To honestly ask how you cope with angry and aggressive drivers? Warning: slight rant

[janelikesjam]

I like driving. I am a good driver I think and considerate to other drivers. However, all the meany, angry, reckless, speeding drivers are spoiling my day regularly .... they're nearly all men , is it about that I wonder ...

Example tonight. I am driving along the road, doing the actual speed limit. I can't go any faster because the car in front is also doing the actual speed limit too (outrage). And anyway that suits the driving conditions, its dark, its quite busy. p.s. a pedantic point, one of the reasons we have "instructions" about speed limits every minute on the road now is that no-one can be trusted to use their common sense e.g. windy roads, busy built-up areas; anyway I digress.

I feel this impatient jerk (6th sense) behind me in some kind of black sports car number, driving too close to me, but try to ignore. Then all of a sudden he speeds up to me, overtakes on the left, and tries to tear ahead only to be prevented by traffic lights . Idiot. But can anyone tell me what his actual problem is, assuming he is not mentally ill or driving to a hospital emergency? Does such a person think by virtue of being in such a sports car or BMW or mercedes or whatever that speed limits do not apply to him and all the little people should just plain get out of his way.

Anyway, rant over, I suppose....

But honestly, I ask you, how do you deal with this? I have singularly failed to find a zen-like calm on this issue, and I need help.

A few years ago when we still had a titchy Ford Ka, DH was driving down a dual carriageway and we were being tailgated by one of those massive 4x4 truck things (a Nissan Navara if I remember correctly). I turned round in my seat and gave the driver a big friendly smile and a wave. Driver clearly thought "oh crap, do I know these people?" and backed right off. When traffic had cleared, we moved over, big truck went by very sensibly, still a bit confused probably :) Definitely better for the blood pressure than getting angry!

The thing is too, a lot of the people who drive like loons are also the people who moan their insurance premiums are high, do they realise if noone drove like that there would be less accidents and insurance would in turn be cheaper.

In theory of course.

Laughing at some replies, crying at the treatment some of you have received :(

Driving my VW camper on a 40 mph road that had just been resurfaced, a car over took me, just 400 m short of the end of the road works. His actions could have sent a flying stone to shatter my windscreen, it was 40 for a good reason.

A few miles later I over took him on a round about, simply by taking the faster lane, nothing wrong or preplanned.

As soon as we left the town he over took again including the car I front if me who was the slow driver, forcing an on coming car to slow. Within ten minutes I had caught up with him again.

The plonker. I think he assumed camper = slow, it's got a large engine and can accelerate fast, I just take corners more carefully than I would in my car.

Depending on the circumstances, i stop, get out of the car, get the offending tailgater to open his window and ask, as politely and sarcastically as I can, what his problem is, and drive slowly on. This makes me feel superior and in control.

Or, I barp back even louder with an exaggerated two-fingered gesture.

Fedup, I can't think of a single instance that I've been tailgated and could have stopped in such an way that the other driver had to stop too. At least, not safely.

But I would hesitate to engage face to face with someone like that anyway. Someone who is aggressive behind the wheel mght well be aaggressive in person too.

I'm with Mega and Emma - don't engage, get out of their way if possible and let them annoy someone else.

EasilyBored, I have sympathy for you putting up with screaming child and nothing excuses other ignorant drivers but driving at less than 60 on an otherwise quiet motorway is dangerous, rain notwithstanding. Fair enough if weather conditions and volume of traffic were bad enough to bring down the average driving speed but it is possible, on a quiet road, to drive safely at or near 70 in the rain and if you were the only car not maintaining a speed at or near the speed limit then you were yourself creating a hazard.

sarge your story sounds very similar to my husband's behaviour in our KA - several times he's behaved very dangerously and aggressively with other drivers (usually other men being just as aggressive) by swerving, swearing and gesticulating. With DC and me in the car . It's so unnecessary.

If its a lorry I will phone the company ( my mate did this for me while a lorry was tailgating me- he backed off when his boss phoned him to tell him the Rover 75 in front was NOT HAPPY)
I will also slow down, flick my lights on and off which gives the impression my brake lights have come on. I'll also put up the privacy screen (which REALLY irritates them) and if they beep at me I do the whole Titanic leaving Belfast 30 second blast and as I have a loud deep horn blast it's pretty effective.
I don't drive aggressively but I do drive defensively.

IIRC (and it's been many years since I opened my Highway Code passed my teat ( 28 years )
Hazard Lights aren't to be used while the car is in motion.

BUT if someone is driving up by backside then that is a hazard is it not. And therefore you warn other drivers (other drivers being the pratt that trying to climb into your boot)

passed my teat ?
FFS test

TEST

Teat? I just spat my tea out reading that!!

Although the beloved iPhone once sent a txt to DH with the immortal lines
"
I'll be ok I just need anal"

A NAP
I just need A NAP

Mortified is not the word
Sorry for going off topic.

10 years after the fact, I can now admit that I have done the 'slammed brakes on with tailgater behind' thing. The twat crashed into the back of me (I had an old Yaris). Turned out it was an ex boyfriend of a friend. I was a bit shook up and he was very apologetic. Lets hope that learned 'im.
I get really angry when I'm driving but I'm hoping that the arrival of LO soon will calm me down. I seem to attract idiot drivers and often have road rage before I'm even a mile up the road. Its not good for my blood pressure.

Back again with hopefully clarity re: hazard lights. Here's the quote from the highway code.

96: Hazard warning lights. These may be used when your vehicle is stationary, to warn that it is temporarily obstructing traffic. Never use them as an excuse for dangerous or illegal parking. You MUST NOT use hazard warning lights whilst driving unless you are on a motorway or unrestricted dual carriageway and you need to warn drivers behind you of a hazard or obstruction ahead. Only use them for long enough to ensure that your warning has been observed.
Law RVLR reg 27

I was told that it was ok to interpret a hazard ahead as another car i.e. If I'm being tailgated and I can't pull in and I can't go faster cos there's another car in front, then it makes sense to use hazard lights. I think it's fair to say that many tailgaters have no idea how close they are and hazard lights seem to wake them up.

I raise my head and eyeball them in the rear view mirror, sometimes chucking in a confused l

I raise my head and eyeball them in the rear view mirror...it's surprising how often they back off, just from a bit of eye contact. If they're close enough to see me look at them, usually the penny drops. We're all human and most people don't turn into total weirdos behind the wheel.

2 years ago I was tailgated in heavy snow, by a massive range rover. No idea why he couldn't have overtaken in the lane next to me, it was early hours of the morning and we were the only cars on the road. Maybe he was following my tracks, but an inch closer and he would have been pushing me along the road.

I try and ignore them, listen to ambient or lounge music to chill out, and consider how stressed they must be whereas I'm pretty relaxed. If someone is right up my arse and is obviously wanting to get past I'll pull over when I can so they can bugger off. What I won't do is slow down or play any other games to wind them up as this only makes me wound up and I'm stooping to their level too IMO. Nope, just flip your rear view mirror so you can't see them, and chill out to your favourite music. When all else fails I just call them a twat (not that they can hear) an dremind myself of a joke...

"what's the difference between a hedgehog and a BMW?"......

"The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside"
[only applies to aggressive male BMW owners of course]

I give them the finger....men never seem to expect it from a wholesome looking Mummy like me with two wee ones sat in the back...I do need to stop it though as DS1 keeps asking me why I'm showing the man in the other car the "number 1"...

It's rudeness that pisses me off. I mean ffs how difficult is it to lift a hand, or even a finger off the steering wheel to acknowledge that someone has stopped for you/let you go etc. Instead they just sail past you like king/queen of the road...as if you SHOULD stop for them because they are far more important than you. Knobs.

This REALLY winds me up. I don't know if you could tell.

Oh dear lord. I went out with a tailgater, please forgive me for I have sinned. He terrified the living daylights out of me. All I have to say is that they are psychopathic and have no capability of empathising, at all. It was a brief encounter. Please forgive me god. Amen.

On another note, don't try to rationalise, just pull over and let 'em past. When I was pregnant someone tried to overtake me turning right. I chased them down the road in my car but slowed down when the car started to lose control. I blame the hormones.

If anyone can cure my road rage (just cursing, I don't tailgate or anything nutty like that) I would love to hear it. I'm such a calm person otherwise!!

P.S. I found smiling works in the car, on a good day I get loads of smiles back instead of grimaces. It helps with dealing with the rubbishy drivers. Just about.

I ignore them but they always make me laugh (I'm quite zen about it all) because here in London they always end up stuck in traffic or at lights ad I almost always catch up with them.

Who makes me laugh the most is not your usual midlife-crisis men in Audis or BMWs but the teenagers in their beat up Ford Fiestas riding nose to tail, revving their engines, overtaking on the left, only for me to pootle up behind them at the next traffic jam or traffic light!

lissy whoever told you that was wrong.

And mrskrithrichards let's hope you don't cause a massive shunt behind you then eh? Tapping your brakes like that is also really dangerous and unnecessary. Just don't engage