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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have pretended to be out

78 replies

Summerblaze · 22/08/2012 18:30

Today, the doorbell rang while I was feeding my 4 month old DS. My DD (8) and niece (7) answered the door. It was someone from NDCS charity. DD shouted me through. At this point my DS1 (4 - but has developmental delay) clocked that someone was at the door and ran through wearing nothing as he had just had a potty accident.

The guy did his usual chat about how amazing a charity they are and how amazing my neighbours were and did I know the neighbours, well they are fantastic. He was talking so fast I couldn't get a word in edgeways. By this time DS1 is now excited and is singing and running around the living room. DS2 is crying as his dinner was interupted. He asked if I had time just to have a look at what they do so I said no thanks, I was getting ready to go out. He then said that at my neighbours house he did it in a couple of mins so he really wouldn't be long. I again said no I couldn't as I had the baby to feed. He then said that he would feed the baby while I looked at his info Shock. I was firm and said no I really couldn't so he asked if he could come back later. I was so flustered at this point that I just said yes.

When he had gone, I shut the blinds and when he came back a couple of hours later, I told the DC to be quiet until he had gone.

WIBU. Is this just his job and didn't deserve being ignored. I was just so annoyed. He didn't let me speak and made me feel like a complete twat for not agreeing to pay them some money per month (like my brilliant neighbours). Not to mention the fact that he could actually see that I had 4 dc's that needed some attention at that time.

FWIW, I actually work for a charity and give lots through the year either through DD's school, work or other avenues. I have done the monthly payout before but tbh I prefer to give more when I want to, to lots of different charities.

OP posts:
Bellyjaby · 27/08/2012 09:13

"We are in a block of flats and don't get many cold callers but I answered the door to one the other night that gave me the 'your neighbours have been great....do you get on with them....?' "

I'd have said No and shut the door in his/her face!

janflan · 27/08/2012 09:40

Now as soon as i realise what they want i say no thank you and just shut the door. I find engaging in any kind of conversion gives them more excuses to give you the hard sell. I once had someone knock on the door from save the children when i said i wasn't interested said why don't you think of the poor children! I told him i was more concerned with my toddler I'd left in the living room with an open fire and shut the door. There was a fire guard there but still.

BulldogDrummond · 27/08/2012 09:46

It's no one's business how you get on with your neighbours.

I had a cold caller who simply asked what my energy supplier was. I told him it was none of his business.

They want to know who your telephone company is, if you want your tree lopped (no because it would ruin its appearance - so no 'tree surgeon' there), if you want plastic window frames or solar panel heating or cavity wall insulation. They insist on talking to you about Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons.

I am fed up with pizza leaflets through the letter box, Indian takeaway leaflets, Chinese takeaway leaflets, local cab company cards, carpet cleaning A4 sheets - many of which are left sticking out of the letter box so letting in the cold or the warmth out and letting potential burglars know that I might not be there.

I think I'll put a note in my front door window saying, 'No cold callers, please'. If one knocks at the door, I will smile benignly and suggest that he (it's usually a he) enrols for reading lessons.

ChestyNut · 27/08/2012 09:46

YANBU it drives me mad Angry

I plan a day off pottering around the house and am besieged by the people trying to sell me something at the door and the phone calls from random foreign call centres Angry

PurpleKittyKnitting · 27/08/2012 10:13

Bellyjaby yes I was being too nice! I did say I couldn't commit to any donations and he carried on, trying to explain what he was there for, that is when I should have told him to politely naff off!

Secondsop · 27/08/2012 10:38

hawaiiwave I've had similar - someone coming round with a very fast, aggressive patter about how after the cold weather they were checking whether the houses in the street need any work, and trying to get my landline AND the times when i'd be at home for them to call, with a "free report". Id forgotten this but the OP remknded me that he said my neighbours had signed up! Obviously I wasn't about to reveal when my house would or wouldn't have someone in it to a complete stranger so I said "I've not been here long I don't know my landline, can't I call you?" and he flatly refused to give a contact, initially saying "but you wont know when to call" and got really angry with me when i said "well, ill just ask the neighbours to tell me when they get their report then" and got even angrier (really quite nasty) when I said I wasn't interested, and snatched out of my hand the leaflet he'd thrust upon me earlier. I think such callers rely on us being nice and not wanting to interrupt or seem rude, and take advantage of that. Because he snatched back the leaflet I wasn't able to follow up with a complaint, which I suspect is exactly what he intended. .

Flobbadobs · 27/08/2012 10:50

If a charity comes to the door I always tell them I support it! Every single time and it works too.
Anything else I'm either moving house so not interested, already have what they're selling, a pagan (which I am, and has most JW running for the hills..).
Had one cracker a couple of weeks ago when the chugger told me that my wonderful neighbours had just signed up for a direct debit to some charity... His face dropped when I pointed out that one neighbour was at work and the other was on holiday..

TrudiRed · 27/08/2012 11:09

I sometimes tell people that its not my house and often play the dumb woman card and say I can't do anything as my dh is in charge of all the bills. I can't bear the double glazing salespeople who can clearly see I HAVE newish windows but always want to know whats around the back. I don't mind sticking a few pennies in an envelope at the door but I can't stand people wanting me to give them all my bank details for direct debits or whatever. It drives me mad when people can clearly see my 3 small children in the background but still want a long conversation. I like the idea of saying I already support the charities though (although I bet the next question is 'would you like to increase your donation?' Oh and if someone asks for the previous owner on the phone (and we've been here 12 years!) I usually say no sorry she's dead and in the silence that follows I just hang up! Drives me mad when the energy ones won't leave any information so I can throw it away read it in my own time. Grrrrrr!

Freshletticiaandslugs · 27/08/2012 12:13

YANBU. It's your house, you decide whether the answer the door or not. if you don't feel like it then don't. I no longer hide, I just ignore it if I don't want to answer. Same with the phone. If it's really important they will leave a message.

QueenofJacksDreams · 27/08/2012 12:19

YANBU Wish I'd done it the other day with one as when I told them we couldn't afford to donate and then shut the door they stood outside the front door calling me a bastard! Cheeky fuckers made me really angry considering DD was in the back garden and they knew it having said hello to her! Angry

solidgoldbrass · 27/08/2012 12:23

I just say 'NO' and slam the door in their faces. If anyone dared to obstruct the closing door I would tell them that if they didn't fuck off immediately I would call the police.

Having said that, I sometimes do door-to-door market research. I am very careful and polite, I look for stickers that request no cold callers, and if someone opens the door and is clearly in the middle of feeding or changing a kid or whatever I immediately say 'I can tell this is a bad time, sorry, I'm from [company] doing research, I'll try you later.'

I would also report anyone who was really rude or persistent, because not only are they doing their company no favours but they make life harder for the rest of us who are trying to do a legitimate job as nicely as possible.

Mind you, I also do these (have a look at View Other Items to see the range.

dysfunctionalme · 27/08/2012 12:31

I can understand why you pretended to be out but I do think you need to be prepared to say no, without apology. I feel v sorry for cold callers because it must be a crappy job but I have absolutely no qualms about sending them away in the politest possible way.

catkind · 27/08/2012 12:32

A cold caller recently said to me "madam, you're not listening." Damn right I'm not, I'm trying to get the name of your company so I can complain to the telephone preference service. Can always identify them though cos they ask for Mrs Husbandsname, and I'm Ms Myname.

For the door to door kind, our council hand out no cold calling notices, we have one stuck to the door so I generally just point at that and close the door.

No way am I giving to charities who spend their (my!) money on pestering people. It only encourages them to use that route of fundraising. As long as it's worth their while they'll keep doing it. Same goes for chuggers in the streets.

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff · 27/08/2012 12:33

YANBU OP.

However, I blatantly ignore cold callers.

My chair is next to the window, I can be clearly seen from the front door.

I ignore them.

I give to charity, I have no problem with them looking for more funds. Just not from my home, when it is not convenient and, in my experience, they won't take no for an answer.

I have become so disillusioned with the hard sell of some charity callers (both at home and while in town) that I now completely ignore them. They can't make me answer my door.

I do actively seek out charities to support in my own time, when it is convenient to me - to balance out my uber awkward bitchness Grin

Lambzig · 27/08/2012 12:36

DH has a policy of saying "Sorry, but we never sign up to anything at the door" - the tone he delivers it varies on how good his mood is. Seems to work on everything as they have no response to that.

BonkeyMollocks · 27/08/2012 12:40

I just shut the door in their face mid-sentence if they don't accept 'no thankyou' .

I always get fuckers around tea time too.

But abit Shock at him saying he would feed the baby!

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 27/08/2012 13:43

I shoud add my rule of not answering the door at all unless I'm expecting someone, and I don't care if the caller sees that I'm in.

I've rememebred two occassions I've been caught out that have stayed in my memory. The first one was when I'd just walked up a steep hill with a suitacase to arrive home after worrking away for a few days. They watched me approach and as I got my key out one guy seperated out and said "I can see you've just arrived home..." I lost it on him saying something about his inconsiderate behaviour.

The other was maybe 10 years ago. For someone reason I did not tell the guy to go away straight away, and I'll never forget what he said, "do you believe in god?". Me: "No." "Well what if I told you he existed?" Hahahahahaha. I can't remember my response but the conversation did give me a real giggle!

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 27/08/2012 15:47

YANBU

I loath chuggers

I don't seem to have too much trouble with them though, it's once example of when having a dog the size of a pony comes into its own Grin. When someone knocks on the door he barks his loud deep bark, and when we open the door he hides behind our legs (because he's a rescue dog and was abused so is scared of his own shadow) but it looks like we are holding him back from getting at whoever is there Grin they usually take a step back then apologise then scamper away. Its very satisfying.

EugenesAxe · 27/08/2012 16:01

YANBU- this is like charity rape. No means no!

GnocchiNineDoors · 27/08/2012 16:06

I say "No thank you" and if they persist "Ive said no politely, if I use a rude response are you more likely to.pay attention?" and if they persist further "." door shut.

FoxyRoxy · 27/08/2012 16:45

I was staying at my mums and there was a young lad and a girl with clipboards knocking on doors, after the third time they rang the doorbell in the space of an hour (which I'd ignored every time) I threw the door open and shouted can't you fucking read? Pointing at the big sign my mum has up saying no cold callers etc. they tried to argue they hadn't knocked 3 times already so I called them a pair of idiots and slammed the door. I blame pregnancy hormones Wink I used to invite my Jehovas in for a cup of tea, they were lovely :)

WandaDoff · 27/08/2012 16:54

I usually just tell them I don't have a bank account, I do obviously, but they don't know that.

They usually fuck off pretty quick after that Smile

LadySybildeChocolate · 27/08/2012 17:01

I tried the 'I don't sign up for anything at my door,' the cheeky sod asked me why Hmm I said I get enough chuggers harassing me every time I walk through the city centre, and I couldn't be arsed with this at my home, then I closed the door on him.

4ducks · 27/08/2012 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CanoeSlalom · 27/08/2012 17:09

They're trained to find an answer to everything. So whatever you say they will find some way around it and keep talking until you close the door.