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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have pretended to be out

78 replies

Summerblaze · 22/08/2012 18:30

Today, the doorbell rang while I was feeding my 4 month old DS. My DD (8) and niece (7) answered the door. It was someone from NDCS charity. DD shouted me through. At this point my DS1 (4 - but has developmental delay) clocked that someone was at the door and ran through wearing nothing as he had just had a potty accident.

The guy did his usual chat about how amazing a charity they are and how amazing my neighbours were and did I know the neighbours, well they are fantastic. He was talking so fast I couldn't get a word in edgeways. By this time DS1 is now excited and is singing and running around the living room. DS2 is crying as his dinner was interupted. He asked if I had time just to have a look at what they do so I said no thanks, I was getting ready to go out. He then said that at my neighbours house he did it in a couple of mins so he really wouldn't be long. I again said no I couldn't as I had the baby to feed. He then said that he would feed the baby while I looked at his info . I was firm and said no I really couldn't so he asked if he could come back later. I was so flustered at this point that I just said yes.

When he had gone, I shut the blinds and when he came back a couple of hours later, I told the DC to be quiet until he had gone.

WIBU. Is this just his job and didn't deserve being ignored. I was just so annoyed. He didn't let me speak and made me feel like a complete twat for not agreeing to pay them some money per month (like my brilliant neighbours). Not to mention the fact that he could actually see that I had 4 dc's that needed some attention at that time.

FWIW, I actually work for a charity and give lots through the year either through DD's school, work or other avenues. I have done the monthly payout before but tbh I prefer to give more when I want to, to lots of different charities.

OP posts:

emsyj · 26/08/2012 21:33

I actually prefer it when I get someone at the door who is very pushy - I then feel less guilty about sending them briskly on their way. It's the ones who are very polite and nice who make me feel a little tiny bit bad for saying, 'I'm sorry, I do not donate to charities who make unsolicited house calls as a matter of principle".

If I had my way, I would outlaw unsolicited door to door marketing and collecting.

fruityoatybar · 26/08/2012 21:42

Next time just say its not a great time - then shut the door. Works For me. Don't feel guilty. This kind of charity begging hugely annoys me.

pictish · 26/08/2012 21:44

Yanbu.
You made it clear you didn't want to engage but he pushed and pushed. The next step was surely a firm 'fuck off now'.

Secondsop · 26/08/2012 23:52

You were not unreasonable AT ALL. I have no children or babies to look after yet but I still hate being bothered in my own home with an unsolicited caller after my money, however good the cause. It's mot that i dont support charitable work - far from it - but more that i am capable of making my own decisions about which charities I want to actively support without having someone force-feed me their spiel. The whole "arent your neighbours great for donating" business sounds deeply suspicious too, and no more than a ploy. Sounds like you were far calmer than I would have been in the circumstances.

Bellyjaby · 27/08/2012 07:17

Yanbu - we have the money saving expert signs up for no cold callers/charities/religious groups. I have to say the cold callers pay attention, though that's probably because they're required to. If I get a charity or religious group, I point to the sign and say "that's there for a reason, I'm not interested" and shut the door in their faces. I'm an adult and will support whatever charity I want if and when I have the money. Anyone else find they donate less to charities with the biggest chugger presences?

CailinDana · 27/08/2012 07:23

I bring my phone and say "Hang on a sec" as I open the door. Then I look expectantly at the person, who usually just says "I'll call back later." If they don't say that, I just say "sorry I'm on the phone, can't talk now" and close the door.

hermioneweasley · 27/08/2012 07:26

Just say "I'm not interested thanks" and shut the door. Talk over them if you have to. They are being rude knocking on your door and not asking if they can take your time, but rely on people conforming to social niceties and waiting for them to finish.

CouthyMow · 27/08/2012 07:48

Last time the Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door, I was halfway through a nappy change, 18mo DS3 had no nappy on and it was only 8am. I told them I was a Satanist.

In my defence, it was early, I keep telling them that I do not wish to be disturbed by them, and I had had a very bad night's sleep!

iloverhubarb · 27/08/2012 07:56

Yabu to lie on the floor with four children including a baby in your own house! This (chuggers at door) makes me cross with the charities who employ them. I just say I don't give money to people who come to my door and anyway I already give to specific charities directly (which is true as it happens). Then I just shut the door.

MarysBeard · 27/08/2012 08:06

I too think all unsolicited door to door marketing & charity collections should be made illegal.

Zipitydooda · 27/08/2012 08:06

You need to train your children not to open the door to strangers.

Then get a spy hole and decide who you open the door to.

Then learn to say "sorry I'm busy" and close the door.

OnlyWantsOne · 27/08/2012 08:09

I used to sell gas & elec for npower by knockin on doors and signing people up. The company I worked for taught us a sales patter that included mentioning the neighbours.

YANBU.

BulldogDrummond · 27/08/2012 08:19

I had a cold caller, whom I did not know, the other day who began with, "Hello. How are you?" I answered "Who are you?" He said "I'm not here to sell anything." He then proceeded to talk to me about plastic double glazing. I just kept saying, "I'm not interested in plastic window frames" and went to close the door. He told me that there was no need for me to be rude.

What sort of fools do they think we are?

BulldogDrummond · 27/08/2012 08:19

He added that he was there just to make an appointment for someeone else to do the selling.

ChasedByBees · 27/08/2012 08:24

I wonder why te neighbours line works? I would just say 'oh good you've met your targets then. Sorry I can't help. Bye!'

I would have told him that there was no way I would hand over my baby and it's a really weird thing to suggest. God, you'd never get rid of him if he had hold of your baby!

Definitely practice 'I'm not interested. I never sign up to anything financial from unsolicited callers.'

I had an annoying one When I was BF a 6 week old baby. I didn't answer the door so he peered in my window. I shook my head annoyed and he showed me his charity badge, like that's going to make me rush to the door. I should have noted the charity so I could have complained.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 27/08/2012 08:33

The other day we had people come round from British heart foundation. When I first heard them I thought it was my partner arriving here, I was in bed so didn't move, then I heard someone messing round with my gate (the bolt makes a loud clanking sound when opened, the sound was if they were messing around with it) I was just about to get up to see what dp was doing when there was a knock on the door. Then before I could even get downstairs he was gone.
I looked out my bedroom window and he was busy harrassing my neighbour through his open lounge window.
At this point I noticed there was a few of them, after they finished they walked over to a tree on our greens, changed into normal tshirts, sat down and each got a joint out!

hawaiiWave · 27/08/2012 08:43

Yanbu.I had an awful one where this guy TOLD me rather than asked,that he was going to check my walls and it was nothing to worry about.he said he was doing the whole street as the houses were of an age that the walls may need fixing. I told him no, I do not need my walls looked at. The upsetting thing is that an elderly person may have been intimidated by him, he gave the impression he was official, from a public body type thing.

I also complained to barnardos when I had an argument with one of their chuggers, who proceeded to tell me elderly and lonely people like having her knock. So chuggers rely on exploiting the elderly and vulnerable, it's disgusting.

I've printed the no cold callers sign for myself and all my neighbours now :)

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 27/08/2012 08:46

YANBU at all. I had a young man offering me windows or something at my door. I said "Thank you very much, but I am not interested". He persisted. I said, "I am not interested, thank you". He persisted. I said "I told you I am not interested. Go away". He laughed (must admit I laughed a bit, too) and left.

I understand, too, that people need to work, but no is no. I work from home (childminder) so it makes it even more of a pain. Think I will get chain on the door. Good idea from a PP.

redlac · 27/08/2012 08:46

I have no shame in not answering the door to anyone I don't know. The tv is on and we all still sit on the sofa and ignore them chapping the door. If they look through the window I don't give a stuff if they see us ignoring them or not.

PurpleKittyKnitting · 27/08/2012 08:47

We are in a block of flats and don't get many cold callers but I answered the door to one the other night that gave me the 'your neighbours have been great....do you get on with them....?'

I don't care if my neighbours have done it!

He kept saying he wasn't asking for money today but I would be filling in form and them him or someone else would come in a few weeks, presumably for money? I don't know, he just wasn't explaining it very well and I have no spare money for it anyway!

NurseBernard · 27/08/2012 08:51

I thought this thread was going to be about pretending to come out of the closet and was avidly reading, waiting for the punch line and/or for you to go back in the closet... and it never came.

So YABU, purely from the point of view of the extreme anti-climax you just had me experience.

ovenchips · 27/08/2012 08:52

YANBU. I really dislike this method.

The method that works for me is to just answer their first slew of open-ended questions with 'no thanks'. Doesn't actually make sense as answers but certainly sends message that I'm not engaging with them.

Though lying on the rug stifling giggles is a lot more fun sounding!

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2012 08:59

A firm 'I do not sign up for anything at my door. Bye.' Works for me.

Or a simple 'No thank you' Shut the door.

zlist · 27/08/2012 09:00

YANBU - we get quite a lot of cold callers visiting our neighbourhood. I find it so intrusive, especially as DH and I sometimes work from home and we have two dogs (that like to bark excessively at the doorbell). I now don't get any at all visiting our house as I have put up three stickers that clearly state we are not interested from every view (so no 'I missed it until after I rang the doorbell') and we have installed a doorbell that enables us to see and speak to the visitor without answering the door.

CanoeSlalom · 27/08/2012 09:08

YANBU

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