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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset that DH let FIL shave son's head?

58 replies

mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 19:45

that may be a little melodramatic, but this morning I had a 2 yo with lovely curly locks and this evening he now has short, straight back and sides and a side parting.
Bit of background. DH has been looking after the boys a lot lately, whilst I have been working. I feel lately that he hasn't been listening to my input about the boys as he has been spending the most time with them.
I asked him not to let FIL cut their hair as I was growing it (FIL is lovely and very kind, but does have a bee in his bonnet about hair longer than 1/2 inch). I'm really upset about this, but when I asked DH why he had done it, he just replied, 'it was long and someone had to do something about it'. ...it was not very long at all I might add.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 27/08/2012 19:47

YANBU!!

I would be murderous if someone cut ds's hair at that age.

He has lovely thick curls too.

I almost cried this week when it got cut into a 'sensible neat haircut' for school!

I miss his mop! :(

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2012 19:47

No.

I'd be livid.

TidyDancer · 27/08/2012 19:48

I wouldn't go behind DP's back if he had expressed his opinion on the subject, and he wouldn't do it to me, so YANBU.

Neither you nor he get the default opinion on this, it should've been a discussion between the two of you.

SandStorm · 27/08/2012 19:48

On the other hand, why does your desire to let it grow outweigh your DH's desire for it to be short?

Downandoutnumbered · 27/08/2012 19:48

YANBU - I'd be very upset if this happened to my toddler who has lovely blond curls. He's probably going to have years and years of sensible haircuts ahead of him to conform to other people's expectations: I'm not forcing it on him now!

TraineeBabyCatcher · 27/08/2012 19:48

Same as pp. YANBU, I would be very annoyed aswell.

McFarts · 27/08/2012 19:49

No you not, i to would be livid Sad

Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 19:50

Thanks for your messages.
Sandstorm - My DH doesn't have a desire to have the hair short - it is my FIL's wish that it be cut. DH just couldn't be bothered trying to stop his dad.

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 27/08/2012 19:50

It is annoying but hair does grow back.

The problem is if your DH did it to spite you or to make a point.

Spuddybean · 27/08/2012 19:50

I would be upset. There is something very significant about hair. There are symbolic jealousies/man making issues about a little boy having his curls cut off by their father. There is a passage in Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence about the exact same thing.

fuzzpig · 27/08/2012 19:51

YANBU, I'd be gutted if anyone cut off DS' floppy hair! Thankfully DH feels the same!

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 27/08/2012 19:51

I'd have gone mental! My DS had a Steve Irvin kind of hair cut going on when he was younger, and I loved it like that. Sadly it did look unkempt, and now he's older he has it short (which I bloody hate, but it does look so much tidier, and he likes it spiked like his mates!). I do like it when it all grows out though, and put off getting it lopped off again as long as I can. If anyone had cut his hair that short when he was little though I'd have gone nuts!

Spuddybean · 27/08/2012 19:52

Why did your DH feel something 'had' to done about it? was he worried people may mistake DS for a girl? Is he wanting him to 'grow up' and stop being the baby?

minikimmi · 27/08/2012 19:52

There is something very significant about hair. There are symbolic jealousies/man making issues about a little boy having his curls cut off by their father. There is a passage in Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence about the exact same thing
Hmm

It's only hair, it grows back.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/08/2012 19:52

When I think about the discussions in our house about cutting DD's hair half an inch. If DH had just gone and done it without me, I would have been livid. In the end it was me that went to the hairdresser because DH couldn't watch softy.

YANBU.

PrimrosePath · 27/08/2012 19:53

Yanbu, but hair does grow back.

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2012 19:53

If your DH has no desire for your son's hair to be short, why did he say "'it was long and someone had to do something about it"?

That doesn't make sense

scarletforya · 27/08/2012 19:54

YANBU

I'd go mad, a shaved head on a 2 year old? Sad Can't stand that mentality that boys and men 'should have' short hair. It's so ridiculous. Grr on your behalf!

NCForNow · 27/08/2012 19:54

Oh I can't get my head around the common obsession that many Mothers have about their son's hair.

On MN there is a regular thing "So and so cut ds's hair off" and all the replies say OH NO! YANBU! I WOULD BE LIVID!

But when a Mother complains that her toddler DD's hair is hard to manage it's all "Cut it off!"

Confused

WHY?? I don't get the significance?

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 27/08/2012 19:54

YANBU!! I would have been furious! My DS had beautiful curls when he was little and I had a friend give him his first trim, under the strict instructions he had to keep the curls. She was terrified she might get it wrong, despite being a fab hairdresser.

No way would my DP have dared let anyone shave it.

NCForNow · 27/08/2012 19:55

Why then, are you thinking that your DH didn't have the right to "Do something about it" if it was "Too long"??

NCForNow · 27/08/2012 19:56

Curls are just curls. They're not the child. It's hair. No significance at all except they can look more like babies I suppose when their hair is longer. Is that what it's about? Not wanting him to look more grown up?

minikimmi · 27/08/2012 19:57

In a few months' time you'll look back and laugh, if you don't then you're definitely too uptight.

Spuddybean · 27/08/2012 19:58

Whether we properly understand the 'significance' of hair (not just in children) i think is irrelevant. The fact is that subconsciously as a society we do. It stirs something maternal in a lot of people and can surface/manifest itself in a childs first hair cut.

It is quite a common theme in psychology and fetishism.

JustFabulous · 27/08/2012 20:00

The issue is the husband let his father do something just because he couldn't be bothered to stop him even though he knew his wife wouldn't be happy.