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Original poster

To keep my DH's name on divorce

66 replies

SaraBellumHertz · 23/08/2012 17:32

Ok this is hypothetical but still .....

It was the cause of much debate in the office today so interested on thoughts.

I have a 'professional' career. When I married I kept my maiden name for work, I took my DH's name for practical reasons for 'homelife' which became important reasons when we had DC as I wanted to share their name.

Subsequently I moved overseas and due to various issues with my passport and visa it was easier to work under my married name. I now consider DH's name to by my own.

The comment was made in relation to someone who had reverted to their maiden name that it would be weird to keep a DH's name if you separate and in fact it shows the world you are still emotionally attached Hmm

OP posts:
FuckityFuckFuck · 23/08/2012 17:36

My sister kept her married name after her divorce

She is also keeping her old married name when she gets married again next year

JeezyPeeps · 23/08/2012 17:36

YANBU.

I know people that have kept thei ex-h's name - usually because they share the name with their children, but two people because they hate either their maiden name, or the person that name came from (abusive father).

KD0706 · 23/08/2012 17:37

I think it's really common to keep husbands name after divorce. Particularly if you have children who have husbands name too.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if somebody kept their ex's name after divorce.

Nymia · 23/08/2012 17:39

My friend kept her XH's name when they split, the same name as her DC.

She subsequently married again and when that relationship fell apart due to his cheating she went back to XH1's name, but not her maiden name.

NervousAt20 · 23/08/2012 17:39

I think it's quite common to keep the surname if you want to, my mum did and no one said anything about it

ByTheWay1 · 23/08/2012 17:41

it's common - my Mum still has my Dad's name - he left 35 years ago (and is now dead) she wanted the same name as her children...

zukiecat · 23/08/2012 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousMama · 23/08/2012 17:43

I kept exdh's and I live with dp. We book into places as Mrs R and Mr P. Although we do plan to marry so we'll both be Ps then. I've never had anyone mention it? How strange for anyone to think it means you're attached. If they say that again say of course we're attached by the bond we share with our dcs.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2012 17:43

I kept mine for ages. I still use it for some things. It's a PITA to change and it was nicer than my maiden name.

CuriousMama · 23/08/2012 17:44

Sorry to hear about your XH sukiecat Sad Glad you're out of it though.

cardibach · 23/08/2012 17:45

My sister and I have both kept our exH name after divorce (we each have our own personal exH, you understand, not the same one!). It was to retain the same name as our children, to avoid having to change all the paperwork on everything under the sun and for ease of recognition at work/locally. Not unusual at all.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 23/08/2012 17:47

I kept my ex's name........that way I had the same surname as my son.

Sidge · 23/08/2012 17:47

I'm divorcing my husband but plan to keep his name as our children have the same surname and I want the same name as them.

We were married a long time, my surname has become my name now as well as his. It would feel odd to go back to my maiden name as I haven't had that name since 1997 and my children have never had that name.

Kendodd · 23/08/2012 17:48

I have just posted about this on another thread.

My cousin has had four different last names, she is now back using her own original name. Her two children have both had three different last names (under 18) I don't know what they use now. Watching her was a real lesson for me- never change your name!

So if I had changed my name (I didn't when I married) I would make a point of never changing it again and keep XH name forever.

Viperidae · 23/08/2012 17:52

I think after you've used it for a while it becomes your name. If you want to change for a fresh start that's fine but why should you have to have all that hassle? Especially if you have a professional reputation to consider etc.

I have had my married name for longer than my maiden name so consider it mine.

BikeRunSki · 23/08/2012 17:56

It seems quite normal to keep your married name on divorce, especially when it has become established as your professional name or DC's name.

When Tina and Ike Turner divorced, she told the court "All I want is his name".

A friend of mine kept her married name because she hates her maiden name. They were only married 18 months, no dc, but she appreciated the chance to have a very common surname.

mercibucket · 23/08/2012 18:12

I'd always assumed it meant the ex hadn't fully accepted the break, but reading this it sounds more of a practical choice. Glad I never changed my name, anyway, more so thinking about all this stuff.

BadIdeaBear · 23/08/2012 18:14

I've just got divorced (decree absolute - 14 August) so this is a very pertinent thread for me. I've decided to keep my xDH's name, as I had a huge career change at the time of our wedding and my maiden name just doesn't feel like it's 'me' anymore and no-one remembers me by it professional and (in the main) personally, even though I was only married 5 years.

However, it does feel a little odd. I still see me xDH frequently and we're often on lists and email lists etc and therefore we sort of appear together and that bothers me. So it's things like that that are still making me wonder if I should go back.

On the other hand, it's very likely that I'll be remarrying relatively soon (like within the next 18 months/ 2 years... ) so maybe I just go with a change to that surname at that point and hope to God it doesn't happen again!!

It's not straightforward. I don't have kids to think about but if I had, I think I wouldn't be wavering as much.

akaemmafrost · 23/08/2012 18:15

I'm keeping mine. I want the same name as my kids, it really is that simple.

mrsscoob · 23/08/2012 18:16

I think it's fine to keep the name, it isn't "his" name anyway once you married it became yours too so it is entirely up to you whether you keep it or not. A lot of people do.

NoComet · 23/08/2012 18:17

My favourite lecturer used her ex DHs name even though she had re married, other female staff kept their maiden names.

The whole science citations index relies on following people's published research by surname. You get stuck with whatever you put on your first paper.

akaemmafrost · 23/08/2012 18:17

Oh and I was married before, no kids and went straight back to my maiden name. I actually had to go to court to do it as I was in the forces and they needed official and legal notification before they could change all my details. It really is purely about having the same name as my kids this time.

HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 23/08/2012 18:17

I would keep mine, I consider it my name now, also I'd want the same name as my dc!

BadIdeaBear · 23/08/2012 18:48

StarBallBunny
yes, that's another reason I have to stay put! I've also got papers out with married name so when/ if I remarry, I may need to do a personal/ professional mix of my two married names! Argh!

it's apparently all about appropriating the name, according to my counsellor last year, so all these people who've got to thinking it feels theirs have got it right!

brightermornings · 23/08/2012 18:53

I've kept ex-h name because of dc's. I would like to go back to my maiden name but will wait a bit.