Niece has lost the shoes I bought her :(

[minikimmi]

My niece (oh's goddaughter) started school last week and we decided to offer to buy her part of her uniform. We agreed on paying for her first school shoes and I told her mum to take her to get fitted then put them behind the counter and I'd go down and pay/pick up. So, as an aside, the shoes were lelli kelli's (?)niot that this really matters here but I wanted her to have something really nice that she wanted and would be special for her. Bear in mind I'm the mother of a teenager and no such thing existed when my dd went to school. I was shocked by the price, I admit but paid and handed them in the night before school started. My niece was thrilled with her admittedly lovely wee shoes. School has been back a week now and last night we popped over to see her and ask about how it all went. She is only 4, and being an honest wee soul, the first thing she blurted out was 'Aunty Kim I lost my shoes' and burst into tears. Upon asking her mum what had happened, she rolled her eyes, said 'what's she like eh?' and told me that she had came home in her gym shoes on the Wednesday and the shoes must have 'fallen out of her bag' on the way home.
Now, she is 4, meaning she was accompanied home on that day, why did no one see them being dropped? Also, surely they must be somewhere? Mum asked in the school and asked a few neighbours and that was it. They are now accepted lost. To top it off my niece asked me on the way out if I was going 'to smack her' for losing the shoes. My heart near broke. Apparently her mum had said, 'your Aunty Kim is going to be so mad at you!' I feel like smacking her bloody mum! I am so frustrated by this, I slept about 3 hours last night as I'm so wound up, AIBU? I understand kids lose things but I think the way this has been handled is awful. I'm also worrying about my poor wee niece having no shoes for school on Monday! Calm me down please :(

Were the shoes not labelled?? Those shoes are really expensive aren't they? (I have a reception going DS so no ideas about girls shoes for the moment!).

I know this is going to sound harsh but I really can't see a problem here....and certainly not one to lose sleep over.

Kids lose things all the time at school/on the school run...which is why parents tend not to spend stupid amounts of money on school things.

So no-one saw them fall out of her bag? Well no-one saw the school jumper slip from round my DS's waist just before he broke up...and there were 4 of us walking with him.

'your Aunty Kim is going to be so mad at you!'

What's the problem with saying that to her child if that's what the Mother felt?

when you give a present they are gne and I think whilst u might be secretly annoyed you need to calm down about it! I have no idea how much these shoes cost but I wold imagine its a lesson learnt about spending too much on young children who often lose their belongings. I am also puzzled as to why you are so angry with her mum?? I am sure that her mum won't send her into school barefoot. I'm sorry but you seem to be over reacting a bit!

If she came home in her gym shoes she obviously lost them changing for PE. I bet one of the other little girls has them. But losing sleep over it? Really?

Why wouldn't her Mum just send her in whatever she wore on her feet Thursday and Friday?

Ok it won't help with the lost ones but Clarks do shoe name labels, 6 pairs for about £3. We did DS's school shoes and gym shoes for starting P1 last week.

It really does drive you mad children losing things, your poor DN being made to feel so bad is really harsh though. She's only 4

Aw you sound like a fab aunty!

I tell my kids that such n such will be annoyed if they have broken or lost something that person has bought. Its just a saying really.

Why would u spend stupid amounts of money on school things? I grudge spending £30 on clarks shoes but thats the only place i can get shoes to fit my dd. i make sure they are labelled.

i'd say lelli kellys were totally unsuitable for school....but I am thinking of those barbie-esque sequinned, flowered, lurid colour affairs, so will stand to be corrected if they now do a sensible navy school shoe range.

and three hours sleep? A tad of an over reaction over lost shoes really.

Sounds to me that you want to be fairygodmothersuper Aunt and are more cross at that image being tarnished.

I tell my kids that such n such will be annoyed if they have broken or lost something that person has bought. Its just a saying really

Precisely

It's not like the OP said she bent down and shouted that in her little girl's face or anything.

Simply saying "your Aunty Kim is going to be so mad at you" is hardly a reason for wanting to smack the Mother

Leli Kelly school shoes are close enough to £50 . I know because my children are begging me for them.

They'll more likely than not get them, however, kids lose things. Often. It's just one of those things you have to accept when deciding how much money to spend on their school things. We've had to buy a new something or another that has been lost at least twice per term. Mainly gym bags, gym shoes or packed lunch bags or cardigans. It's frustrating but it gets better as they get older.

They were probably never in her bag. They'll be in the school somewhere or in another child's bag. They might turn up again in a few days, they might not.

these I imagine

I think OP is more upset that her niece was worried she was going to get smacked for losing something.

Worra, her mother has no right to pre-suppose how I was going to react, so yeah, that's wound me up. It's like those weak assed mums who threaten their kids with 'wait til your father gets home' rather than dealing with the issue themselves at the time. I don't know why I'm so wound up, I have a kid, I know they lose things but I'm now worried that she was smacked or unduly reprimanded for something that was in essence an accident.
Yes £55 is a LOT for shoes, but she is my only niece and I admit I spoil her a little. AND, it was my SIL who chose them, so maybe I'm angry at her for being so blase about shoes that she picked out. I don't know, I'm confused by how I feel. I should probably let it go, I wanted to offer a new pair but DH was adamant that I shouldn't. Hmmm.

Thank you squeakytoy, yes I am.

My niece burst out crying as soon as she saw me, she seemed genuinely scared. I do think her mother threatened her with my response.

Do you smack your niece then?

If you don't, I can't see why she assumed you were going to smack her for losing her shoes.

They're probably inside someone else's PE bag, hanging on a peg in class.

If these shoes were more 'normal' in price, I'm sure none of this would have been a problem.

A harsh lesson learnt about sending 4yr old children to school in expensive shoes that you know they have to take off during PE.

You wouldn't trust a 4yr old to take care of a £50 mobile phone at school would you?

So really I think the only 2 people you should be annoyed at are yourself and the girl's Mum.

Could you pop out and get her another pair of shoess ? - take her to the cinema this afternoon and pick-up some cheapies from Asda, get her some of those fancy socks with woven in ribbon trim to match her school uniform and all will be well.

Poor wee girl. She is probably more upset that she has lost her shiny shoes than she is scared. Mine cried when her Leli kelly play shoes got dirty, not because she would be in trouble but because she thought she had ruined her "most speshul" shoes.

I wouldn't rush out and buy new ones. Get SIL to check lost property. I once found almost a compplete uniform belonging dd2 in the lost property box and wait until Wednesday, it is entirely possible that they're in another kids gym bag.

If they don't turn up Leli Kelly shoes last forever, which is why I cope with the puketastic glittery ones. They sell second hand on ebay for around half of the price and are often as new. Try replacing them with those instead of new ones.

I wouldn't recommend secondhand shoes for anyone, especially children.

This is because they'll be moulded to the shape of the feet of the previous wearer and can cause problems with growing feet.

Oh worra are you serious? If one adult smacks a child is it completely inconceivable that they might assume another adult might? Of course I don't smack my niece, but I know her mother does. Yes, I am annoyed at her mum, but for reasons over and above the material issue of the shoes.
I don't know what 'normal' price for shoes is anymore, I have a teenager who spends £90 on Irregular Choice shoes. I do remember Clarks shoes were about £40 15 years ago so maybe £50 odd now is the norm? That's not the point.

Clark's shoes are usually between £35 and £40 these days. They've gone down hill ime recently. Mine went through 5 pairs between them last year, not because they grew, but because they kept dropping to bits, which is why I am now considering Leli Kelly ones. I'd rather spend £50 outright and know they'll last (assuming they are of the same quality as their canvas ones) than pay £40 per term, per child.

Skechers are on offer on M and M Direct atm and they're quite a hard wearing shoe.

You obviously dislike her mother and are using this incident as another reason to be annoyed at her. If you enjoy spoiling your niece and spending time with her I would possibly make more effort with her mum.

Fair enough but they're just shoes

They'll either turn up or they won't...the same as all the other things kids lose at school.

You chose to spend whatever they cost and fair enough you're disappointed they're gone, but losing sleep over it is ridiculous.

I'm getting the impression you're taking your anger over the lost shoes out on the little girl's Mum, when really you should just move on now.

I have a good relationship with her mum, it has nothing to do with that.