Niece has lost the shoes I bought her :(

[minikimmi]

My niece (oh's goddaughter) started school last week and we decided to offer to buy her part of her uniform. We agreed on paying for her first school shoes and I told her mum to take her to get fitted then put them behind the counter and I'd go down and pay/pick up. So, as an aside, the shoes were lelli kelli's (?)niot that this really matters here but I wanted her to have something really nice that she wanted and would be special for her. Bear in mind I'm the mother of a teenager and no such thing existed when my dd went to school. I was shocked by the price, I admit but paid and handed them in the night before school started. My niece was thrilled with her admittedly lovely wee shoes. School has been back a week now and last night we popped over to see her and ask about how it all went. She is only 4, and being an honest wee soul, the first thing she blurted out was 'Aunty Kim I lost my shoes' and burst into tears. Upon asking her mum what had happened, she rolled her eyes, said 'what's she like eh?' and told me that she had came home in her gym shoes on the Wednesday and the shoes must have 'fallen out of her bag' on the way home.
Now, she is 4, meaning she was accompanied home on that day, why did no one see them being dropped? Also, surely they must be somewhere? Mum asked in the school and asked a few neighbours and that was it. They are now accepted lost. To top it off my niece asked me on the way out if I was going 'to smack her' for losing the shoes. My heart near broke. Apparently her mum had said, 'your Aunty Kim is going to be so mad at you!' I feel like smacking her bloody mum! I am so frustrated by this, I slept about 3 hours last night as I'm so wound up, AIBU? I understand kids lose things but I think the way this has been handled is awful. I'm also worrying about my poor wee niece having no shoes for school on Monday! Calm me down please :(

Initially I was horrified at the make and the price, but actually, following the link, they weren't that much more expensive than the start-rite school shoes on offer. Depending on cut, size, fitting, stock, there might not have been that much choice - speaking as the mother of a child who was an H fitting with a high instep - and it was one style of Start-rite and a few buckle my shoes when they were around or Geox.

It's a pair of shoes - they'll probably turn up. If her feet fit them, get her a cheap pair for next week. Sounds like an extravagant purchase blown out of all proportion due to the price which came as a shock and might not have been what mum would have bought if she had been spending her own money in the first place.

The mum should have phoned you first rather than trying to lay the blame on the child.

Ps I just bought dd some school shoes from clarks they cost about 30 pounds.

What a sad situation.

I can´t help thinking-& I may be wrong-that SIL doesn´t give a toss as she didn´t pay.

In fact she might be pissed off that she´s now got to buy shoes.

I think she had a bloody cheek choosing ones for 50GBP as well-sounds as if she took the piss there(imo).

I´d also be asking SIL to check some more.

What diddl said.

Tbh op I really think you are overreacting.

It isn't a sad situation diddl its a child of 4 losing their school shoes. Kids lose and ruin stuff all the time. Dd ruined a pair of brand new trainers on a school trip. This kind of thing happens. If you buy something as a gift then once it has been accepted you no longer have any say I what happens o the gift. Whilst it may be irritating it is really no longer the ops concern. I am sure that the shoes may well turn up and if they don't the little girls mum will undoubtedly replace them probably with something cheaper.

I'm not angry about the lost shoes, I'm angry that a 4 year old girl is being made to feel bad about something that yes, is not the end of the world. I also feel that her mother found it easier to just accept them as gone and scold the child rather than be proactive about finding them or replacing them. Is that not what adults do, take responsibilty? I shudder to think of her getting smacked and being scared about seeing me, it's really upsetting. I feel like calling the school/hunting for them myself, if it makes her feel better. Unfortunately I live miles away and I'm not sure it's appropriate to call the school. Yes, I am frustrated with the way her mum has dealt with it, but in general we get on great. Our relationship is not an issue here.

Op I think you and your SIL are both being over dramatic, especially given that they may well turn up again at school.

Poor little girl - she's been wound up since Wednesday about the loss of her shoes and your possible reaction. Don't blame you for being upset over it, she's so little. :(

Re. the shoes themselves - what a PITA - but for goodness' sake don't bother buying those over-priced jobbies again, especially if your SIL CBA to actually take good care of them.

Are you serious OP? Other than ask the school about the shoes, how else would you expect the shoes to be hunted down? Yes you're right that it would be completely inappropriate for you to ring the school.

YANBU to be upset.

I would be fuming at the mother for saying I would be mad (making the child scared and upset) and also for blaming the child for losing the shoes.

As an aside, normally schools specify plain black shoes for school and they are more than adequate. LK shoes strike me as being total fashion items without being supportive of young, developing feet.

"What are they like?" = child's fault they are lost.

I think the mother should have apologised to you. She must have known how expensive they are and should have taken better care of them.

Yes, cansu I am serious. Seeing a little girl upset over something that in the grander scheme of things doesn't matter can on occasion make people with hearts think about doing irrational things.
And yes, I know it would be inappropriate to ring the school, I just feel frustrated about the whole thing.

"Sounds to me that you want to be fairygodmothersuper Aunt and are more cross at that image being tarnished."

It doesn't come across as that at all.

JustFabulous yes, the thought of my niece being more or less told to fear me over a pair of lost shoes is making my stomach churn.

Well it´s sad to me that the little girl is so distraught by what her mother seems to have told her that OPs reaction would/might be.

You say you're not angry about the lost shoes and that your anger is because your Niece was made to feel bad for losing them...but then you've come across in almost every post as though you are actually angry that the shoes were lost

So a Mum says to her DD 'your aunty is going to be annoyed'...that's really not the big deal you're trying to make it out to be.

And just a thought...it's not totally out of the question that the little girl might have asked if you were going to smack her, just to change the subject...knowing you'd say "No of course not"

It's known as turning on the charm when you think you're in trouble

Seems odd to me that the mother collected her in her gym shoes didn´t check that the shoes were in the gym bag.

"What are they like?" = child's fault they are lost

I think the mother should have apologised to you. She must have known how expensive they are and should have taken better care of them

JustFabulous how does that even make sense?

How can a Mother take better care of a pair of shoes that someone else is wearing?

oh bless her, poor little thing, very sad that she was scared she was going to be smacked :( that woudl upset me as well :(

and tbh i do think if someone buys you some expensive shoes you do try and take care of them, yes children lose things but if it were me i would have retraced my steps to see if i could find them, often people pick up dropped things and put them on a wall so they are easier to see.

i would also have had a good hunt around the cloakroom myself and spoken to the teacher. at our school they will let you put a sign up in the classroom door/window saying " child has lost item, and details of size and what it looks like. this has happened a few times iwth lost coats and shoes as they ARE expensive.

as an aside lelli kelly do school shoes and they are also well made, some of them even go in the washing machine, they do last well and are very supportive.

and £50 a pair is what i have to pay for mine as they have wide feet, high instep, so geox, ricosta.

did the mum not label them?

i would be uspet as well if my neice (well nephew i dont have a neice) was that upset and scared of being smacked :(

I am sure that you said "don't worry sweetheart they will turn up and if not mummy will get you some more shoes. It's not the end of the world " and then moved on to talk about something else. If you did this then everyone would take their cue from you and move on. It seems that the mum and little girl oth seem over concerned about our reaction to losing the shoes. Maybe you should reassure them that you are not as annoyed as they were expecting you to be.

diddl My kids gym bags stay in school on their coat pegs.

It's quite possible the little girl simply popped them in someone else's bag that looked the same.

If so, they'll probably be discovered during the next PE lesson.

also yes did the mum check they were in the gym bag? when i pick my children up, i check they have everything! the little ones anyway, the elder ones get a reminder.

and if i had checked i had them at school and then they were gone by the time i got home i would retrace my steps even if it meant walking all the way back to school, have done it before when dd lost one (toddler who takes them off and throws them out of the pushchair!)

things DO get lost, but if someone has bought them as a gift then hell yes i would be apologising!

How on earth have I came across in every post that I'm angry about the lost shoes?!