Would you force a child ........

[sadie3]

To go to Uni if they were financially set up for life?

You can force a young person to go to uni. But, you can't force anyone to learn or enjoy an experience.

Ds1- I wanted him to go, he loved it. Graduated in July. Starts his new job in September, stockbroking.

Dd - very intelligent. Wouldn't let her leave school until she did her A levels. Did her very well but she didn't want to go to uni,tried to convince her but it was ultimately her choice. She's just been accepted onto an engineering apprentice course.

Im equally proud of them but i admire Dd for having the guts to stick by what she believed in/wanted.

Would it be an easy option? Or would he learn valuable life and work skills?

It depends on what your DS wants to do.

My DD wants to be a MW, she is taking an apprentiship, to have practical experience, before she does her A levels, just in case she decides another path.

My eldest runs a residential MH unit, she has worked her way up and trained on the job.

A degree isn't needed for all careers and can be done at any age.

I know many people who have jumped in to quick, through parental pressure and have a degree that is useless to what they really want to do.

Depends what he wants to do,whether he has talents best suited by a university education,whether he is a chip off the old block and would actually be very happy doing whatever his Dad does...
I think making your own way in life is fine and commendable but if that means a child not taking an opening in a family business in which he'd be happy and successful I think that is a bit silly.
So it all depends - on the child and on the job and on your ExDH - for example if DC changes his mind in a few years is your Ex going to be fine with him moving on?

Yabu, i had two children, would have put them through uni, one wasn't academic enough to get in, the other, off the scale, was told when he was ten that he was clever enough for uni, (i don't come from a background that this is normal) he told me at 16 he wanted to work not study, they both have made THEIR choices not mine.

Perhaps start thinking that your children might actually want to make their own decisions in life, looks like it could be a shock for you.

As i have just posted elsewhere. University is only useful for those planning on going into post grad jobs, or jobs that need the knowledge gained from university.

Take midwifery for example, you HAVE to go to university, i highly doubt anyone who studies to be a midwife goes into a non post grad job out of choice.
But then you have engineering which 9 times out 10 prefer people with hands on experience. My father never went to college let alone university and he runs and owns 3 engineering companys and has a mind that works in a way that no university degree could have taught him.

So it entirely depends on the job you dc wants to go into. Maybe, assuming your dc wants to go into the family business, s/he can do both, go to uni and then go into the family trade.

Overthehill, said child is still young my EX is setting him up for a fail to get at me. DS has already started saying that he doesn?t need to work at school because he?s got a job when he turns 16 (which is 3 years away) It is going to be a total nightmare for the next 3 years just to get DS into school.

EX DH wants our eldest child to skip Uni and work for him. I want all my children to get a good education for a long as poss.

Well, it doesn't really matter what you or your Ex DH wants. I think the more pertinent question is what does your eldest want?

If they want to go to uni and are stopped they will resent their father. If they don't want to go and are talked into it, they will most probably fail or get a mediocre result at best which will be a massive waste of time and money.

Let your child make their own decision - it is after all their future.

DS at 16 might not think that going to work for exDH is an easy option, or an option that he wants.

I know I wouldn't want my dad to be my boss.

Ah I see, so it's a dispute between you and your ex..

x-posts.

If your ex is sabotaging his basic education, ask your ex how he thinks your son will get a job, should things not work out with him working in the family business (i.e. doesn't enjoy it, they don't get on, business folds etc).

He should at least be on the same page for GCSE results. Presumably he wouldn't employ any one else with no basic qualifications.

How on earth can you force someone to go to university? And how could you force them to study once they got there?

I just hope, hope, hope my baby twins grow up with the same love for learning that I have because I'm seriously going to struggle to understand if they don't want to get themselves a pretty hefty hefty university education.

Duh! Didn't mean to repeat hefty.

How old is he now? Is he tempted by his father's offer? I think all you can do with any child/teen is to explain what you think the pros and cons are of different choices, and trust them to take that into consideration. If you treat them like a rational human being then they are mostly capable of behaving like one.

Working for family may seem like an easy option, but what if that trade doesn't suit him? What if he changes his mind later and wishes he had at least done A levels if not college/university? What if others working for the firm don't respect him because he didn't really earn his position? What if the business has difficulties in the future?

Oh so it's already part of a situation where he's being pushed/pulled in different directions. And presumably dad is the easy touch and you're having to play the tough guy?

Sorry OP, no offence intended, if hes thirteen point out that if he doesnt stick in at school then hes going to have to rely on his dad for his employment, and he won't ever be independant, i personally went for rewards when mines did well at school, X amount for good results, bribery worked fantastically for me!!! Tell him he does'nt have to go to uni, but he could get into an apprenticeship of something he wants to do?

A normal boss is interested in your turning up on time and doing your job. That is all.

If your dad is your boss he will think that he has a right to interfere in every aspect of your life.

Can you imagine being put on washing-up duty (or whatever the crappy job is) because your dad doesn't like your girlfriend, or because he disapproves of the way you got your hair cut?

It?s impossible to talk to DH what he says goes in his world. DS would have to ultimately run several business how on earth could he do that with a year 8 education. DS has been brainwashed by DH so it?s impossible to talk to him. If I tell him he needs to do his project for school he refuses and says he?s already got a job so why bother.
DH has got him an apartment ready and waiting for the day he turns 16 and a car and anything else he wants probably. I am just so devastated to see my clever little boy throw his education away because DH wants to use him to get at me.

I don't think you can force any young person to do something they don't want to, not at the age of 18 (or even 16 for Scotland). But I believe strongly in university for the experience and the pleasure of academic learning and I'd always encourage my dcs to go. I have done a BA, BSc and an MA myself so I suppose I always look at it from the pov of someone who does enjoy the academic experience (although my BSc was quite practical). My dcs are very academic too and I'm sure they'd enjoy studying and partying so I wouldn't want to take that experience away from them.

I also don't think it's fair to expect a young person to follow in a family business. It's great if they want to, but they may well have interests or ambitions of their own and it would be unfair to push them into it. My parents asked me to work in the family business and I could have done well out of it financially, probably would have understanding employers when it came to childcare etc, had an advantage when it came to promotion...but it would have killed my dreams, which were in another field entirely. And I would have missed out on several years of travelling and all my time studying and no amount of future job security would have made up for that.

It might be worth pointing out to your DS that he will be totally at the mercy of your DH. If he leaves school at 16 as planned then some years later falls out with DH everything he has could be taken away leaving him with nothing and no qualifications to enable him to get on independently.

My Dad left school at 13 to drive forklifts for grandad, he built that business until it floated for millions. Don't underestimate job based learning exams are not everything.

However if this is just a ploy by the ex then go with it, if DS wants to quit trying in school now he can start working. Weekends and evenings he works for the Exs company NOW.

I was put to work at 15 by Dad as I was pissing about, opening up at 6am, closi g down at 10 every weekend while my mates were out then he made me redundant that for me trying at school fast enough.

*had not for

No - I went to uni with quite a few people from wealthy backgrounds and despite thousands spent on public school education still end up through clearing at the ex poly I went to (i fucked up my A-levels too).

Many of them didn't bother at all at uni and were lucky to end up with 3rds. THey just didn't want to be there but it was what was expected of them

You can't force anyone to go to uni. They wont be a child at uni age

You can't force anyone to do anything.

Let your ds decide what he wants to do and stand by him, whether its your pefrence or not.

Just be grateful that he has a option of a job and not laying about at home smoking weed and doing fuck all!

Presumably even though you think it's obvious your ex is just being a manipulative git, your DS thinks he is being good to him? Tricky to convince him otherwise, when he probably thinks your negative feelings twards your ex are what's making you say anything against him.

Is there someone else in the family who can give him an unbiased view? Or, I mean, one he'll recognise as unbiased?