To tell the hosts that DH didn't come to their party because he couldn't be bothered?

[bushymcbush]

We have been invited to a housewarming BBQ this afternoon. We've known about it for a couple of weeks.

This morning DH has decided he's not going. He says he doesn't feel like it. He's trying to make up for it with promises to do some housework.

It's not a coincidence at all that he realised this morning there is a BTCC race on telly this aft. Oh no.

So WIBU to not make up some crappy excuse for him when I arrive at the party without him, and just tell them the truth?

He has form for this kind of thing btw.

I wonder what happened ?

I hope he's not buried under the patio......

My ex used to do this sort of thing regularly. It puts you in such an awkward situation with the hosts. His lack of consideration for me and others is one of the reasons he is an ex! Not that I am saying at all that this instance alone is reason to go to that length! Just that it can be a sign, together with others, of who is trying to make a relationship work and who doesn't do a thing.

If he doesn't want to go he doesn't want to go. You don't go either if you're that bothered.

If this was the other way round the man would be told to eff off and let the woman have a rest. And 'indulge'

He can have a day off today if you get one tomorrow?

Where's he going to take them?

Hope the party was ok OP :)

I used to have this sort of thing with my ex all the time. No advice but I know how grim it is. It's the sort of thing that is very annoying but somehow you end up looking petty.

I would tell him that it was unacceptable not to come and I would tell truth to friends. He may be an adult but he's a selfish one.

whats the problem. He is an adult and is able to make up his own mind whether to attend something or not.

An adult, with 2 dc, a wife and friends he committed to going somewhere with. He should've never agreed to go in first place rather than leave DW with %mo EBF babe to ferry 80 miles at drop of hat cos he wants to watch sport. Selfish twat.

There really are a lot of problem-blind wankers on MN this weather.

And since when did being an adult mean doing whatever the fuck you please?

Didn't it used to be about being grown up and responsible?

"And since when did being an adult mean doing whatever the fuck you please? Didn't it used to be about being grown up and responsible?"

Isn't this at the heart of almost every problem posted about on MN?

Yep - if he was unmarried with no DCs, if he decided not to go to the BBQ he'd have to call the hosts himself and make up an excuse, or face being seen as an arse with his friends for just not turning up (and probably leading to not being invited in the future to events he wanted to go to). But what he's doing is deciding that he's not going to go and trusting that his DW's 'loyalty' to the family unit will lead her to make a convincing excuse to cover up his bad behaviour.

By leaving it to the day when plans have been made, he makes it harder for the OP to talk him round or to talk to the hosts in advance who might (or their other mutual friends might) make it akward by asking him why he's not going.

Most importantly, by leaving it to the last minute he is using his 3 year old as a human shield, by using her disappointment to emotionally blackmail his wife into taking both children and leaving him at home child free.

Really, the child's disappointment at not going is on him, but the OP has fallen for it.

I like the idea of taking the remote.

he is an adult and can do as he pleases. just deal with it and get on with your social life.

He's a parent of small children. That means he doesn't get to do as he pleases on a whim.

There's nothing remotely adult about just pleasing yourself at everybody else's expense.

Although the prevalence of morons who think maturity is expressed in selfishness is quite enlightening.

He sounds like an arse. It's not fair on you or the kids. Have tomorrow afternoon off and he l the kids.

And have emeregancy milk in the freezer so you can cal his bluff and leave him with the baby!

"he's an adult and can do as he pleases.". Haha. Surely only written by a man or someone without children.

And that's ignoring the reality of how rude he is being to the hosts of the BBQ.

Update - I went to the party with my kids and we had a great time. In fact, I decided I had a better time without him than i would have with him, because wihenever we go to a gathering as a family, he has a lovely time chatting and drinking while I do all the childcare anyway, getting more and more angry with his lack of parenting and lack of support. So I'm glad he didn't come.

I told them the truth - that he didn't feel like it and he was home watching the touring cars - and they were a bit embarrassed but everyone was lovely to me and they all helped out with the kids.

And we are staying overnight at my dad's as he lives close to the party. Thanks to whoever suggested we stay over somewhere - I'm having a lovely break.

Good news! I'm glad you made it work for you :)

Am glad you had fun and getting a break. I would be tempted to show him this thread tbh. Does he realise he's been a knobbo?

Bloody good for you op

Glad it worked out. Although its good for him too - lovely free evening and a lie in tomorrow v

Good for you!

My DP is exactly the same! He has to be cajolled and talked into going to anything social and pulls out at the last minute. Last time it as a birthday party for someone who is primarily HIS friend and he pulled out an hour before it started. I was too embarassed not to go, so dragged 8 month old DD with me to the shops to buy a present, turned up and told the truth: DP could not be bothered to come as he had just received delivery of his new computer.

He sounds like such a dick. No wonder you have a better time when he's not there.

Stupid cunt probably thinks he won again and can't see the damage he's doing.