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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a contribution after DD's friend damaged my TV

122 replies

pixie54 · 21/08/2012 21:47

DD's friend who had come for a sleepover was playing on the WII without the wrist strap on. When "bowling" she let go of the remote thingy and it hit our tv cracking the screen and it stopped working.
Her mum was with me having a cuppa when it happened and my DD (9) came in and said that it had happened. I said to my DD 'not to worry, I'll sort it later'. Friends mum didn't comment. Then my son came in and said the tv wasn't working and again I said I'd sort it later. DD's friends mum said that her dd probably wasn't wearing the strap. Then they left, without mentioning it all.i haven't heard from her at all since. The upshot is that tv is not repairable, a new one is £1200 and I have to claim on my accidental damage cover which has a £250 excess and I lose my no claims status. Should I contact the mum and ask her to contribute? Or, do we take the view that accidents like this are something to be accepted and we should bear the cost? I don't know what the right thing to do is!! Advice please, thanks

OP posts:

pictish · 22/08/2012 09:29

YOU brushed off OP. You made a point of brushing it off...so that is why they left without so much as a word. You gave the distinct impression that it didn't matter, so what did you expect?

I wouldn't ask for anything. I think you're pretty silly having such an expensive tv for kids to play on in the first place.
More money than sense.

NotMostPeople · 22/08/2012 09:31

Our TV was that price, it was of course chosen by DH and is 32" which was our compromise size. I wanted smaller, he wanted larger. I think if you buy a new one these days you get sucked into having 3D, freeview, internet etc - well DH did anyway.

OP I'd talk to the Mum about it, she probably had no idea that the tv was broken to the extent that it is. Call her and explain what happened and then stay silent so that she has to give a response rather than asking for the money iyswim. Wait for her to offer, if she doesn't then you have to decide what you want to do. I think I'd suggest we go halves on the excess.

Justme23 · 22/08/2012 09:34

I do mean a contribution to the excess btw, not the full sum of the telly.

I really think some of the posters should have a look on some electronics websites if they think £1200 is expensive for a tv.

nokidshere · 22/08/2012 09:35

No you can't ask her for money. Its your responsibility to make sure the children had the wrist straps on when they started playing on the wii.

If it had been my child though I would have been mortified and offered something (whilst expecting to be told told no).

rainbowinthesky · 22/08/2012 09:37

We don't have a wii and I dont think dd 8 would know you have to put a wrist thing on. I would expect you or your to make sure any guests knew this before allowing them to play. If I were the other parent I would offer to pay your excess but wouldn't feel to blame tbh.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 22/08/2012 09:41

I think the other mum should have contributed to excess

HOWEVER

Does she even know the TV is permanently deceased. Your OP says that the kids came in and said it wasn't working. She (and I guess you?) might have thought it was nothing major, that a quick turn on and off again would fix.

From your OP I don't think she realises the TV was badly damaged.

DowagersHump · 22/08/2012 09:41

I'm sure the reason she didn't say anything was because she was afraid you would ask her to pay for it.

I would be really hacked off if any of my friends asked me for a contribution to something like that tbh because it was an accident. Wii remotes fly out of hands sometimes. If you have a really expensive telly, it's probably a good idea to make it a rule that wrist straps must always be worn. Were your kids wearing them?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 22/08/2012 09:45

am amazed at the amount of people who wouldn't offer to pay the excess in broadly the same situation, but can see why this particular woman got mixed messages given the OP's determination to play the situation down. that seems bonkers to me... 'mum, the telly's cracked' and no-one even gets up to have a look at it?!

JustFabulous · 22/08/2012 09:47

I am quite shocked that people think you are responsible for other peoples kids when they mother is there.

It was an accident but the moral thing to do is to offer to pay the excess, why should the OP's premiums go up when she has done nothing wrong.

People get slated for telling other people's kids off but are expected to be responsible for them.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 22/08/2012 09:47

agree it was an accident, btw. but an accident that happened in the hands of the guest child, therefore her parents bear the cost, surely, of at least half? (just of the excess, not of the whole telly).

DowagersHump · 22/08/2012 09:50

If you have a very expensive fragile telly, don't let kids near it surely?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 22/08/2012 09:53

it's all relative... some people don't think that's a lot to spend on a telly. (i mean i personally nearly fainted, but some people really don't... )

anyway, it doesn't really matter the expense of the tv itself, all excesses are around the £200 mark, and she's really only asking about a contribution to that. Not that i would ask now, btw. the OP blew her chance when she couldn't be arsed getting up off the sofa.

ChickensArentEligableForGold · 22/08/2012 09:54

You missed the boat by not going to check the damage when the children informed you of it imo. We have an expensive telly, and I'd have been in there like a shot to a) check no one was hurt, b) that the tv wasn't on fire or anything and c) to see just how broken it was. You let her off the hook, so now I think you have to just let it go. Anything else will look grasping.

oranges · 22/08/2012 09:54

But HOW on earth can you afford to pay the excess or the cost of the telly or whatever? We are well off but would still really really struggle to find 250 pounds or 600 to cover that kind of damage. I do think if you have really expensive kit, you have to not let other people's kids play on it. I don't let ds's friends on my computer precisely because I can't afford to replace it, and their parents couldn't either.

Pekka · 22/08/2012 09:55

If you are close enough to even casually mention the excess, I would. Tell her you feel bad for asking, but can't quite afford the excess. You know her better than we do, would she react badly to the suggestion? If my child broke someone's TV and the person said I'll sort it later, I would imagine it has happened before and they know how to fix it. I wouldn't be offended if they came around asking for a contribution, but I would like to make sure that the TV is really broken. Does this make any sense? :)

PrideOfChanur · 22/08/2012 09:59

I think you are responsible for other peoples children behaving as you want them to in your house,so if they need to wear wrist straps,make them do it,if they can't take drink upstairs,stop them or whatever.
Different families have different rules,so I wouldn't expect to police a visiting child's manners,but I would expect to stop them doing things to my stuff whether the parents were there or not!

As a visiting parent I'd expect the same from a host - so if they minded unsecured wii remotes I'd expect them to say,and if I was concerned I'd ask "are you bothered about them doing XYZ..."

I don't think you can ask the Mum to pay - unless perhaps you were in the room with the kids and had asked her to watch them while you nipped to the loo,oh and make sure they use the wrist straps,won't you.....and she didn't.

maxmillie · 22/08/2012 10:00

We have a ludicrously expensive tv (latest samsung smart telly (in my defense had a 13y old CRT before that)). I let dc and friends play on it in the living room alone (while I am having coffee with the mum in the kitchen for example) and I don't even make them wear straps (because I think it is hypocritical as I dont and I can't face the whinging and nagging).

Al my dc friends have wiis and are familiar with usage (spoilt brats), the TV is on a high sideboard and is strapped to the back. I have home contents insurance with TV as named item and accidental damage.

Rest - I leave in the lap of the gods. If this happened at my house, I would expect the parent to offer to pay the insurance excess - not whole cost of TV (why should they be expected to fork out thousands on a TV just because we were silly enough to?) - think my excess is £150. Once they had offered, I would probably say no don't worry and swallow it myself (unless kid had wilfully damaged it maybe). Equally, if my child accidentally did this at their house, I would also offer to cover any of their out of pocket costs straight away. I would expect they would probably say don't worry as well.

So in summary I think this is the risk you take with young children, games consoles and TVs - but I think she was very rude to not offer to pay your costs.

BonnieBumble · 22/08/2012 10:02

I wouldn't have offered because I don't have any money to offer and I do think that the householder has a responsibility to ensure that wrist straps were worn not the mother of the child who may not even know what a wii wrist strap is.

Ds's friend spilt milk over my laptop, the children were supposed to be playing upstairs but came downstairs helped themselves to a drink and had an accident whilst I was hanging out the washing.

I didn't even mention it to the mum because it was an accident he didn't do it on purpose, he wasn't even that close to the laptop . I wouldn't have expected her to contribute to the excess because it wasn't her responsibility.

maxmillie · 22/08/2012 10:04

assuming she was actually aware how badly damaged it was of course - I too would have been in there like a shot screaming like a banshee to assess the situation.

PrideOfChanur · 22/08/2012 10:08

So maxmillie - if you are happy for your DCs and friends to use your wii in those circumstances,that is your decision - but why should the parent of a visiting child be responsible if it goes wrong,when that isn't a decision they've made?
If I thought there was any chance that DS might have an accident at a friends,while unsupervised,involving payment of £125 I would want host mum to not let him anywhere near whatever it was. Expensive electronic equipment - please keep the kids away from it,and make them play with something cheap and indestructable instead.

lljkk · 22/08/2012 10:11

If my telly cost £1200 DC wouldn't be allowed within 3metres of it, and not within the same room with hard object in their hands.

I wouldn't ask for more than £80 towards the excess on insurance.
£80 fault of OP's other child for not making sure strap was on, and £90 fault to OP for owning such an expensive telly.

My laptop cost £1000 and 12yo is the only DC allowed to use it.

WerthersUnOriginal · 22/08/2012 10:12

The mum is v ill mannered not to be showing more interest in this and her attitude would be making me reassess that particular friendship.

That aside I guess it really was an accident and with 20/20 hindsight all sorts of things would have been different I think I'd just deal with it as if anyone in the family had accidentally done it and pay up. I'd let the mum know the outcome though with a face like this --> whilst I was telling her.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 22/08/2012 10:13

I would give her a call, tell her the facts and ask for a £125 to cover half the excess.

SoupDragon · 22/08/2012 10:13

"not the mother of the child who may not even know what a wii wrist strap is."

So why did the other mother immediately suggest that her DD hadn't been wearing the strap?

It is polite to offer to pay for damage caused by your child. Whether the "victim" accepts or not is up to them. I had a friend's child throw a toy sword through one of my front windows. The mother offered to pay for the call out charge plus excess but I declined as I was more able to afford it.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 22/08/2012 10:14

so are you all saying that had you been in the same position you would have felt no compunction to offer to pay/split cost of excess?

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