Would you force a child ........

[sadie3]

To go to Uni if they were financially set up for life?

If they are going to university, they are at least 18 and therefore not a child.

Often not the case - my eldest started at an English Uni last year, aged 17 and my DS2 starts at a Scottish Uni next month - again, at age 17, and in actual fact he could have started last year, at the age of 16 having completed Scottish S5.

However, even if a "child" is 18 at the start of the course, applications go in about a year before, and career planning a year or two before that - so while "forcing" a child is not on, "encouraging" them to get their act together (and plan their education, a career path or think about a trade etc), is part of a parents responsibility IMO.

If a child isn't encouraged to think ahead at 14/15yo as to what their options are, they may find they have shut down certain career paths by choosing the "wrong" school subjects. Yes, there are always alternative routes to every job/career but it's usually harder if you don't do the standard career path.

Hard situation.

As someone who loved learning I viewed going to university as a treat. I wouldn't force anyone to go though. Uni was so much fun - both the learning and the social side.

It seems such a waste of his time for the next 3 years - to be in school and not engaging. Is this really what he wants? He doesn't have to get GCSEs to work with his dad but surely he can see his business skills would benefit from the education. Also what happens if (god forbid) his dad drops dead in the meantime?

Is there another male role model or teacher who could chat with him.

I think the worst thing in the world is to leave yourself without options when they are yours for the taking.

I'm v much with you that what your ex is doing is evil. Cutting a child off from an education without explaining what they are losing out on is reprehensible.

I'd move away from the angry stuff about homework and onto a discussion about how worried you are about him cutting off his options so early.

I think you are right to be worried and I think you need help with this - but the university part is a red herring. Not working in school is terrible and he needs to understand that.

I most certainloy would not force any child to go to Uni - both mine did because it was their choice. I was as good as forced by my Mother and hated most of it. Nver used the degree either.

I woke DS up at 5.30am and told him to get ready to go to work with his Dad. I told him he would have to walk to the train station and catch the train into central London (something he?s never done before) so off he toddled at 6.30am (I was absolutely petrified) he was home by 7.15am crying and said that he didn?t want to go to work. I said that I would drive him in this morning but he would have to catch the train home after work. He has been up in his room all day doing his project hahha We had a long chat and I told him that he can work with his Dad when he wants and he doesn?t have to go to Uni at all if that?s what he decides when he?s older, he agreed to try his hardest with his studies while he?s at school. Hopefully we have turned a corner :)

Thanks for the advice

Uni might well ruin things! The cost is extortionate, the likelihood of doing a degree in something you actually want to pursue at such a young age is slim to none, there are far more people with pointless degrees/degrees in subjects they do not wish to have anything to do with than there are people working in the field they picked out at 18.

I would always recommend waiting, you can go to Uni any time you like. Forcing a young adult will only lead to bad choices and lots of debt.

Remember that a university can only provide a good education for a student who has both the ability and the will to learn. A failed degree is not much of a career asset. It always saddens me to see floundering students who are so obviously therenot because they have any interest in the subject but because mum and dad have told them it is expected of them.

There is simply no point in forcing someone to go to university -getting there is only the start-they have to put in the work once they are there.

That sounds pretty positive Sadie, it sounds to me less like you want to MAKE him go to University but more like you don't want him to rest on his laurels thinking he doesn't have to do anything because 'Dad will give me a job' but to a 13 year old a 'job' is 'money' it's not 'something you need any kind of skill at, that you have to do right and work hard in, in order to earn the money'.

The reality of going out to work every day is pretty rubbish I think when your option is school. I went back to being a f/t student on a really fun course after 7 years of work and LOVED it, it was like being at school again and so much more fun than going to responsibility-filled work!

My mother forced me to go to university, well forced is a bit strong, but she told me to dry my eyes, drove me to the airport, put me on the plane and told me to "make the most of the chance she'd never had".

Miserable wouldn't cover it, I stayed two years whilst not going to any classes, lying in bed, that I believe led to diagnosed depression in my late 20s. I had a terrible, terrible relationship with my mother for the most of my 20s. I'll never forget how miserable I was.