To be fed up my sister has shown no interest in being an aunty

[1500mmania]

Hi folks I could do with some mumsnet perspective on this one as it is niggling away at me.

My ds is 11 months now. My sister is not interested in kids, doesn't want them & says herself that she is too selfish to have them etc. I know this but I am still pretty upset that she has shown no real interest in DS.

We live in London and no family close by, my sister lives the closest in Surrey and comes into London approx every fortnight for work but she has never made an attempt to see him/ come across to visit ( we live 4 tube stops from her work). She offered to babysit once but cancelled the next day as she had double booked.

The only time she sees him is when GPs are visiting and then she shows no interest really, holds him for a while and then just chats to GPs and ignores him.

She is my only sister and older than me. I know she's not massively child friendly and a bit self involved but I just thought she would be a tad more interested - is that me just being a mum and wanting people to share in my lovely DS. I know she is busy with a hectic job but she finds time for other people. Maybe she will
be better as he grows up? I can't see it though.

It's really eating away at me now and making me not like my sister very much. Has anyone else experienced similar? Should I say something to her? Or am I ridiculous to think that she was going to change for DS and become a lovely aunty (when I was pregnant there were all these promises of what a wonderful aunty she was going to be!)

Sorry for the long rant!

YABU, I’m afraid OP. You’re being very unfair to her. Enjoy your DS, your enjoyment shouldn’t be diminished just because she can’t or won’t be the aunt you want her to be. She may have her reasons, we never know people as well as we think we do.

Oops Zombie! No zombie earning?!

@preferdogs - Thanks for writing this, have just described my life. Can't have children nor want them but am constantly made feel guilty and that i should have oodles of time because i have no children. I miss my catch up with my friends, they always seem to be rushing to collect kids etc.Chats constantly interrupted. I do understand the their lifes revolve around their kids and that should be however they get offended when i can't drop at a mommets notice beacuse they are all of a sudden free. Everyone is free to make their own choice and should not be made feel guilty because of it nor to have certian expectations because of it

Your kids are your kids. It's not reasonable to expect your family to take an interest in them when they didn't have any say in whether you had them or not.

I always think this when people moan about grandparents not taking enough interest. Yes, if you have kids you have to assume they might have kids of their own. But really - is that what people have in mind when they're having a night of passion sometime in their 20s to 40s which leads to a baby? I don't think you should have an obligation to anyone other than the baby you made yourself.

Oh FFS that's the second zombie thread I've posted on today!

@Breefugee Now that the child is 7 the Aunt/Sister is brilliant? I assume because she would want to be in her Nieces/Nephew’s life now they’re a bit older but If she’s still not present she turned her into vodka Aunt? Nah, I doubt she turned into vodka Aunt, maybe she might not want to spend her free time with a 7 year old either. What a sad view to have on child free women that the alternative to devoting her time to her Sister’s kids is that she’s out drinking all the time. Maybe OP turned into vodka Mum because she couldn’t understand that being an Aunt is not a service that her sister has to provide to her & her offspring & that her sister is free to live the life she wants without being made to feel selfish & guilty.

This is responding to an old post, but in the chance that someone else looking online it in hope of answers (the way I came across it via search just now) is why.
I obviously can't speak for the above commenter; but, I'm childless & can maybe shed light?
First, it is not always because someone is "selfish" that they aren't ecstatic about being around children on a regular basis.
Women can have a lot of complex emotions & reasons for how they respond.
And it's further complicated by the opinion in our society that one is a "bad person" or "selfish" if they don't explode with interest in being around toddlers.
So it's one of those things she probably doesn't even try to discuss bc there's already so many preconceptions.
The fact that she doesn't have kids, but interacts with a child on a regular basis where she lives; might just be because she has the possibility of developing a REAL TIME, consistent relationship with the child due to proximity.
I have a sister whom I share the same father with, but have different mothers, so we didn't have a close relationship growing up, I tried, but that too was complicated at the time.
There were unbalanced home lives for both us and we lived at either ends of the east coast.
We would see each other during summer on occasion.
Years back I tried to get close to her, but at that time she didn't have interest & we grew apart.
In 2011 the dad passed & we've been trying to keep in touch via texting.
We have little in common, but she's a nice person whom I care about.
She has grown kids whom I tried to send cards to and never heard replies.
I can't blame them either; they live at a distance and probably feel like I'm basically a stranger.
Well, now my sister has new grand babies.
I cannot even express (especially considering her awful childhood) how genuinely happy I am that she has this familial closeness & joy with these new children.
They are just adorable for sure, she sends me photos, sometimes lot's of them... weekly.
I know it is bothering her that I'm not jumping up & down with the same interest she has, but we've never had that kind of relationship with anyone in our family & also live very far apart.
It doesn't come naturally & there's been so much deep disappointment w/ trying to be close with our families as children & THEY weren't interested, that now it just feels alien to behave like that.
Her grandkids are really beautiful little boys, very adorable in videos and my TRULY sincere joy that she is LOVING being a new grandmother is real, but I can also tell that she is perplexed by my not going crazy every time I'm sent photos.
I always respond that they are cute, beautiful, funny, etc... but I'm never going to realistically live close enough to them to develop a deep relationship w/ them, and I'm not in the financial position to lavish them with gifts from afar and cards they frankly wouldn't care about.
To be honest I'm weary of trying to get close to family members at this point after it's been the disappointment of my life.
Her grown kids don't have an interest in getting to know me & I'm okay with that, but how come they aren't made to feel like something is wrong with them bc they don't suddenly show interest in an aunt they didn't know growing up?
I'm sure they would & I KNOW I would, if we lived closer, but we don't.
Now I'm rambling, but just know that it isn't alway because someone is "selfish" that they don't go wild with interest in children.
They may love them, but not have that deep maternal drive because of how children were disliked by their own parents.

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