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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about childminder?

66 replies

NoodleBugs · 21/08/2012 19:04

DS (14mo) has been going to a childminder for about 6 months now. It's a very large childminders (almost a small nursery) with the childminder herself, her husband, and 4 staff. I like all the staff, but have reservations about one. She frequently says things like "I bet you're so much happier here than at home" (to DS) and "he hasn't wanted anyone but me all day. I think he likes me more than you" (to me), as well as several other comments about how much DS adores her and how great she is with him. She's also frequently telling me he's done things I know he hasn't (like speaking) and seems very eager to make out that he'll do it for her but not me.

I usually let it go. I'm grateful that DS is happy there (he truly loves it) and I don't think there's any malice. I think she's just a little naive and doesn't think before she speaks. It does bug me though. DS won't be going there much more anyway as I start maternity leave in 4 weeks, and DH is to be a SAHD.

Anyway, today she mentions that DS is the only child on Saturday. Usually when this is the case the childminder herself has him. This week this employee will be having him. She told me (not asked) that she'll collect DS from my house (I always drop him off) and will be taking him to a party with her friends (early 20's). I don't know where the house is, but she mentioned a "big dog".

I have huge reservations but don't know whether it's because I'm uncomfortable with her, or the situation. DS is used to dogs (We have two big dogs) but I don't know this dog, or the dog owner. I also don't feel comfortable with her taking him to a house full of strangers. It feels like she wants to go to the party, but wants to earn a wage while she's there.

WIBU to ask that she doesn't take him to the party and cares for him at the house as usual?

OP posts:
Trazzletoes · 21/08/2012 19:05

YANBU!

MrsKeithRichards · 21/08/2012 19:05

Yanbu!

RaisinDEtre · 21/08/2012 19:06

Are you in the UK?

ParsleyTheLioness · 21/08/2012 19:07

Not unreasonable at all. The contract you have is childcare at the house. Don't think she would be covered by the usual insurance etc doing what she wants re the party.

MrsHende · 21/08/2012 19:07

Seriously? YADNBU!!

TheMonster · 21/08/2012 19:07

Yanbu. The childminder should be the one having him on Saturday as this woman is clearly too busy to be working!

lisad123 · 21/08/2012 19:08

No way, I would tell her so.
I would insist that he is in his normal place and you don't want him to go.

NoToastWithoutKnickers · 21/08/2012 19:08

No funcking way would I go along with that. Make other arrangements, definitely. Does her boss know what she's planning?

NoToastWithoutKnickers · 21/08/2012 19:08

Funcking? Confused

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 21/08/2012 19:11

Her employer should not even consider letting her do that and the fact that she is going to do that shows she is fucking daft and should not be working with kids.

Are you in the UK? If so, I would report this CM and her work situation to OFSTED. I am a CM myself, so this is most certainly not a CM bashing suggestion.

Parsley raises an extremely valid point about insurance.

Have you raised this with the childminder? You must do so. Why are you even questioning if this is an unreasonable thing to ask???

Tartymuffin · 21/08/2012 19:12

YANBU - and I would be having a quiet word with the childminder about this person's unprofessional comments. She could seriously affect the childminder's business if she carries on.

And there is NO WAY I'd be letting her take my child to a party - she's being paid to look after your child in his usual setting, with her attention fully on him, not allow him to tag along on her social life. Her attention wouldn't be on him 100% and that is not acceptable. My gut reaction is no no no no no! And I'd also be speaking to the childminder about this too - partying in work time? Dictating to paying clients what will and won't be happening? Don't think it would go down too well.

I'm quite shocked.

StrawberryMojito · 21/08/2012 19:13

Ask the boss about this, surely she can't be ok with it. Are they doing you a favour by having your child on a Saturday therefore think that anything goes? If this is the case, make alternative arrangements. Your son is not an add on to this womans social life.

flyoverthehill · 21/08/2012 19:15

Totally with Alliwant and I would saay you find her behaviour strange, really strange.

KenLeeeeeee · 21/08/2012 19:17

YANBU - and I echo everything else said here.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 21/08/2012 19:18

I would ask the boss if she even knows your son is booking in for Saturday, and make it clear to her that your arrangement with her does not include random members of staff taking your son off her premises, to somewhere you don't even know full of strangers etc etc etc.
I wonder if this girl is "playing happy families" with your son - I don't suppose for a second she means any harm, but it seems a bit, well, weird and not quite right somehow, I just can't quite put my finger on why exactly, but it's wrong. For all you know the childminder herself might have no idea, the "I'll pick him up from your house" has alarm bells ringing for me, before we even get to where she wants to take him. It's "off" - don't hand your son to this girl Confused

NoodleBugs · 21/08/2012 19:18

Yes, we're in the UK. DHis going to speak to the childminder tomorrow evening. So glad it's not just me that has reservations!

OP posts:
lollipoppi · 21/08/2012 19:19

oh my goodness, i am literally fuming on your behalf!! Angry

Absolutely no way would I let her take my DS to a party with, or without a big dog!
And I would not be biting my Tongue with her comments either, I would speak to the manager about both issues

It annoys me when my MIL comes out with comments like this but for the sake of a happy relationship I just smile and nod, but if a (I am guessing) young girl made comments like this i would be fuming!

RaisinDEtre · 21/08/2012 19:22

Gosh, no YANBU to have reservations at ALL

If in England you can report concerns to Ofsted

NatashaBee · 21/08/2012 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/08/2012 19:26

YANBU! Have you spoken to the main cm about why she isn't doing the job you pay her for?

RightBuggerforit · 21/08/2012 19:28

Omg, no, no and no to the picking up, taking to the party and being around an unknown dog. Wtf is she thinking?! Her boss can't have thought you'd be ok with that situation either, really unprofessional of the staff member, and I wouldn't want her looking after ds on her own either tbh. She needs some training, and some sense!

NoodleBugs · 21/08/2012 19:29

Saturday's aren't a favour. Their hours at Monday to Saturday 8am - 8pm. It was always known that both DH and I sometimes work Saturdays and that he would need to go there, and it's never been a problem. Occasionally one of the staff has asked if they can take him out to (for example) a fair at the local park, and I've never had a problem with things like that. This feels very different though.

PomBear - I think you've summed up how I feel. It feels like she'll be playing happy families with my DS, and it all does feel just wierd.

Thanks for the reassurance, everyone!

OP posts:
Theglassishalffull · 21/08/2012 19:29

This is wrong. I would ask her boss. Worker sounds very unprofessional!

blondieminx · 21/08/2012 19:41

Yanbu, at all.

The CM sounds tactless at best for those comments, and if she's aware of the employees plan for Saturday involving large unknown dog and potentially non-crb checked individuals Shock then yep, complaint to ofsted!

Happilymarried155 · 21/08/2012 19:42

This is getting off the point of the thread, but I used to be a childminder myself and ofsted state that there cannot be more than three childminders registered at the same address. If you exceed three childminders you then have to register as full day care (ie a nursery!) this may be worth looking into, you could check her ofsted certificate which should be on the wall at all times.

I would not let this other childminder take him to a random party, yanbu!