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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have pretended to be out

78 replies

Summerblaze · 22/08/2012 18:30

Today, the doorbell rang while I was feeding my 4 month old DS. My DD (8) and niece (7) answered the door. It was someone from NDCS charity. DD shouted me through. At this point my DS1 (4 - but has developmental delay) clocked that someone was at the door and ran through wearing nothing as he had just had a potty accident.

The guy did his usual chat about how amazing a charity they are and how amazing my neighbours were and did I know the neighbours, well they are fantastic. He was talking so fast I couldn't get a word in edgeways. By this time DS1 is now excited and is singing and running around the living room. DS2 is crying as his dinner was interupted. He asked if I had time just to have a look at what they do so I said no thanks, I was getting ready to go out. He then said that at my neighbours house he did it in a couple of mins so he really wouldn't be long. I again said no I couldn't as I had the baby to feed. He then said that he would feed the baby while I looked at his info Shock. I was firm and said no I really couldn't so he asked if he could come back later. I was so flustered at this point that I just said yes.

When he had gone, I shut the blinds and when he came back a couple of hours later, I told the DC to be quiet until he had gone.

WIBU. Is this just his job and didn't deserve being ignored. I was just so annoyed. He didn't let me speak and made me feel like a complete twat for not agreeing to pay them some money per month (like my brilliant neighbours). Not to mention the fact that he could actually see that I had 4 dc's that needed some attention at that time.

FWIW, I actually work for a charity and give lots through the year either through DD's school, work or other avenues. I have done the monthly payout before but tbh I prefer to give more when I want to, to lots of different charities.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 22/08/2012 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

molepom · 22/08/2012 18:34

YANBU - the more they hassle the more chance of them getting the door slammed in their face IMO.

The brilliant neighbours thing is a load of bollocks, that's just guilt tripping you into signing up. They say it to me all the time and I know for a fact my neighbours never sign up to anything at the door.

HappyJustToBe · 22/08/2012 18:35

I don't think you were unreasonable. I appreciate they are doing a difficult job but some do move beyond hard selling to being rude and almost aggressive.

PurplePidjin · 22/08/2012 18:36

Yanbu, he should have had the courtesy to ask before charging on like that!

SoDesperate · 22/08/2012 18:41

Oddly I had the same approach this evening... telling me how helpful and generous my neighbour had not been!!!!!!

I spent five minutes minimum telling them how I was broke and in deep debt :) I am still wondering if they told the next neighbour that I had been very generous or..... otherwise! In honesty I dont care. I wont give to people to knock on my door begging for money.

highlandcoo · 22/08/2012 18:41

YANBU. We used to hide behind the sofa from the fish man. He called every week and wouldn't take no for an answer if you didn't buy fish each time. Argued with you till he was blue in the face. Once he even came round into the back garden and peered through the living room window. The kids loved the hiding, I felt silly but it beat standing on my own doorstep giving endless reasons why I didn't fancy four pieces of lovely cod that week

mellen · 22/08/2012 18:46

YANBU. Unsolicited visits from people after your money are really annoying.

bobbledunk · 22/08/2012 18:51

yanbu but it would be easier for you to practice saying 'no thank you, I'm not interested' (preferably with a bitch face), so as not to get caught out like that next time. These people want to hear excuses because that's an opening for them to talk you around until you sign up just to get rid of them. Avoid any conversation at all costs, it will save having to hide in the futureSmile.

TeaDr1nker · 22/08/2012 18:53

YANBU

Fortunately we have a glass panel so I don't have to open the door, i just shake my head and say no.

Do you have a chain on the door, so you can just say no, go away please i am not interested, so you don't have to let them over your threshold

Olympicnmix · 22/08/2012 18:54

Yes, I had a visit from boyishly charming Edward this week from Something Action, who was full of praise for the warmth and generosity of my neighbours, but dc3 allows no-one to get in the way of milk before bed.

maras2 · 22/08/2012 19:54

YNBU.What a creepy weirdo.BTW,what is NDCS?

maras2 · 22/08/2012 19:56

Sorry just realised it's a deaf children's charity.Still, offering to feed your child is just odd.

Original poster
Summerblaze · 22/08/2012 20:28

He did make me feel really guilty and was especially creeped out when he wanted to feed DS. And when he came back the second time (when we hid), it was fucking tea time - with 4 kids. Do these people have no brains.

Ds1 thought it was hilarious but didn't really get it and was giggling. I ended up with us all laying on the rug trying to keep him quiet.

Glad that I was NBU but I will have to work on saying no.

OP posts:
LittleMoo6 · 22/08/2012 20:55

YANBU. They always use the 'generous neighbours' line and it's rubbish. I know how you feel though as I hate saying no to them.

highlandcoo Reminded me of the fun we used to have hiding from Mormons when they came knocking Grin

Enfyshedd · 22/08/2012 21:02

I'd send NDCS an email telling them how creepy you found the guy offering to feed your baby, especially after he would have copped an eyeful of your DS1 in his birthday suit. Have to admit that my response to reading the offer to feed your DS2 is a complete & utter WTF! Shock

NatashaBee · 22/08/2012 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McKayz · 22/08/2012 21:19

I love the way all my neighbours agree to give money and then when I see them they ask me if I really did sign up as they've been told I have.

PurplePidjin · 22/08/2012 21:29

I'd never think to say it at the time, but Enfyshedd's post has inspired me...

"What, you want to come in and play with my naked child?"

:o

Enfyshedd · 26/08/2012 21:00

Just came back to this thread after looking at the ones I've been on...

Pidjin - ROFL!!!!

NatashaBee - Did you point out that if you used someone else's bank details that it would be fraud and theft? Not exactly the type of image a charity would want to be involved with?

SoleSource · 26/08/2012 21:03

Yabu to have not said no thank you and shut the door in the first place. If he petsists say go aesy. Why feel obligated and where all this guilt come from?

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 26/08/2012 21:09

My house is on three floors, so it can take a minute to get to the door, and cold callers don't wait around long. Once I opened the door just as he was saying hello to my neighbour... I hastily shut my door and my neighbour joked that I owed her 50 p as she gave £1! I gave her a glass fo wine and we had a laugh.

I know they are paid to do that work, but if I answer the door and it is someone I do not either know or have invited over they will be sent packing. I'm kind in word but clear in deed and will shut the door as they're talking if they try to the hard stuff. I come from a place where this would never happen, after 15 years here I still think its rude to pull someone away from whatever they are doing, worthy or not, to talk about stuff you don't want to talk about if you're not my neighbour/friend/family.

Quip · 26/08/2012 21:14

yanbu. The ndcs is a fabulous and wonderful charity, but chuggers like are crap and if you want to give to ndcs, do it directly rather than giving him a cut.

crackcrackcrak · 26/08/2012 21:16

Yanbu he was being v pushy. I am much ruder to cold callers, you were polite!

aliportico · 26/08/2012 21:26

I had a bloke at my door saying he was there on behalf of platform 51 - used to be YWCA apparently - and it was all about supporting women etc, and could he come in to my "front room or kitchen" to have a chat about their work. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, but if he wanted to leave anything for me to read, he could. He didn't, and didn't argue too much about not being let in.

I found it really bizarre - do some people really invite strangers in? I emailed platform 51, but just got an email back from a marketing person saying that this is what their door to door campaigners are trained to do.

aliportico · 26/08/2012 21:27

So no, Y were NBU.