Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU about childminder?

66 replies

NoodleBugs · 21/08/2012 19:04

DS (14mo) has been going to a childminder for about 6 months now. It's a very large childminders (almost a small nursery) with the childminder herself, her husband, and 4 staff. I like all the staff, but have reservations about one. She frequently says things like "I bet you're so much happier here than at home" (to DS) and "he hasn't wanted anyone but me all day. I think he likes me more than you" (to me), as well as several other comments about how much DS adores her and how great she is with him. She's also frequently telling me he's done things I know he hasn't (like speaking) and seems very eager to make out that he'll do it for her but not me.

I usually let it go. I'm grateful that DS is happy there (he truly loves it) and I don't think there's any malice. I think she's just a little naive and doesn't think before she speaks. It does bug me though. DS won't be going there much more anyway as I start maternity leave in 4 weeks, and DH is to be a SAHD.

Anyway, today she mentions that DS is the only child on Saturday. Usually when this is the case the childminder herself has him. This week this employee will be having him. She told me (not asked) that she'll collect DS from my house (I always drop him off) and will be taking him to a party with her friends (early 20's). I don't know where the house is, but she mentioned a "big dog".

I have huge reservations but don't know whether it's because I'm uncomfortable with her, or the situation. DS is used to dogs (We have two big dogs) but I don't know this dog, or the dog owner. I also don't feel comfortable with her taking him to a house full of strangers. It feels like she wants to go to the party, but wants to earn a wage while she's there.

WIBU to ask that she doesn't take him to the party and cares for him at the house as usual?

OP posts:

hiviolet · 22/08/2012 17:35

This woman has some boundary issues I think. And taking your son out for the day trancends childcare and becomes "borrowing" doesn't it?

scentednappyhag · 22/08/2012 17:40

Very, very odd- I'd not want my child anywhere near her to be honest, she just doesn't sound... Safe.
What did the CM say?

Original poster

NoodleBugs · 22/08/2012 18:11

Update!

DH spoke to the childminder when he dropped DS off this afternoon. She seemed a little confused, and said she'd look into it but not to worry, as DS wouldn't be going!

I got a very very apologetic phone call half an our later. It seems that assistant had told childminder she would pick DS up on her way in, as she wanted to drop a card in to a friend for her brithday on her way. No mention of a party, dog, etc. Childminder had no idea and was not at all happy.

It's apparantly being dealt with and I don't need to worry. Assistant won't be having him on Saturday. We don't know whether she's still got a job yet, but childminder herself will be having him now. I made it clear that I won't be happy if she's left alone with him in the future and was assured this won't happen.

Very pleased with outcome as DS really is very happy there. He clearly loves going and I would hate to change this, especially as I finish work so soon.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 22/08/2012 18:15

The assistant sounds weird but seems like the childminder is on the ball though and very professional

foolingwithmisskitty · 22/08/2012 19:00

Assistants of childminders are only allowed to look after mindees on childminding premises for exceptional circumstances (such as really bad weather and cm needs to do school run) for a maximum of 2 hours at a time. As a CM myself I would definitely not let an assistant do this.

TheMonster · 22/08/2012 19:02

I'm glad you looked into it.

ShiftyFades · 22/08/2012 19:03

Good news about Saturday OP. have you told CM about the "hand that rocks the cradle" type comments?

letseatgrandma · 22/08/2012 21:05

Glad to hear it! Was the CM suprised?

Original poster

NoodleBugs · 22/08/2012 21:21

Childminder was very suprised! I'll be dropping DS off tomorrow so will have a chance to chat. I'll mention the strange things she says, hopefully in a "just so you know" kind of way, rather than a "I'm worried she's going to steal my baby!!" kind of way. Not too long ago I picked him up and assistand said "I told him mummy was here but he didn't seem bothered. I don't think he wants to come home to you". It's a good job I'm not sensitve!!

CM was very apologetic though and I believe her when she says she didn't know about it. Hopefully it'll all be sorted now.

OP posts:

BagofHolly · 22/08/2012 22:13

OMG! I dint think you need worry at all about seeming overprotective - she sounds at best misguided and at worst unstable! Just wrote a list of all the things she has said that have made you feel slightly uncomfortable and read them to her boss.
It's a good job your boy is so little, I do wonder what terrible things she's saying to him about mummy

ShiftyFades · 22/08/2012 23:00

Hope the chat goes well, do keep us informed of what happens.

I've had chats with nursery staff where DS has been too busy playing to run over when I collect him. They aren't terribly frequent but when it happens me and nursery staff joke about it and I say "I'll
Just leave him here then" etc. it's all in jest and in context.
What you've described certainly seems more than joking and is out of context. At the very least she is insensitive, at worst she's creepy.

Good luck tomorrow

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 23/08/2012 08:35

I am glad to hear that it is half way sorted and that your CM was as professional and supportive as she should be!

I hope tomorrow's chat goes well, too.

LemonBreeland · 23/08/2012 13:45

I think BagofHollys suggestion that you write down the odd things that she has said to you is a good idea. I would just note down comments and say to the CMer that she has been making these comments over (however long the period is), and while individually they are not the worst thing in the world, that there have been many and that they make you uncomfortable.

The CMer should really know about this.

JustFabulous · 23/08/2012 13:57

I used to be a nanny and kept a daily diary of the things the child ate and did that day as well as their naps. I wouldn't have dreamt of writing in that Baby had taken his first steps, said his first word or didn't want to leave my arms to go back to Mum. Usually Mums have their heart strings pulled when they have to leave their child with a stranger while they work so a bit of compassion and common sense is a real necessity.

I would definitely mention the comments to your CM. They are out of order and show the assistant doesn't have the maturity to be caring for children alone.

oldraver · 23/08/2012 15:23

She sounds very immature and almost a case of one upmanship.. your son loves me more than you. Only an insecure person does this which doesnt bode well IMO for her suitability for looking after children. She obviously has issues that I think need bringing to the attention of the owner. This is not the way to speak to parents of children you are looking after she really needs to be told to shut the fuck up

darksecret · 23/08/2012 22:08

That is shocking.

Speak to your childminder and find out if she gave the go ahead on this. Ask her if she's had concerns about this employee. Make it clear you are so troubled by the lack of professionalism that you are seriously considering withdrawing your child.

Then seriously think about withdrawing your child. If you wouldn't trust them with your husband, your bank account and you own well-being, don't trust them with your child.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread