To tell the hosts that DH didn't come to their party because he couldn't be bothered?

[bushymcbush]

We have been invited to a housewarming BBQ this afternoon. We've known about it for a couple of weeks.

This morning DH has decided he's not going. He says he doesn't feel like it. He's trying to make up for it with promises to do some housework.

It's not a coincidence at all that he realised this morning there is a BTCC race on telly this aft. Oh no.

So WIBU to not make up some crappy excuse for him when I arrive at the party without him, and just tell them the truth?

He has form for this kind of thing btw.

Get expressing so you can leave enough with dh?

In that case dont be a martyr..Record the sport on tv and tell him to grow the fuck up

I'm not going to try and control him. I can't make him go. He's an adult.

However I don't have to cover up for him, do I? But I'm worried it makes me look like a twat if I say to them, "DH didn't feel like it and he's watching the touring cars at home." I can just see their embarrassed tight smiles.

To be honest, if its a party full of friends, you probably won't need to do much parenting anyway; everyone will be fussing over the children.

He's still being a prize arse though. Are they your friends, his or both? Either way I'd be telling him to get the hell in the car, really.

Less of a twat than making excuses and pretending it's ok. Just make sure he realises what you're going to tell them. He's the one who's going to look like a twat.

This demonstrated a basic misunderstanding of responsibility and commitment. So HE gets to choose what social activities he will attend and when he does childcare and you just have to agree?

Un-freaking-believable. I do not understand men like this not why women put up with it.

With the best will in the world, I'm not going to be able to express maybe 4 feeds worth of milk in the next half hour.

If only it was possible to record the race in some way ... oh, hang on, it is.

OP he sounds like a big, rude baby - tell him he is going [or take the TV with you].

Bushy, if you didn't have children, you'd maybe be right. But you do. That changes everything.

Bling, what do you mean? Right about what?

Don't cover up for him, don't apologise and don't worry about it. I am sure you will have a lovely time.

That hes an adult and you can't force him. You seem to think him not coming is a legitimate choice, even if it's bad for you, because he is an independent adult who can make his own decisions. But it's not. It's him believing that he is more important in your family than the rest of you.

Ah, no.

Tell them that, don not make excuses for him if he does not go, Make him phone up before you go.

Think you're being a bit full on there Bling - despite the fact I do think he's being a bit of a toad, he is not employed by his family, and actually does have free will.

Oh my god. Why is mumsnet populated with so many doormats? Seriously OP tell him to fuk off to the far sidevof fuck. He fancied a nice child free afternoon does he? Don't we all. You all go or nobody goes. End of. His behaviour will only continue if you enable it now.

He is a knob.

You are letting him be a knob. Hope that helps.

Oh, X1 used to do this. I gave up lying for him, it just wasn't worthwhile. Neither was the marriage, actually.

Can you stay over with someone nearby?

Nah, I agree with bling. He's being a dick. Making OP doing all the driving and childcare alone.

So if any of you decide you really don't want to go to a social occasion, you will all be happy to be told you don't have that choice and you're going whether you like it or not, yes?

Bollocks you will.

Pictish if I didn't want to go to a social occasion because I was ill or upset about something I would expect not to have grief but if I had agreed to go somewhere well in advance and my toddler was excited about going so we couldn't cancel I wouldn't just go "Oh sorry, staying at home to watch tv." That's just selfish rude behaviour and totally inconsiderate of the OP who will now have to drive two small children a long distance and look after them all day on her own while her partner sits on his arse and suits himself. If it had been arranged in advance, fine, but he just backed out at the last minute. Not fine.

Pictish Irrc the dh was aware (for a few weeks) about the invite. it was agreed they would all go , that's a bit different.

If it meant my dh was going to be left to do all the driving & childcare and have to lie for me and I had already agreed to go then damn right I would put him and my dc first and suck it up.

Dh and I do get child free time each but it's planned around the dc/each other.

Post with callin (who put it much better)