want to be feeling when I meet my new baby!!
My labour with DD1 was 48hrs long and involved having pretty much every intervention you can imagine. I narrowly avoided an EMCS.
It wasn't nice but it happened. I shouldn't have to recount my story & reasons for my forthcoming labour at every single antenatal visit!
I'm pleased most of you agree with me.
Although, Drucilla, you certainly have a way of freaking people out. Thanks.

Drucilla
What on earth are you talking about? Don't come on to a thread where the OP is already upset and tell her such absolute bullshit.

Longbay
It may be that the MW feels that you would benefit from talking about your previous births, since you obviously have some issues from your first birth. Saying that, it is a bit late in the day since you are due to give birth in the coming weeks.

Generally a referral to a psychologist is done to help you, out of concern for your well-being. If you would prefer not to, then tell them that. You don't have to go.

It might however be helpful, so I would not push it away without trying it out.

I'm not disagreeing that is made you feel shite - it did - I am just suggesting she wasn't being an evil bitch troll mw from hell - just trying to help

you are right - you shouldn;t have to recount your story and you should have continuous care from one midwife

Yikes. I'd be avoiding pethidine too, if that had happened to me.

Really hope this birth goes better. And I'm sure it will.

XP with you.

That sounds horrific (the OD). No wonder you don't want pethedine again.

Ask for it to be put in your notes that due to an adverse reaction to pethedine you do not wish to be given, or even offered it in the future.

It would be good if they could at least skim through your notes before sitting down with you.

I got a private room free of charge for being a bit mad and seeing the mad woman's midwife - it wasn't all bad !

Not belittling you feelings OP I understand birth trauma and crap midwives

the midwife was inconsiderate.

why not print out all your details/history and just hand over a copy when you go in? they won't forget you ;).

you weren't unreasonable to cry. you've been beating your head against this particular brick wall for months.

it's odd the midwife recommended a 'psychologist' - that would be second level care surely, and if you are having help for the first time, wouldn't you start with lower-level counselling? having someone to talk to might be ok.

but as you already know, you have plenty of reasons to cry - its hard being pregnant, you already have a small child to care for, no-one listens and every visit brings a fresh midwife - so its more than likely that you're right and you just don't need a psychologist at all.

Btw OP, I know you know this, but just to confirm, you will not have your baby taken off you for speaking out against a HCP

Driscilla is scaremongering.

You may find speaking to a psychologist helpful, however I think the way it has come about isnt right.

unless it's a specialist psychologist who works with women who have experienced birth trauma and are going through a subsequent pregnancy though hey lovebunny

fear can have a damaging effect on labour - maybe talking it through and having it noted (I had special stickers on my notes to indicate me phobias and aversions) would help?