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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to throw out a photo disk, dh's ex?

97 replies

uselfullife · 25/08/2012 09:29

of a lovely holiday they had together?

disclaimer- we are separating, and I'm very annoyed with him right now

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 25/08/2012 19:36

He had photos of him and someone he cheated on you with years ago in your marital home all this time? really?

That info does not tally with what you said in your first post in the slightest.

Was she really an OW? Or was she just an EX? 'Cos I'm not buying it tbh.

FreudianLisp · 25/08/2012 19:55

YANBU to fantasise about distroying his stuff.

YWBU to actually do it.

If you must do something bitter, stick a post-it on the disk saying 'enjoy your happy holiday snaps' or something equally sarcastic, but don't destroy the disk. It's not yours. Destroying it won't change anything. It won't change the fact that he cheated.

I just don't understand revenge, I really don't. Walk away. Show you're above pettiness. Who was it who said 'The best revenge is living well'?

FreudianLisp · 25/08/2012 19:56

DESTROYING not distroying, obviously. Jeez, I'm more pissed than I thought I was.

Inertia · 25/08/2012 20:04

If the OW and holiday concerned are part of the reason for the breakup and provide evidence for a petition of adultery, I'd send it (or a copy) to your own solicitor.

If not, much as it hurts , just give him the disk back.

Original poster

uselfullife · 26/08/2012 00:40

Sgb, I think anger/revenge are all pretty normal emotions when it comes to betrayal
I don't think wanting or exacting revenge defines how you were in the relationship
I can assure you that I am not selfish, spiteful, nasty or hell to live with

Amberleaf, what exactly are you not buying?
Yes, she was the ow, you're right, it wasn't in my opening op, but I did mention it 10 minutes into the thread
He has put these photos onto disk since we have been married

Yes, I know I shouldn't have married him, wonderful thing hindsight

She is nothing to do with our breakup
Afaik, he hasn't seen her for 6-7 years

OP posts:

omfgkillmenow · 26/08/2012 00:48

put it on the telly on repeat play it and play it and dont let him fucking forget it

TroublesomeEx · 26/08/2012 08:53

Give it back to him.

It's not yours to destroy.

Whatever the history.

I agree, that feelings of anger/wanting revenge are all pretty normal, but that doesn't mean you have to indulge them like this.

Binkybix · 26/08/2012 10:02

I had read this as he was with the lady in the photos first, then got together with you after but you didn't know he was with someone else. I think I over complicated it!

Either way, I would just give it back. I understand you're angry with him, but it won't change anything really, and you'll feel better at being the bigger person in the long run.

Hope you're ok.

shinyrobot · 26/08/2012 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 26/08/2012 12:30

There is no way I'd be giving my husband a film of him and a woman he cheated on me with. (Sorry about the grammar there!) No way.

OneMoreChap · 26/08/2012 13:20

PooPooOnMars Sat 25-Aug-12 10:05:06
The fact she was the ow makes it quite different. Why didn't you mention that in your op?

Yes, possibly suspicious drip-feed.
If not, it makes no difference, not her stuff, bundle it up with the rest of his clart and let him pick it up.

Get on and have a happy life without him!

OneMoreChap · 26/08/2012 13:21

ImperialBlether Sun 26-Aug-12 12:30:52
There is no way I'd be giving my husband a film of him and a woman he cheated on me with. (Sorry about the grammar there!) No way.

Point of clarification?
Would you have gone to marry him after you'd found out about the affair.

OP allegedly did.

TheBigJessie · 26/08/2012 13:33

Put it in an envelope, label it, hand it over casually with all the other stuff.

If you do that, you say, "I saw it, and I don't care. I am over you." If you destroy it, you'll get a momentary glow of satisfaction. But it'll fade. You might even regret it.

But retaining your dignity, and treating someone as if they can't hurt you any more is a feeling that lasts forever.

Original poster

uselfullife · 26/08/2012 14:09

What's all this 'allegedly'?

I found him out
It was early on in our relationship
We got through it
Yes, with hindsight I shouldn't have married him

OP posts:

JustFabulous · 26/08/2012 16:44

If you got through it why are you still wanting revenge?

Original poster

uselfullife · 26/08/2012 18:11

I never mentioned revenge
I justthought I might throw out the photo disk.

OP posts:

JustFabulous · 26/08/2012 18:12

It comes across as revenge as he possibly wants to keep the photos and you would be binning them because you are pissed off and not because you are going him a genuine favour.

DoMeDon · 26/08/2012 18:19

Fuck me - you are hurt and upset - of course you considered it and a host of things I imagine. From your posts he sounds vile. Put it in with his stuff and move on. Being angry means you still care - when you are indifferent you will be over it.

Original poster

uselfullife · 26/08/2012 18:21

I just think it's a bit off to keep photos of ow

Tbf, he probably wouldn't notice if I binned them
Interesting ethics about it

I was very annoyed with him the other night, thread about it somewhere

I don't care much now
He's a waste of space

OP posts:

Bumblebee333 · 26/08/2012 18:23

I can't believe he put them onto the disk after you were married!! What a tosser.

Original poster

uselfullife · 26/08/2012 23:10

Inconsiderate is an understatement

OP posts:

CrispyCod · 26/08/2012 23:13

I think I'd probably 'lose' it if it were me. I can understand your anger.

At least you're rid now and moving on.

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