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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about childminder?

66 replies

NoodleBugs · 21/08/2012 19:04

DS (14mo) has been going to a childminder for about 6 months now. It's a very large childminders (almost a small nursery) with the childminder herself, her husband, and 4 staff. I like all the staff, but have reservations about one. She frequently says things like "I bet you're so much happier here than at home" (to DS) and "he hasn't wanted anyone but me all day. I think he likes me more than you" (to me), as well as several other comments about how much DS adores her and how great she is with him. She's also frequently telling me he's done things I know he hasn't (like speaking) and seems very eager to make out that he'll do it for her but not me.

I usually let it go. I'm grateful that DS is happy there (he truly loves it) and I don't think there's any malice. I think she's just a little naive and doesn't think before she speaks. It does bug me though. DS won't be going there much more anyway as I start maternity leave in 4 weeks, and DH is to be a SAHD.

Anyway, today she mentions that DS is the only child on Saturday. Usually when this is the case the childminder herself has him. This week this employee will be having him. She told me (not asked) that she'll collect DS from my house (I always drop him off) and will be taking him to a party with her friends (early 20's). I don't know where the house is, but she mentioned a "big dog".

I have huge reservations but don't know whether it's because I'm uncomfortable with her, or the situation. DS is used to dogs (We have two big dogs) but I don't know this dog, or the dog owner. I also don't feel comfortable with her taking him to a house full of strangers. It feels like she wants to go to the party, but wants to earn a wage while she's there.

WIBU to ask that she doesn't take him to the party and cares for him at the house as usual?

OP posts:
Carrie1983 · 21/08/2012 19:48

Is this woman mental? YANBU!!! I would be concerned about this person taking him off the registered premises, on her own, as she is not actually the registered cm, just an assistant. I wouldn't want her near him; child catcher springs to mind!

This should NOT be happening, not in any way, shape or form. Speak to the organ grinder; tell her you are not happy with this situation and if she doesn't change it, you will be pulling LO with immediate effect for breech of contract. There will definitely be a breech in there.

Carrie1983 · 21/08/2012 19:50

That's a point, happilymarried; I was a childminder as well. There's no way on earth this kind of thing should be happening, and I would not have pre-planned to take a mindee to a social gathering! She is an employee of your childminder and should book time off for social stuff, or else not go to it. I wouldn't expect my dd's nursery keyworker to take her off to some random party, so why should a childminder assistant get away with that behaviour. This is really quite unbelievable!

HSMM · 21/08/2012 19:53

If there's 6 staff all at once (2+4) they're almost certainly not legally registered as childminders in England. Check their registration and let the boss know you are not happy with the care on offer. If you don't get any luck, go to Ofsted.

NB: I am a CM

AmberLeaf · 21/08/2012 20:09

Are the others childminders or assistants?

No bloody way though!

Original poster
NoodleBugs · 21/08/2012 20:34

I've just had a look for their latest Ofstead report, but the most recent is 2009. How often should these be done? Is there a difference between childminder and childminder's assisstant?

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 21/08/2012 20:41

At the very least the cmer should not be taking your ds away from the cming setting except to the park or something if agreed. And you need to speak to the main cmer about the employees way of speaking to you. I would have said something before now. She is very unprofessional to speak to you like that.

Flobbadobs · 21/08/2012 20:46

Wouldn't there be insurance issues as well? I think the member of staff is being more than a bit creepy tbh, mention everything to the CM.

RaisinDEtre · 21/08/2012 20:46

2009, should be due for inspection soonish BUT I have heard that the insp cycle running very late (heard a year in some places)

frustratedpants · 21/08/2012 21:23

No no no no way! Not in a month of Sundays!
Is CM even aware of this assistants idea?
I think I complaint about this assistant is on order, not only about a 'party' off premises (not insured and I doubt friends would be crn checked etc) but I would also complain about the way this assistant has been speaking to you and ds. he likes me more than you Shock I am fuming for you OP. it is unprofessional and creepy

wimblehorse · 21/08/2012 21:32

Is the employee an "assistant"? Is an assistant allowed to mind a child alone (without the registered CM)?
Sounds an odd set up and YANBU to raise it and insist your dc is properly cared for at the childminders/other mutually agreed suitable location. Not a party for20 year olds!

confusedpixie · 21/08/2012 21:42

If this employee is an assistant, she shouldn't have care of the children without the childminder being present I think?! I also find her behaviour very odd and would be complaining to the lead childminder about it!

letseatgrandma · 21/08/2012 21:46

She told me (not asked) that she'll collect DS from my house (I always drop him off) and will be taking him to a party with her friends (early 20's). I don't know where the house is, but she mentioned a "big dog".

I find it very difficult to believe she told you all this and you didn't say anything at the time!? What did you say to her-'ok, that's fine'?

Happilymarried155 · 21/08/2012 22:36

It doesn't sound like they are following the correct legislation and therefore potentially putting the children they care for at risk, If you feel comfortable I would have a chat with the childminder, or call ofsted.

Hope you get it sorted :) x

cordiality · 22/08/2012 11:15

Did you speak to them this morning OP? I'm dying to hear if your actual childminder knows anything about this! I would be fuming if I were you!

bubalou · 22/08/2012 11:31

I think this sounds very odd and alarm bells would be going off in my head too.

Non of the staff at my DS's nursery would say things like that to me.

As for having him Saturday - No way in hell. She sounds too strange and immature to be looking after him at a supervised nursery let alone by herself!

Would this mean her driving him round too? I would hate DS to be in a car with anyone other than those I trust.

ShiftyFades · 22/08/2012 11:56

This is just so odd. She's definitely overstepping the mark on so many levels. I find it very odd behaviour.
The things she's said to you is a bit "hand that rocks the cradle" spooky and unnerving.
Regardless of her inappropriate proposals for Sat, you need to complain to CM about the, frankly, weird things she's been saying.
Good luck.

stifnstav · 22/08/2012 12:02

Ditto with the Hand That Rocks The Cradle thoughts!

Creeeeeeepy!

Ithinkitsjustme · 22/08/2012 12:06

I'd be speaking to Ofsted about the set up generally, but in the short term I would not be allowing this girl to take my DC to a party. Come on OP - keep us updated Grin

Jelly15 · 22/08/2012 12:50

I am a childminder and other than routine trips (e.g. playground, soft play , library or shops) I get signed permission from the parents and do a new risk assessment if going somewhere different.

I assume your contract is with the CM whose house the minding takes place in. Tell her you donot give permission for the other CM/assisstant to take your DS out of the premissis or indeed you don't want her to be alone with DS at all. Voice your concerns and if they can't work with you I would be giving notice.

letseatgrandma · 22/08/2012 13:25

Did you talk to the childminder, OP? This all sounds very odd. What would worry me is if this assistant just disappeared with my child and when I spoke to the actual childminder-she had no knowledge at all of this arrangement. She sounds like a renegade!

quoteunquote · 22/08/2012 15:01

I would end these child care arrangements, for all the reasons you have listed, and let the nursery owner know why.

anewyear · 22/08/2012 17:03

Another CM here.
Sounds odd to me too.
Did you speak to the main CM, what did she say..?

My 1st and last inspection was Mar 08.
Having had to raise a concern with them and the Safeguarding team in July 11, I really thought theyd be out before now..

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 22/08/2012 17:07

My DCs go to a holiday club and they have to have consent forms signed for the holiday trips they go on.

k2togm1 · 22/08/2012 17:15

No way! I'd talk to the CM (not this employee if her) and express my concerns, but there is no way my ds would be going with anyone on Saturday!

Pastabee · 22/08/2012 17:34

No, just no. I am shocked anyone would think this is acceptable. I would have just explained that this wasn't going to be happening as soon as it was mentioned.

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