OH has morning fag before tending to our DD

[xbexidabestx]

So, we take in turns every other day (ish) but when he gets up in the morning, he has his fag FIRST, and then gets DD up change and breakfast etc. He does it, but ALWAYS has to have his morning ciggy before absoultly anything. When he wakes up the first thing he does is practically sleepwalk to his fags. This means that when DD is shouting for us in the morning, I have to listen to it for 10 mins, and I cant just leave her, so end up getting up and doing it myself.

Is he entitled to his 10 mins in the morning, as hes not doing my dd any harm by making her wait 10 mins, but its so ANNOYING!! AIBU??

We also went out for lunch today and hes a fast eater, when he finished he went for a fag whilst i was halfway through eating and left me on my tod!!!

Is this rude? i think so.... I smoke, but dont need to like he does...

I think it is a sign that he is very heavily addicted to nicotine rather than him choosing to be rude.

He could get up ten minutes earlier?

yes its rude and putting his own needs above the care needs of a child unless child is old enough to not be yelling first thing in the morning

I'm assuming he smokes in the house then? So could do them
Both at once. It's unfair to wake you up and leave her shouting.

I wouldn't want my oh attending to my child after just smoking a fag but that's beside the point.
he is being unreasonable if you do it that way so you can have an extra half an hour relax, listening to your little one cry is hardly relaxing.

My dh does this too. Its pretty annoying.

HIBU

He should be getting your DD up and seeing to her first. It's not fair to you or her

My OH used to disappear a couple of times during a meal out, drove me potty. I told him it was bloody rude and he stopped. If your OH really can't wait the length of a meal to smoke then he is seriously addicted and needs to think about cutting back/stopping.

BTW I smoke as well, but DS comes first and I don't leave meals to go have a fag

It would really annoy me too actually I'm a non smoker so would even be with a smoker also beside the point.

I grew up with a chain smoking mum and dad probably why I hate it so much, everything was done after a fag, I would be v annoyed about the dinner thing as well. Don't know how he can "enjoy" a fag knowing a baby is crying or does he know you'll just get up and see to her?

So your poor dd gets a whiff of fag smoke firsy thing in the morning with her breakfast? Nice.

Dh takes about 10 minutes to get out of his bed when it is his turn so i feel your pain. Could you tell him it's not very pleasant for your dd?

he is seriously addicted to nicotine - he's not 'enjoying' a fag, he's a drug addict feeding his addiction

why don't you buy some nicorette gum or sweets for him to try first thing, then sees to DD and has a cigarette later? it's probably his only hope - he will NOT be able to deal with an infant without nicotine if he's that addicted.

My ex was the same and he had to have a cup of tea as well. He was selfish in many other ways as well though hence the fact he is now my ex. I smoke but my daughter is up, sorted, breakfast and dressed before I have a cigarette. Her needs come before ny addiction.

He could wait if he chose - good grief, at one time I smoked 120 a day, but never at the expense of my child needing something. How can he bear to listen to his child calling for him, and ignore her so he can have a smoke? The first one of the day is the easiest one to put off too, he could wait, he is just choosing not to and is a selfish twat.

Pom - did you really mean 120?

Or was it a typo and you meant 20?

OP - he is selfish to have his ciggy first. Tell him that.

PomBearWithAnOFRS 120 a day! Bloody hell :)

He is being unreasonable.

If he wants to smoke first he gets up 40 minutes earlier than DD - 10 mins to smoke and 30 for the smoke to dissipate.

I dont really see what the big deal is to be honest.

so yes i think you are being a little bit unreasonable.

He must be smoking in around the dd anyway so doesn't need to wait. Does she not wake at different times each day too so how would he be able to time when to set his alarm earlier.

So you don't actually take it in turns then OP, you get up every morning. You may return to bed every other morning, but it is not fair.

YANBU

Poor child.

Krumbum- are you advocating he smokes WHILE tending to the child? So she gets to inhale smoke whilst getting changed and having her breakfast?

He needs to get up earlier or wait a little while in the mornings. If he won't, then yes, he is being selfish.

I don't think it's rude for him to leave the table to smoke when you are out, but he should wait until you have finished eating. To leave the table for any reason when others are still eating is rude, but I think it would be unreasonable of you to think that he shouldn't leave the table at all, especially if you knew he was a smoker when you got together.

He's being incredibly selfish.

I won't start on about the dangers of smoking around small children, because I'm sure you're aware. But its certainly not fair on your DD, and is teaching her from an early age that daddy will always put his smoking over her. Nice lesson, eh?

Sorry but, you new he had a nicotine addiction before you bred with him. Like any substance dependency, it comes first.

Well, having just watched a Dr. Phil show where a toddler/child was locked up in a cupboard from the age of 2 until 8, smoking in the morning seems the lesser evil.....

I bet all these people berating all drive cars too.....

I always had a fag in the morning,when ds was little.
Sometimes before he woke, sometimes after.
I wouldn't have if he'd been in any distress, but he was perfectly capable of waiting 5 minutes.
TBH I needed that time just to enjoy my addiction fag before I had to be a mum,
It was my calm time.

I didn't reverse my car into my babies' rooms so they could breathe in the fumes as I got them out of their cots.

Didn't leave them crying in their cots waiting for their milk / breakfast while I went for a 10 minute drive either.