to think this woman is mad if she thinks she has this right?

[tittytittyhanghang]

daily mail alert btw for those who don't like it

I mean if her husband was a decent chap he'd be discussing these things with her beforehand, but ultimately it is his sole decision.

Throwing a slightly different bone in - what about those cases where embryos have been frozen. The couple subsequently get divorced and the woman sues for use of the embryo against the mans wishes.

She is unhinged. If my husband donated sperm without discussing it with me I'd be angry with him and it would make me question our relationship if he didn't think my opinion mattered.
In a world where a woman can have a termination without getting the permission of the foetus's father it seems bizarre to expect gamete donors to need permission from another adult. Ultimately people have legal control over their own bodies.

I think there have been those cases and, in the one I remember, the embryos were destroyed as the father would not give consent for them to be used.

Jumping there was one case that i remember where they were destroyed on the husbands say so, but that was because he could not opt out of financially responsible.

The one gap that does need to change is the councelling being optional.

I think she's wrong in that it would open too many other doors that would be better kept shut.
On the other hand she's probably hurting that he's lied to her and is hitting out. I know I
Would be devastated if my dh did that to me and as much as I admire people who donate sperm and eggs to do it secretly in a marriage would really test our relationship.

DH wanted to donate sperm recently and we discussed it a lot before he went ahead. In the end they didn't accept his donation as you need "above average" sperm and his was only "average" (poor DH!). But, if he had gone ahead with it without discussing it with me I would have been very upset and hurt.

That said I don't think there should be a law governing this issue. As others have said, it's purely a personal matter, not one to be dealt with in law.

she is right to be annoyed but legally you cannot give married people rights over their husband/wifes sperm/eggs.

i donated eggs this year with dp's support and he was offered counselling as well.

btw a child conceived by donor eggs/sperm is entitled to certain info when they turn 18 but they have to apply ti hfea? and they cannot just turn up on your doorstep. the donor will be informed that they have requested info. initial contact will be done through the hfea and a donir has the right to say they want no contact.

the child of the donor would get all medical info etc and the basic details and whatever else the donor has okayed. i wrote a letter to be given to any children from my eggs and said i would be happy to meet them but would understand if they didnt want to. my children also know sbout the donation and agian it would be their choice if they wanted contact.

donating sperm ir eggs is something that you should morally consult a partner about. but you cannot legislate this.

I don't think it should be law.

Imagine if women needed a father to be permission to have an abortion, there would be a public backlash.

It is his sperm if he wants to donate it he can, in the same way he could donate his kidney to a total stranger

I think this is incredibly scary.

If sperm are a marital asset, so presumably are eggs? In which case men would have a legal right to decide what happens to a fertilized egg in a woman's womb.

Fuck that.

I can understand her view. However im not sure if she should have any legal say in what her husband does with his sperm.

I disagree about children being able to track down their birth families/donors. There should be a medical history in the files & thats about all there should be.

They should be sitting down & having a talk about their relationship not dragging it through the court.

If Sperm became a marital asset

It would bring a whole new meaning to losing your balls in the devorce

The problem she has isn't the law as it stands now (or lack of it wrt this scenario) but her husband making quite a major decision that could affect his family without even taking them into account (or so it seems).

Rather than try to change the law (she doesn't have much chance at that) she needs to sort things out with her husband. Their marriage is in trouble if one is doing something like donating sperm to create life without at least consulting his wife first.

desperately

im pretty sure it could be delt with using unreasonable behaviour in a divorce but thats about it

YANBU. It's his body, his choice.

wild why should children concieved via donor sperm or eggs not have the right to know who their genetic parents are? the lae changed fairly recently after much debate and research. essrntially i think it was seen as a basic human right to kniw who your genetic family were. plenty of studies of adults who were concieved via donir sperm or eggs were also spoken to and expressed their opinion that it was important.

it is all strictly regulated in the uk. limits on how many families can use the same genetic eggs/sperm, how many children can come from one donor, and the donor can choose to put a cap on how many children and how many families etc.

plus its all on a national register, so my children are on there and a child concieved via my eggs could then check that they werent having a relationship with a genetic sibling.

and i repeat they cannit just turn up at your door, it doesnt work like that. i have no legal or financial obligations to the children concieved using my eggs.

Children of sperm donors had to fight long and hard to know their basic human right of where they came from. It is appalling that anyone thought it didn't matter. If my DCs were to have half siblings in the world I think that they have the right to know.

THinking about this a bit more, I can't see how this situation really compares with asking a woman to abort or continue a pregnancy. The latter asks for a woman to do violate her body. Donating sperm does not fall into this sort of category.

Men can have affairs and father children quite legally, though as a society we discourage this sort of behaviour. I'm quite liberal anyway and so agree with most on here that this should not be made part of law. But I do think that there should be, morally, an industry standard whereby donor clinics accept only single men or married men with wives consent.

For what it's worth when I was a surrogate both my dh and I had counselling together prior to the arrangement being agreed by the ethics committee, I don't know for sure but I suspect we would not have been approved if dh disagreed or was not available for the meetings.

So fathering a child through an extra marital affair should be illegal?

His body, his business. Imagine the outrage if a man decided he wanted ownership of his wife's ovaries.

"I can't see how this situation really compares with asking a woman to abort or continue a pregnancy."

It compares because it is giving someone else control over what you do with your body.

So thinking about it, it may be much less unreasonable to subject licensed clinics to legislation preventing them using the gametes of a married person without their spouse's consent than it would be to subject individuals to restrictions on their reproduction.

I remember an episode of Law and Order with this topic actually!

So it must have once been a case in US law, as they are normally based on real cases.

Interesting, as some wedding vows are about giving up bodily rights to your partner, aren't they?

yes dp was offerred counselling when i donated my eggs. i haf counsrlli g and discussed it thoroughly with dp before donating. the clinic i used made it quite clear that my partner should be in agreement.

this woman should look at her relationship with her husband, that us the issue, not the legal side of donating which is very well regulated in the uk at least.

btw i donated this year. counselling was not optional i had to have it and the counsellor made it clear they would say so if she didnt think i was suitable. we bith had to sign a legal document to say we had talked about ethical, moral and legal issues to do witj donation. i still have my copy, it really was very thorough.

and i totallt agree with the children having legal right to knowledge about their genetic family.

I think I would be upset if my DP did this without me knowing about it. 'Marital asset' is a bit strong though. I would hope he would feel able to discuss it with me though.

There is no way I could support her idea, as a reciprocal arrangement would be catestrophic for women.

I understand why she is cross. but she is trying to divert the attention form being fucked off that her DH went behind her back, onto a battle with the legality.

I feel a bit sorry for her.