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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset that DH let FIL shave son's head?

58 replies

mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 19:45

that may be a little melodramatic, but this morning I had a 2 yo with lovely curly locks and this evening he now has short, straight back and sides and a side parting.
Bit of background. DH has been looking after the boys a lot lately, whilst I have been working. I feel lately that he hasn't been listening to my input about the boys as he has been spending the most time with them.
I asked him not to let FIL cut their hair as I was growing it (FIL is lovely and very kind, but does have a bee in his bonnet about hair longer than 1/2 inch). I'm really upset about this, but when I asked DH why he had done it, he just replied, 'it was long and someone had to do something about it'. ...it was not very long at all I might add.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 20:01

NCForNow - no - I have no problem with my son looking grown up. I'm upset because my FIL keeps doing this and I specifically asked DH not to let him again, and my wishes are being ignored and I loved my son's floppy locks. I know hair grows back and everything, but I'm still really annoyed about it. I think that, as his mother, I should have a say about his hair being cut. If DH had strong opinions about his hair, then I wouldn't just ignore them, we would discuss it, but he doesn't really care alot about it.

OP posts:
NCForNow · 27/08/2012 20:02

What does your FIL "Keep doing"?

NCForNow · 27/08/2012 20:03

If he has cut your sons hair before, then I would be speaking to HIM as well as my DH and obviously you are not happy with this...so did you tell your DH never to allow this again?

Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 20:04

NC for now - It isn't the first time he has cut his hair. I told him I didn't like it last time as well.
In all other areas FIL is lovely, and I couldn't ask for better in-laws, but for some reason, he has a thing about boys with long hair.

OP posts:
Victoria3012 · 27/08/2012 20:05

I'd go ape shit.

NCForNow · 27/08/2012 20:07

You will have to be frank with FIL. Tell him "I do not want you to ever cut DS hair again. It is not only DH who has to give permission but both of us. I will be taking over from here and from now on he will go to the barber with me and DH."

Don't mince your words. TELL HIM.

chocoluvva · 27/08/2012 20:08

Aww - that's a shame. But his hair will probably grow back still soft and curly.
I agree with your views on little boys (and girls) being 'allowed' to have curls. It's lovely. Why shorten this aspect of infancy?
Oh - no pun intended!
My DS (13) has longish hair with a real teenage long fringe (don't know how he stands it really) which MIL can't stand. (His hair is thick, wavy and in good condition though). It gives me such pleasure hearing her say how much better it would look short.... Hee hee!

catkind · 27/08/2012 20:10

Not unreasonable. Not so much about the hair, but your DH going behind your back with his father, not nice. And presumably you've had to bite yr tongue and be all enthusiastic for your little boy.

And assuming this was a first haircut, extra reasonable, that's a milestone that you should have had an option of being included in.
Perhaps if DH wanted it shorter for manageability (prob his call if he's doing most of the work) you could agree on a short style you both like for next time?

Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 20:13

you're right - it's not so much about the hair (although I did love it!) as the fact that I don't think my FIL should keep cutting it when I have told him not to. And I feel let down by DH. Also, my little boy hates having his hair cut, and will have cried all the way through it.
I haven't yet spoken to DH since he got back :(

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 27/08/2012 20:17

Curly hair doesn''t always grow back DS cut DD2's hair at 2 blonde curls everywhere she lost the curls permanently he had his hair cut at 2 as well as in the summer he was saturated gets a kink in it but thats it now.

verytellytubby · 27/08/2012 20:21

I'd be fucking fuming! My twin sons have longish blonde curls and I love their hair.

rainbowinthesky · 27/08/2012 20:31

I would be angry and upset. Completely irrational I know but that's how I would feel. Mil wanted to shave ds's hair when he was a baby and I said absolutely not.

Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 20:36

Thanks - I'm glad it's not just me being over-the-top about it. Although when I eventually do try and discuss it with DH, I know he won't get why I'm really annoyed about the situation. :(

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 27/08/2012 20:43

yanbu.

especially seen as fil has form for it.

no one parent trumps the other (unless one is a 95% pwc obviously thats mho others may not have the same view) its something you should have talked about given that one of you has strong views about the subject.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 27/08/2012 20:56

YABU - by reasoning of your OP, DH is currently the principle child carer because you are working lots.

Really, would expect to run every decision past your DH if you were at home? No? and neither should he.

Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 21:07

Jumping - but I expressly asked him not to let his dad cut my little boy's hair again and he agreed that he wouldn't. If we hadn't previously discussed it, then I would agree with you that he shouldn't have to ask me about it.
But he did know how I felt about it, yet he just ignored me.

OP posts:
Hesterton · 27/08/2012 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hesterton · 27/08/2012 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 27/08/2012 21:45

If he has a side parting it's not shaved. Probably looks shaved by comparison if it was really long before, but it's not. I wouldn't have appreciated my FIL doing this either though. YANBU.

Floggingmolly · 27/08/2012 21:46

X post with Hesterton

Original poster
mumof2lovelyboys · 27/08/2012 21:51

it's shaved at the back and sides, with a strange side parting of straggly bits on top.
just had blazing row with DH who has insisted I not broach the subject with FIL and is sulking because I am in the wrong for having a go at him, as he didn't know I felt so strongly about it.

OP posts:
NCForNow · 27/08/2012 22:13

I would have a word anyway personally! If DH isn't going to admit he's wrong then it's up to you to protect DS from any future weird hairdos!

NCForNow · 27/08/2012 22:16

Is it like this?

Sorry OP...maybe you'll be able to laugh about it in future? The woman in the link above cut her son's herself to make matters worse!

SimoneD · 27/08/2012 22:35

If you have already told your DH not to let FIL do it again how can he say that he didnt know you felt strongly about it?
Are you sure its not your DH that wants it cut short and he's just happy to blame your FIL? Its a bit of an odd thing for FIL to do if he doesnt interfere in any other way and your DH saying something had to be done about it is rather telling
Id be fuming as well btw

bobbledunk · 27/08/2012 23:35

I'd call up fil and demand to know why he cut the childs hair when told not to. Ignoring your wishes shows a total lack of respect for you.

Seriously, kick up the biggest stink ever and it will be the last time, people who happily do things that they know upset you will only be deterred if they are afraid of your reaction. They don't care about you but they do care about themselves and don't like being on the receiving end of psycho.

If anyone cut my dds curls, I would be livid and listening to me go crazy at them would make them realise they should have listened in the first place. If you are happy for your son to sport the skinhead look until he's old enough to fight back you can continue being nice and politely stating your wishes which will be ignored, otherwise stand up now, yell all you want and don't worry about sounding like a bitch.