To think this is unreasonable

[DozyDuck]

But to wonder what the etiquette is?

I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable so a gentle flaming is expected.

My DS has ASD, he's got this 'thing' about putting things over fences when outside. When he does I bring him straight in and say no, put him on time out and don't let him back outside. But nothing seems to be working.

Neighbours (last ones that were here and ones on the other side) just throw the toys back over when they see them. I don't want to go knocking and asking for them back and disturbing them, and I don't want to be going into their gardens to get them back myself.

I have started not letting DS take toys out with him but very occasionally he has stashed one somewhere on his person.

New neighbours the other side have decided to just put DSs toys in the bin. They know about DS, have handed a you back before and I thanked them and explained and they said its not a problem.

I'm not sure what to do as I don't want his toys in the bin , and it doesn't seem fair as the other kids on the street play football on the street and kick the ball in and just climb over and get it. They kick the ball over a lot more often than DS puts his toy over.

He has severe autism, neuro regression, GDD as well as physical problems and he just doesn't understand. I'm not sure of its totally reasonable for him to put the toys in the bin? In which case I'll sit and cry inside on my own? Or of there's anything I can do at all?

What about nailing one of those criss-cross thingies to top of fence so its too high for him to throw things over?

It seems very unkind,perhaps you need to reexplain that your child has severe autism and cannot help his behaviour. Maybe they just dont understand about the condition.

I would go as far as to say it's theft, actually.

So you need to tell them that whilst you understand it's annoying, you'd be grateful if they'd chuck it back over.

If that doesn't work, you'll have to be a bit more formal.

It's not my fence it's his and most of it is broken down

I'm sorry I don't have any practical suggestions for you. But it seems mean of your neighbours to put the toys in the BIN! Could they not just lob them back over the fence?

I have explained his autism. Over and over. I know it's annoying but my last neighbours were so lovely about it and just chucked it back over when they could. Maybe I should talk to him. He has blocked me on fb now (he used to go to my school)

He does have 2 young children himself although I've never seen them

have you spoken to the neighbours about this since seeing his toys in the bin?

Did your ds break the gnome a few weeks back?

Hmmmm ok what about giving them a plastic box to chuck them in then rather than the bin and you collect it and empty it every now and then? and I do think they are being U.

How could I approach it without it sounding like I'm having a go? I don't want to make an even bigger issue between us. If I could stop the behaviour I really really would. He must hear me trying to stop it, it isn't like i sit there laughing and indulging him

Either raise the fence height on that neighbour's side, or go round with a box for them to put toys in, and pop round for it every week by arrangement. Surely putting toys in a pre arranged box is as much effort as binning them.
Could you attach a box to the fence for them to put toys in.
Perhaps write them a note explaining your DS's condition, and the steps you are taking to mitigate the behaviour.
How do you know they are binning the toys? Have they told you?

supply them with a bin to put them in and then collect it???

He did blackberry. I offered to pay and he said no. Do you think it's because of that?

I've seen him, or more DS did, he was sitting looking out of the window flapping and he shouted 'noooooooo' so I looked and I saw him doing it.

I think that I would offer to pay for a high fence to be erected as they sound complete idiots who are going to stress you out daily.
The money will be worth paying to get rid of the tension.

It's a council house they live in though... Do you think they will let this happen in the front garden? It's not the back, the fence is high enough there.

I could offer a box to put it in. Seems more of an effort to put it in a box than to just lob it back over?

could you just let him play in back garden if fence is high enough there?

Do you both live in council houses?

How far do you want to take this?

Can you not speak to them about it?

He did it in front of your son?

Utter bastard.

Why do you doubt yourself? Why aren't you furious? Are you just too worn down? It must be very gruelling (though I'm sure he's wonderful too) caring for your son.

He is beyond unreasonable. You need to get angry, come on strong. He must not taunt your child, your disabled child - how can he even begin to think he may?

Write to the council and explain that you have a disabled child and maybe they could help to mediate and to change the fence.
Or perhaps your son could just play in the back garden as it sounds safer ?

X post with you asking how you can put this.

How did they react when you told them of your son's condition, the first time?

No my house is private rented. His is council, it's his fence. He does play in the back garden but this happens when we go out front to ride the bike into the woods or go for a walk into the woods.

The point with a box is just that you will have provided a solution, so neighbour would then have to choose whether to take up your offer (the polite choice) or refuse (which would be rude).

YANBU, your neighbour is! And if it's because your autistic child broke a flipping gnome then this neighbour is incredibly unreasonable!
The children next door to me often throw toys/balls over by accident and neither of them have a condition which effects their reasoning or understanding but I still pop the toys back over the fence when I see them because it's what nice neighbours do. How would he feel if his children kicked a ball over your fence one day and you just threw it in the bin?!