to think this woman is mad if she thinks she has this right?

[tittytittyhanghang]

daily mail alert btw for those who don't like it

I mean if her husband was a decent chap he'd be discussing these things with her beforehand, but ultimately it is his sole decision.

She cannot make sex/turkey baster etc illegal. Therefore will never prevent sperm donoring. She can divorce him if she no longer wants to be part of his life. Sperm donor sites are full of maried men offering sperm and their wives have no idea.

I was all set to have a rant about men not being the ultimate decision-makers, then I read the link....

Yanbu, she's nuts.

Bless her I can understand her fear but really.....snowball in hells chance.

SOunds like DH needs some counselling & they both need to have a good talk.

I don't think she's mad. I don't think she's right, but I don't think she's mad either.

If you're in a marriage, it's not unreasonable to expect that you are the only person your husband will father children with. If he's fathering children with someone else, then that would seriously piss you off. But you can't make it illegal, I think.

what hackmum said

I would be angry and upset with DH if he did this behind my back and too be honest I would struggle to agree with it. But that is just my opinion.

I think she is delusional.

I don't agree with her but I do see why she may think as she does given that married male friends of mine have needed their wife's permission for a vasectomy (although only possibly when it has been done on the NHS).

I think this poses some interesting questions. I had never thought about secretive sperm donations...if DH had done this I would feel gutted and totally cheated.

The second point about the law possibly changing such that all his little DC could come knocking on the door one day...how is this not similar to an extr-marital affair? Just because it goes on doesn't mean it's right. And it can always be made law as long as companies pay for sperm donations.

I agree with Hackmum

I see her point. She is in a relationship. He's done something significant without running it by her first. it is possible that some people may turn up in the couples twilight years causing all sorts of discord.

Flip the situation, wife takes it upon herself to be a surrogate mother, comes home pregnant. Don't think the husband is going to be too chuffed. And rightly so.

The entire problem with donation is that it doesnt remain anonymous any more. Which will in turn, stop people being inclined to donate as they don't want strangers on their doorstep.

What a bloody idiot. She wants women to have rights over their husbands' sperm, doesn't she see that that would lead to men getting rights over wives' reproductive systems too? It cuts both ways.

Yes jumpingthroughhoops but they are issues of lack of trust and honesty between the couple. They don't mean that we should start legislating for other people to have rights over our bodies! Honestly. The principle of bodily autonomy in this country is sacred. It is what protects women against sexual assault, protects disabled people against indignities and assault, protects people against forced organ donation, and protects women's reproductive rights amongst many other things. If you try to move the goalposts on it then many bad consequences would follow.

Just asked DH whether he would do this and a) he wouldn't do it without talking about it and b) finds it quite disturbing and what is his motivation.

Morally he should have consulted her, legally its his sperm he can do what he likes with it, he wouldn't have to tell her if he had an affair, or when he has a wank, so why should this sperm be more important than any other of her husbands ejaculate?

I maybe missing something, but I think I agree with her.

They are married not living together as husband and wife, married.

If a women becomes pregnant while married, isn't is automatically assumed her husband is the father? So if Jo Blogs (Or David Blunket) claims otherwise, it's tough.

As a married woman, I wouldn't be donating my eggs without my husbands consent.

I agree he SHOULD have told her but its messy grounds to get into legally. Would you support a husbands right to force his wife into an abortion, or to force her to have the contreceptive injection, or to stop her getting her eggs frozen if she wants a baby later in life.

She has the right to divorce him and that should be her only right.

However, i am unsure whether i think that all the children from the donor, those born in marriage should have rights, to the details of each other, later on.

This does effect some people, the thought that they have half siblings that they never knew.

I am supporting a relative (16), that i didn't know existed until 18 months ago, she is now living in a hostel. I have a sense that in some way myself and my DH (deceased) have let her down, even though we didn't know her.

She wasn't treated very well by her foster carer. i think that the research and support needs to catch up with the law over issues suchas this.

If this isn't discussed by the couple, then they have problems that they should sort out, it shouldn't take leglislation to sort it out for them.

It does make a mockery of paternal 'birth family' rights, tbh.

"As a married woman, I wouldn't be donating my eggs without my husbands consent" neither would I but I wouldn't want it put in law that I could't

The reason surrogacy agreements are not legally binding in this country is because a contract cannot legally control something so personal to being as one's reproductive activity, and a marriage contract is no different.

What an odd situation we would have if gamete donation required spouse approval but affairs are not illegal and if we went down that road, well, I don't think the results would be pretty.

Surely (subheading in article) it should be 'effect' not 'affect'?

I think everyone has the right to know where they come from. That is a natural curiosity. So perhaps medical records could be left with the adoption files with an over view of a persons life.

But I don't agree with the right - either for donor or adopted children to be able to access actual information and turn up 20 odd years later and ruin someones life.

I've seen too many lives blighted by a past catching up with them or, the child having made a fantasy of the birth family only to find out it is completely different from their expectations.

Nope, still think the wife is wrong. Its his sperm, he can do what he wants with it. Donating sperm is nothing like having an affair and the two are not comparable imo.

She's not going to get anywhere with this, and i don't think we should be giving spouses/partners control over each others gametes. Your body (or sperm or eggs), your say

I sort of understand why he might have felt he didn't want to disucss it - He might see it as no different from donating blood etc, and you would probably do that whatever your spouse thought. Maybe it was very important to him to do this?

However, if it was me, I definitely would have discussed it. I am totally in favour of 'known' donation and not in favour of anonymous donation, but that does mean you have extra considerations, and if one of the children wants to meet him later or write him a letter, it might be quite emotional for his wife as well and affect her

I think the idea that something like sperm should be considered a "marital asset" is dangerous. I also think it is dangerous that a person's decision to do something with their body requires consent of a spouse.

She'd fit in well on the feminist boards