To think dh should come home and see his son

[uselfullife]

Before he goes away again for the 3rd weekend in a row?
In the last 2 weeks, he's seen him for about 2 hours

He's away again tomorrow, but has just text to say he's going out for drinks
So won't see him tonight
So will see him Tues

It sounds like it does need to "get ugly" as you put it.

Your son is going to end up so confused with this situation. You are getting unhappier and unhappier, which your child will be picking up on, even if he won't say it.

He is trying to have his cake and eat it. No way should that be allowed to happen.

Would you prefer to have a quiet household where you can meet your needs and those of your child, or one where you are constantly on edge wondering when he'll be back, will he be back, and being the general dogsbody of somebody who is essentially a selfish arsewipe?

I was going to sit down with him this week and discuss a way forward, him to make an effort to come home early and see ds regularly. Had sorted spreadsheet for finances and was going to budget him, get him to cut down on going out

Bit too late now

When Ex-H and I separated he went through a stage of this. Even after we had decided to divorce, he wanted to SHARE A BED. I decided, for my MH that although he had to be in the house, we would behave like completely separate people. Hard but possible.

You need to draw a line under it. Schedule with DS and him but you and him, no contact with you that is not needed. Even if you think there is a chance of reconciliation he needs to miss you. At the moment, he is getting every perk of marriage with no commitment.

Yes, mrsTP, need to get some rules

He's gone now
Graced us with his presence for 15 minutes
He keeps saying sorry
But I just said that's not good enough anymore

So will have nice weekend with DS, then attack this when he gets back

My 20 month old knows how to say sorry. He needs to be sorry.

I'm sorry to sound all cliched and ridiculous but you need to get your power back. He has called the shots. Now it is your turn. You can't change his behaviour so change yours. Sort the finances, sort the contact and plan what you are going to do with your new and exciting freedom.

FWIW I think you are doing really well.

Thank you
We were drifting in some no mans land
And he wasn't quite as humble and apologetic as when I read the riot act a couple of months ago
I don't expect him to change, but it's confirmation that I'm doing the right thing

You read him the riot act, he kept pushing boundaries. He doesn't NEED to be as apologetic this time. Set your boundaries and live your life. Good luck. There are random strangers on the internet rooting for you