Niece has lost the shoes I bought her :(

[minikimmi]

My niece (oh's goddaughter) started school last week and we decided to offer to buy her part of her uniform. We agreed on paying for her first school shoes and I told her mum to take her to get fitted then put them behind the counter and I'd go down and pay/pick up. So, as an aside, the shoes were lelli kelli's (?)niot that this really matters here but I wanted her to have something really nice that she wanted and would be special for her. Bear in mind I'm the mother of a teenager and no such thing existed when my dd went to school. I was shocked by the price, I admit but paid and handed them in the night before school started. My niece was thrilled with her admittedly lovely wee shoes. School has been back a week now and last night we popped over to see her and ask about how it all went. She is only 4, and being an honest wee soul, the first thing she blurted out was 'Aunty Kim I lost my shoes' and burst into tears. Upon asking her mum what had happened, she rolled her eyes, said 'what's she like eh?' and told me that she had came home in her gym shoes on the Wednesday and the shoes must have 'fallen out of her bag' on the way home.
Now, she is 4, meaning she was accompanied home on that day, why did no one see them being dropped? Also, surely they must be somewhere? Mum asked in the school and asked a few neighbours and that was it. They are now accepted lost. To top it off my niece asked me on the way out if I was going 'to smack her' for losing the shoes. My heart near broke. Apparently her mum had said, 'your Aunty Kim is going to be so mad at you!' I feel like smacking her bloody mum! I am so frustrated by this, I slept about 3 hours last night as I'm so wound up, AIBU? I understand kids lose things but I think the way this has been handled is awful. I'm also worrying about my poor wee niece having no shoes for school on Monday! Calm me down please :(

Worra - by checking they were in the bag, making sure the bag was closed, being aware of something falling out of the bag.

exactly fab! you check and make sure the bag is done up and if you do lose something esp something as expensive as shoes you go back and see if you can find it.

op hopefully they will turn up and were just in someone esles gym bag? most parents are nice enough to return a pair of shoes that are not theirs. i say most as unforunately some are not nice and wil keep stuff!

Lelli Kelly's aren't school shoes, are they? . Sounds like a pretty relaxed uniform. Kids lose things all the time. If I had banked the money I've spent on school uniforms over the years I'd be very comfortably off indeed. It's pretty dim to terrorise a four year old for losing something; why the hell did the mum allow her to walk home in her gym shoes, if she'd told her to change there and then there wouldn't be a problem? If anyone's to "blame", it's not the 4 year old.

Ok not every post OP but you do sound more bothered than you're saying.

JustFabulous, that's if they were in the bag in the first place...they could well be in school.

Anyway OP I hope they turn up at the next PE lesson but really I'd let this one go and put it down to one of those things.

I think it's perfectly understandable that the OP is disappointed that the shoes have been lost tbh. They were a gift that she took care over choosing -she wanted her niece to have nice shoes.

If your dc have something unusual and expensive that they have taken into school you might check their bag. However there will be times when you don't and also when collecting dc in my primary you collect the child from the teacher, they are all standing ready with their bag in hand. To start rifling through the bag there and then is not the done thing as there are other parents milling around waiting to talk to teacher. I am sure your SIL was thinking about other things like asking child if they had a nice day, touching base quickly with teacher and getting out of busy school yard. This really isn't anyone fault and yes OP you also sound angry to me in most of your posts.

I'm impressed by the amount of parents who have the time and energy to search their child's bag every time they leave school.

I'm normally running around in circles by the time both of them eventually emerge, one often fifteen minutes after the other, having been laden with bags, packed lunches, school projects and plastic tat their friends have given them whilst simultaneously trying to prevent dd2 from running off home alone/with another family or climbing up things she shouldn't be. Checking their bags is the last thing on my mind.

I agree the shoes are most likely still in the school and were never in the nag in the first place.

I'm not angry about the shoes, just to reiterate that to you all. I have a teenager who has lost an iphone and a purse containing 150 quid. I know things happen. But to frighten a 4 year old about something like shoes, especially at such a monumentous time in her life, well yes, it's upset me.

Of course they might be in someone elses bag-that´s why think it´s odd that the mum is assuming that they must have been in the girls bag & both fallen out!

It's possible the shoes were coveted by another child and stolen, not dropped out of the gymbag.
Neither here nor there now though.

If you have a chance, sit down with your niece and tell her they are just shoes and she is not to worry.

I agree the mother should have apologised to you for her carelessness. Blaming the child is not one bit nice. If I were you I would take a close interest in this poor niece. With a mother like that, she needs you.

So really what's kept you awake is the Mother saying to her daughter that you're going to be angry with her?

Meh

At least you've explained that you're not

lelli kelly do make school shoes as well :)

and re checking bags, i dont check my elder ds, but ds3 is 7 and i will have a quick look, pe kit only comes home once a week. so its a just has he got lunch box, drinks bottle, jumper if he is not wearing it and book bag. takes all of ten seconds.

ds4 starts reception this sept and i will do the same with him.

i make my children carry their own bags, tho on music days i will help carry instruments, they will carry their bag and swim kits etc.

i do think it is unlikley the shoes were in the bag, so hopefully they will turn up at school.

i just wait for them to come out of the classroom, have a quick look and if they are missing anything i will send them back in to get said item, no getting in the way of anybody.

the teacher stands at the door checking the parent is there and then sends child out, we all wait a good few metres from the door, stand and chat etc, i guess it depends on teh size of playground and school chucking out policy?

ds2 is in yr 5/6 and he just comes out and goes onto the field to play football and i then spend forever getting off the pitch to go home.

mind our school has a 'stay and play till 4pm if you like' so the kids stay and play on the equipment, etc and the parents chat, not everyone, but often there are big groups that stay esp when the weather is nice :) this also means its easy to check fi you are missing anything and send a child back in to find stuff!

what math said, when you get the chance tell you neice not to worry, it was an accident. lets hope they turn up again tho :)

I don't check their bags as a general principle, but if one of them emerged in their gym shoes having gone in in a pair of Lelli Kelly's then I think I'd probably notice.

Yab Very, very, very unreasonable to have started me singing that bloody Lelly Kelly song! no doubt it will be going round and round in my head for hours now!!

Anyway, YANBU that you are not happy that your, obviously very loved, niece has been told that you will be angry with her. Just reassure her that regardless of what anyone else tells her, you would never be cross about an accident.

Children lose things, it's a fact of life, but I woul dbe tempted to ring the school myself and ask if they can have a quick check in the other girls pe bags, as these things do go missing all the time. If I'm being brutally honest, I don't think that Lelly Kelly shoes are suitable for school, but I appreciate that you wanted to give your niece something she would really like. In the future I'd stick to "Clarks" (or similar) for school, and fancy shoes for special occassions, apart from anything else, it will make it less likely that someone will just help themselves. You sound like a great Auntie though - wish I'd had one when I was growing up!

Ha ha , sorry ithinkitsjustme but I know of no such song and I think I'd like to keep it that way!
I won't see my niece until a week tomorrow and I hope it will all have blown over by then and that she's not worrying. Her mum sent her to school in her gym shoes on thurs and fri, but I imagine (hope) she'll pick something up for her this weekend. I know there will be part of her that is upset about losing her shiny shoes, and that's ok, just don't want her to think that the loss of material things is something to worry yourself about. Not at that age anyway, thanks for all the more understanding responses

If my 4 year old came out of school in plimsolls I would be asking where the shoes they went to school in were.

I sympathise, and don't think you are being unreasonable to feel frustrated that your SIL presumed to pre-suppose how you would respond to finding out that your DN had lost her shoes. I would be so cross! I am gobsmacked that your SIL didn't make more of an effort to apologise, especially having had the cheek to pick such expensive shoes. I must admit that when I started to read your thread, I thought: "That SIL has eBayed the shoes..." which probably isn't true. As a primary school teacher I usually know where most pupils' belongings are and spend lots of time pairing kids up with their stuff so I don't think they were lost at school. Poor you, I hope you can resolve these difficult feelings somehow.

Peaceful. I will now admit to having had the same thought (eBaying the shoes), but didn't say because I thought I'd be screamed at!

It had crossed my mind too. Those shoes have a fairly good resale value, especially if you still have the box.

We sell the dc's ones to put towards the cost of their next pair when they outgrow them.

Oh don't worry, my mother suggested that too! I know she didn't because a)she wouldn't know how to ebay if she tried and b)she has no internet access at home and is there all day with her other 2 kiddies.

UANBU to be very very annoyed.

No good moaning at 4y, but at that age her mother should have checked.

By the way if anyone ever finds a pair of impossible to lose bright orange crocs, DD2 would like them.

They went AWOL two years ago do they won't fit DD1 any more.

YABU to loose sleep over it, these things happen.

Lelli Kellys are great school shoes though, last really well and definately outlast the pile of overpriced shite that is a pair of clarks. And they don't put the plastic crap in the actual shoes.

I love the inverse snobbery on here, I mean how stupid and taken in are we who dare to buy the shoes in the adverts.

I agree Ismeyes. I detest the adverts. I hate the way the shoes look with all the beads and glitter and shite but I have to admit they're a very well made, long lasting shoe and far better quality than anything I have ever bought from Clarks.

I would be upset at having paid for such expensive shoes and then then being lost so quickly.

I am also at the inverse snobbery on here. Dd whinged for lelli kellis for ages and dh caved and got her a pair last year. They are the best shoes she has ever had-lasted a whole year and after chucking them in the machine they come up like new. Clarks are shite and last weeks if you are lucky. I bought ds a pair of startrite and 2 weeks later they are done

I bought her lelli kelli navy patent shoes for school and dh has just bought her lelli kelli boots for her birthday-but I will bloody well be making sure that they have her name in them and that they are looked after!!

I am sure if you your sister asks at the school the shoes may well turn up....