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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh should come home and see his son

57 replies

uselfullife · 23/08/2012 18:32

Before he goes away again for the 3rd weekend in a row?
In the last 2 weeks, he's seen him for about 2 hours

He's away again tomorrow, but has just text to say he's going out for drinks
So won't see him tonight
So will see him Tues

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 23/08/2012 18:36

Friends or work?

lurkedtoolong · 23/08/2012 18:36

Is he going away for work? Why does he have to go away every weekend?

Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 18:38

This weekend it's friends
Last 2 weekends he was visiting his mum who is poorly, lives away

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 23/08/2012 18:39

Could you not go with him to his mum's house?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2012 18:39

I was wondering the same. Then I thought... if I was away for work all the time I would still rather see DD and DH than go out for a drink. I know he needs a break but 2 hours in 2 weeks would kill me. And, what about you? Breaks, drinks, dinner out, date night, gym, friends? Any of those happening to you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2012 18:39

x-posted

lurkedtoolong · 23/08/2012 18:40

How old is your son? But YANBU, perhaps a word to point out that while you appreciate how caring he is to his mother, his son is family too and deserves some attention.

Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 18:41

His mum is in a different country, too far and too expensive

OP posts:
Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 18:42

DS nearly 5

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 23/08/2012 18:43

I suppose he's not really visiting his.mum for fun though he.could have.popped home.

pjmama · 23/08/2012 18:43

How old is your DS? The reason I ask is that DH openly admits now that when our twins were babies, he would think of every excuse he could to be out of the house as much as possible because he just found being thrown in at the deep end with two babies massively overwhelming and difficult to cope with. Could there be something like this going on with your DH? The good news is our DTs are nearly 6 and he's a great dad, we just both struggled with the adjustment and his solution was hiding for a while!

HecateHarshPants · 23/08/2012 20:08

I wouldn't have a problem at all with him spending the last two weekends with his mum.

But. Having done that - quite reasonably - is it not reasonable to think he would choose to come home to see his wife and child, rather than go spend the weekend with mates?

If I had seen my child for only 2 hours in 2 weeks - it wouldn't even cross my mind to go to my mates instead. I'd be desperate to see my child.

I think you need to talk to him, tell him how it comes across and that it makes you feel he doesn't want to be with you.

cozietoesie · 23/08/2012 20:11

I hesitate to ask but - did you contact him at his Mum's?

cozietoesie · 23/08/2012 20:12

By landline that is.

BarbarianMum · 23/08/2012 20:16

YANBU

Going to see his sick mother - yes, lots of brownie points.

But then going to see mates, instead of spending time at home - no way (unless it was some once in a decade get together in which case ok).

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 23/08/2012 20:17

I think its quite bad you resent him seeing his mother.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 23/08/2012 20:19

Posted too early

I think its quite bad you resent him seeing his mother. You're drip feeding, not said what is wrong with his mother. Maybe he needs the adult company of his friends to offload his worries.

Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 20:21

I don't resent him seeing his mother at all
I didn't say that

I know he was there, she's ill, I spoke to her too

OP posts:
EightiesChick · 23/08/2012 20:25

YANBU. If he's away again this weekend he should come home and see his son tonight. If drinks out are such a necessity he could always go back out - though that's pretty rubbish for you, as it is all round.

Jumping There's a difference between resenting him seeing his mother and thinking he ought to make time to see his son. He's not only been out to see his mother.

Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 20:38

It's worse actually
I reckon he's spent the sum total of 4 hours with his son since 1st August

He's out with a colleague, who he sees everyday and a female friend who he knows I dislike, who he always has to see when they're in the same town

It pisses me off because he moans so much about not seeing enough of him

OP posts:
Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 20:39

Bollocks to him

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 23/08/2012 20:39

I hope you remind him of the choice he made this weekend, if he dares to moan again!

Hassled · 23/08/2012 20:41

Have you sat him down and spelled out exactly how you feel? And that your DS will be a child for such a short, short time? It goes in a flash. And how this will affect his whole relationship with his son? If not - do it. If you have had that chat, and he still doesn't give a flying fuck - well then, I think you have some thinking to do.

Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 21:00

And I've been to the GP today and come out with counselling referral and ads, and he knows what a big deal that is for me

Hassled, he doesn't see a lot of DS during the week, that can't be helped usually because it's work.
And I'm not even resenting this weekend away, but I am resenting him
going out for drinks with people he sees all the time

OP posts:
Original poster
uselfullife · 23/08/2012 21:02

He knows what a big deal it is not seeing his son

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