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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to throw out a photo disk, dh's ex?

97 replies

uselfullife · 25/08/2012 09:29

of a lovely holiday they had together?

disclaimer- we are separating, and I'm very annoyed with him right now

OP posts:
anairofhope · 25/08/2012 11:47

I would bag it with all hisstuff and tell him he had untill bin day to pick it all up.

Think of the future as you cant change the past.

Also i would be more angry with myself than him. Love and protect yourself first and be careful who you chose to let share your happiness and life with.

He owes you nothing and you owe him nothing. Give him his shit back and move on.

Good luck

floranora · 25/08/2012 12:22

go for it OP. you will feel bundles better. dirty cheated git!

missymoomoomee · 25/08/2012 12:40

If you do it, he will undoubtedly tell people to justify why you and he split - 'look at what I have to put up with usefullife destroying my property, poor me', I know its hard but be the bigger person, bag up all his crap, thank the Lord that you don't have to waste anymore of your life on such a knobend and move on. Good luck.

WineGoggles · 25/08/2012 13:19

The best form of revenge is to keep your chin up and not let him see he has got under your skin. Although I can empathise with you, and it would be so tempting to destroy his stuff, it's just wrong; make sure he gets back what is his in the condition he left it, and that includes the disc.

Original poster
uselfullife · 25/08/2012 15:59

I've put it back where I found it
Off to my mums now
Sick of this moping round

OP posts:
SoleSource · 25/08/2012 16:20

Pulp? at Fallen

Give it back. What goes aound comes around.

FallenCaryatid · 25/08/2012 17:27

The Police.

SoleSource · 25/08/2012 17:30

Oh yes of course. I can't stand losing you.. Love them.

JustFabulous · 25/08/2012 17:42

Don't throw it out. It doesn't belong to you. Don't be the bitter ex. You made a choice to take him back and then marry him so it should have been a case of a line being drawn.

rainonmyparade · 25/08/2012 17:54

He went on a "lovely holiday" with her when he was with you?

Bin Bin Bin.

He sounds a prick.

Yama · 25/08/2012 18:03

A momento of when he cheated on you? Throw it out and forget it ever existed.

Empusa · 25/08/2012 18:29

"As far as I'm concerned, you have a 'right' to destroy the picture proof of his cheating on you."

How does anyone ever have a "right" to destroy another person's property??

fedupofnamechanging · 25/08/2012 18:39

Empusa, I take the view that if a someone cheats, it is not unreasonable for the betrayed wife/husband to destroy photos of the spouse with the affair partner. So, to answer your question, under those circumstances.

She's not talking about dumping wet cement on his Ferrari (which would also be okay with me Wink ) - it's only a disk of pictures, of him having a wonderful time, while betraying her

solidgoldbrass · 25/08/2012 18:42

Anyone who takes revenge on a 'cheating' partner by destroying his/her property simply demonstrates to the rest of the world exactly why s/he deserved to get dumped: s/he is a selfish, spiteful bully who was probably hell to live with.

fedupofnamechanging · 25/08/2012 18:50

Or maybe they are just really hurt and upset and the pictures of their spouse smiling happily, while on holiday with OW are like a smack in the face.

WigGold · 25/08/2012 19:01

So the OP deserved to get cheated on and dumped and must have been hell to live with because she had a normal basic human compulsion (which she hasnt carried through) to punish someone who hurt her? Yeah right, what the fuck are you on about?

MigratingCoconuts · 25/08/2012 19:06

SGB is 'on about' the basic idea that two wrongs do not make a right.... ever.

solidgoldbrass · 25/08/2012 19:10

Being hurt and upset doesn't give you the right to destroy property or physically attack people. Adults don't have the right to punish other adults in any way other than the withdrawal of their goodwill.

Some people think that it's OK to kill a partner who has sex with someone else, do you really want to be on that continuum, Karma? Being dumped or cheated on hurts, but it doesn't justify abuse of the other person.

WigGold · 25/08/2012 19:11

Op has already said she has returned the item unharmed, - but it's not unnatural to want to hurt someone who's hurt you, - yes, agreed two wrong and all that but it doesn't make her a nasty person deserving of hurt and leaving just because revenge has crossed her mind.

JustFabulous · 25/08/2012 19:15

"So the OP deserved to get cheated on and dumped and must have been hell to live with because she had a normal basic human compulsion (which she hasnt carried through) to punish someone who hurt her? Yeah right, what the fuck are you on about."

That is rather back to front.

WigGold · 25/08/2012 19:16

She was pondering getting rid of a few holiday snaps, not physically attacking or killing anyone.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 25/08/2012 19:20

It will be over quicker if you don't damage his property, as he may get cross and it could start some sort of revenge cycle or even legal action.

The best revenge is to move on and be happy without him. x

Yama · 25/08/2012 19:21

Let's take three acts and rate them morally shall we?

  1. Having an affair and keeping the happy photos in the marital home.
  1. Throwing out said photographs.
  1. Murder.

Same continuum my arse.

I would take a Kantian stance and do none of the above but let's not pretend that throwing out some photos causes the same kind of hurt and distress as the actual affair.

HissyByName · 25/08/2012 19:25

I agree, give it back, rise above.

Next time someone cheats on you, dump em straight away... don't marry them. History has a habit of repeating itself.

Moominsarescary · 25/08/2012 19:27

Just give it back with the rest of his things. I can understand why your angry but agree with SGB