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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want apology for ruined washing

78 replies

zozzle · 22/08/2012 09:58

DP put some of my delicate items in a normal wash and they are now unwearable - one was expensive the other 3 weren't. It was an honest mistake, he assumed the pile on the floor was for washing as it was not in the normal place and it looked dirty.

When I expressed my upset (I didn't go mad just miffed) he said it was regretable and we could buy some more. I said that I accepted it was a mistake but that I felt upset and went off to watch some telly. 5 mins later I said "an apology might be nice" then he completely lost it saying didn't I get the spirit of what he was saying, that yes it was a shame but he wasn't going to apologise as he felt he'd done nothing wrong and it was just a case of "semantics". He then said I was equally to blame for leaving a pile of washing in a different location to normal. He then slammed the door and left the house for 15 mins!

Yes it's good that he's doing his share of the housework and to be fair usually he's not adverse to apologising "if he feels he's done something wrong". Today he says "he wants to move on from it" but still no apology.

He is stressed at work but still, isn't it normal to apologise if you accidently ruin something that belongs to someone else even if it was an honest mistake? Ie. isn't it just good manners? If he'd apologised straight away, then we could have forgotten about it and moved on a lot earlier in the evening.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mimstar · 22/08/2012 09:59

Well, he said he would buy some more? It's just an accident, and if he is willing to replace what was damaged, I would say that's fair enough.

TeamEdward · 22/08/2012 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wommer · 22/08/2012 10:00

Yanbu, but might be a case of pick you battles here.
Maybe just let it go - espesh as he's agreed to replace it

SoupDragon · 22/08/2012 10:01

So, you left a pile of stuff somewhere, it looked dirty and your DH thought "I know,I"ll put this washing on to please Wifey..."

Katienana · 22/08/2012 10:01

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, what exactly would an apology achieve? He was only trying to help. He has said you can replace the items. Was it really worth an arguement?

Panzee · 22/08/2012 10:01

I feel like I'm reading about some kind of truth and reconciliation meeting between warring nations here.

emsyj · 22/08/2012 10:01

I shrank a new jumper of DH's and it was entirely my own fault for not reading/following the wash label - I did apologise, but tbh if he had 'demanded' an apology I would have told him to sod off. I bought him a new one. And then promptly shrank that one too. Blush

I think YABabitU but he should replace what he has ruined.

ParsleyTheLioness · 22/08/2012 10:03

He said we can buy some more. Depending on OP's finances, that might mean she is replacing the stuff, if that makes a difference. Does it OP?

Callisto · 22/08/2012 10:05

Seriously? You left dirty washing in the dirty washing pile. Your partner washed it and you're having a shit fit at him? If you'd done the same to me I'd have told you where to stick your 'unwashable delicates'.

Justme23 · 22/08/2012 10:06

YABU.

It's the same as me washing DPs truck keys and damaging the bibber for the truck, the immobiliser and the bibber for the gates. He knows how the washer works, empty your pockets next time.

Why was there a pile of clothes in the floor anyway?

Lesson learned.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 22/08/2012 10:07

Well, OP, you've probably guaranteed that he will never EVER do any washing again.

(We'll see you in 5 years when you come on here moaning about it.)

NotMostPeople · 22/08/2012 10:08

YABU

You left the items in a place where they could easily be assumed to be on their way to the washing machine. Your DH put them in. You did not intend them to be washed, but can see how your DH might think they were.

When he realised his mistake he expressed his regret and offered to make amends. You told him that you knew it was a mistake, but you were upset and left the room.

So far so reasonable.

There was no need to ask for an apology as he didn't intend to ruin your things and he did express regret that they had been. You admit that it was an easy mistake to make therefore he doesn't have anything to apologise for.

MrsKeithRichards · 22/08/2012 10:08

Move on.

Birdsgottafly · 22/08/2012 10:12

We had a thread on here a couple of weeks ago, it was the wife that didn't apologise for not double checking the washing and damaging an item.

Nearly everyone agreed that she shouldn't and she should never do his washing again, because he was an ungrateful sod for daring to complain.

It will be interesting to see how this pans out.

Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 22/08/2012 10:14

It was an accident. Have you never made a mistake? would you like him to harp on about all the things you do wrong?

noblegiraffe · 22/08/2012 10:17

Get a grip.

pictish · 22/08/2012 10:17

He accepted he did the wrong thing and offered to replace the damaged items. Job done as far as I am concerned.
To harp on and demand further apologies is just being bloody minded.
Stop it.

Original poster
zozzle · 22/08/2012 10:26

Oh dear looks like I'm in the wrong then. Its just that if it were me I'd apologise - especially as it was one of my fave items.

He knows the drill and doen't normally touch things that are in a diff place to normal. Wasn't his reaction a bit out of order (shouting, door slamming etc?)

OP posts:
Petsinmyolympicpudenda · 22/08/2012 10:28

If you followed me around demanding an apology for something as trivial as washing that I had already said I would replace i would be slamming doors too.

noblegiraffe · 22/08/2012 10:29

I'd go out too. Can't abide sulkers.

He didn't deliberately ruin your things, it was an accident, so get over it.

quoteunquote · 22/08/2012 10:38

OP, I think your husband should be able to look with his eyes and work out if items are delicate, it's really not hard, most of us manage it several times a day,

unless you are married to a blind five year old, I think being blamed for putting clothes in the "wrong" place is pathetic,

If an adult cannot distinguish between different types of fabric, then there is something lacking in that adult's attention to skills development, if that person lashs out and blames you for their own failing, then they clearly have no intention of addressing their own lack of attention to detail,

Tell your husband where to buy replacement items and let him put in the effort to rectify his mistake, if he has to use his own energy to remedy the situation, he might in future use a tiny bit of brain power before he pointlessly ruins anything else.

Original poster
zozzle · 22/08/2012 10:41

Ok so maybe I was still upset and an apology would have helped. Yes I would have thought that it was fairly obvious that a satin bra shouldn't go in a normal wash.

But maybe men just don't notice these things.

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 22/08/2012 10:43

maybe it's because he doesn't own a lot of satin bras?

LtEveDallas · 22/08/2012 10:45

Yes I would have thought that it was fairly obvious that a satin bra shouldn't go in a normal wash

Obvious to who? Your non-bra wearing, non-satin wearing DP?

But maybe men just don't notice these things No, people who don't wear these things don't notice these things. I wear cotton bras, they get bunged in the normal wash. I don't wear satin bras - if I bought one I would bung it in the normal wash. If it got ruined? Meh, I would buy a new cotton one.

Original poster
zozzle · 22/08/2012 10:45

Yep point taken Lancelottie, but still tend to agree with quoteunquote - esp as he knows I regularly do delicates washes.

OP posts:
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