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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don't have to like my MIL just because we are related?

59 replies

littlemisssunny · 20/08/2012 20:50

My husband seems to think I should like my MIL just because I'm related to her!

Don't get me wrong I can be in the same room as her but she drives me bonkers! We are complete opposites and she winds me up the wrong way.

I can just about be polite to her but I find it really difficult to do that sometimes!

Anyway rant over, my FIL on the other hand is lovely, I get on really well with him and we have the same sense of humour so at least that's something!!

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 20/08/2012 20:50

Men marry their mothers Wink

peeriebear · 20/08/2012 20:50

But you're not related to her!

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2012 20:52

They are related by marriage peer

No you don't have to like her and she doesn't have to like you

But it really helps if you can tolerate one another

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 20/08/2012 20:52

YANBU but you do have to be kind and polite! You do not have to like her, but she is your DH's mother and to be horrible about her all the time (if you are, not saying that you are!) then it could only upset him.

I am trying to teach DS that you don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be kind and polite Smile.

Original poster
littlemisssunny · 20/08/2012 20:52

Don't say that DoMeDon I'm going to have to divorce him if that's true!!

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 20/08/2012 20:53

YANBU. I don't particularly like my mil either but then again neither does dh Grin

Itsjustafleshwound · 20/08/2012 20:54

My attitude is that I love my DH and so I have to make pretty with the in laws. A bonus if you like them, but something to have to endure if you don't.

Original poster
littlemisssunny · 20/08/2012 20:55

I am polite and try not to say anything about her in front of him, she prob doesn't like me either but hey ho! But she really rubs me up the wrong way, and I like to think of myself as someone who can get along with most people, even if we are com

OP posts:
TyrannoSoreArse · 20/08/2012 20:55

YANBU. I would quite happily never see mine again. I don't see why the fact that I am in love with her son means I have to like her too. He is wonderful despite her, not because of her.

I still have to pretend though Hmm

Original poster
littlemisssunny · 20/08/2012 20:56

Oops didn't finish!

Even if we are completely different!!

OP posts:
JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 20/08/2012 20:58

I can be in the same room as her but she drives me bonkers!

or, are you intolerant?

Men do marry their mothers, that is very true. But marry a man who respects and treats his mother well because that is how he will treat you.

perfectstorm · 20/08/2012 21:00

  1. You're not related to her; your DH and your kids are related to her. This is why so many people don't get on with their MIL - she has a genetic investment in every other member of the family, and I think often feels pushed out by the fact that her little boy is now a more distant family member when he was once so core to her life and she his, and it's hard to let go. (Not having a dig; I think I'll find that hard, myself. And I am petrified that DS will end up as guarded and distant with me as DH is with her - what a lesson to invest in your relationship with your DH/work/friends/interests, not solely your child!)

  2. I dislike several people I am related to. I don't think it's a guarantee of affection or liking by any stretch of the imagination.

CheesieChippies · 20/08/2012 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheesieChippies · 20/08/2012 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clawdy · 20/08/2012 21:39

How many more "awful MIL" threads can there be.......getting a bit boring now

TyrannoSoreArse · 20/08/2012 21:43

Clawdy here's a thought - don't click on them!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 20/08/2012 21:45

A son's a son till he gets him a wife, a daughters a daughter for all of her life.... hence some tricky MIL relationships.

freddiefrog · 20/08/2012 21:45

I don't particularly like my mother in law either to be honest, but she's DH's mum and my kids grandmother.

She has some annoying habits, drives me up the wall and I wouldnt be bothered if i didnt see her again but I smile, I'm polite, visit for highdays and holidays and ignore her worst excesses and have as little to do with her as I can get away with

bubalou · 20/08/2012 21:59

I could have written this thread!

My MIL and me are complete opposites. I don't get her in ANY way. I can completely respect people with different opinions - I embrace it even - that's why love MN! Smile

But she is ridiculous! Mean, rude, illogical, stuck up, pushy, nasty, 2 faced witch.

Rant over - you have my sympathy. Grin

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 20/08/2012 22:06

No, but as others have said, it would be good if you could tolerate her and be polite. I am in the same boat as freddiefrog and I spend nearly all of my time with my MIL biting my tongue.

Not sure either about men marrying their mother... My DH has three brothers and all 3 of the wives are completely different from each other...

LindyHemming · 20/08/2012 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateHarshPants · 20/08/2012 22:10

YANBU

You don't have to like anyone

You do have to be civil though - until or unless the other person through their words or actions forfeits the right to be treated civilly by you.

But you are under no obligation to like someone. How could you even achieve that? You don't decide to like someone. you either like them or you don't. You can only decide how to treat them.

And it makes no odds whether they are your neighbour, your inlaw or your own mother. It's all the same.

Original poster
littlemisssunny · 20/08/2012 22:19

I am polite and I am civil to her its just a shame she can't be polite or civil to me but that doesnt seem to matter. I feel like a complete outsider in the family, in fact the more I try to fit in the more I seem to fail :(

I am the complete opposite of them and still try to be nice, I know you can't help who you like/don't like, but it would be nice if they could be civil to me, I get on well with all their partners and my FIL, but I am made to feel I should be best friends with my MIL and that I should really like her, I am not nasty about her, but I can't lie and say I really like her!

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 20/08/2012 22:20

I think your obligations to the MIL, unless she is so toxic her presence in your kids' lives is really harmful, are to accept and respect her relationship to your DH, and to foster as much as you can her relationship to your kids.

That's it. The rest is down to chemistry.

HecateHarshPants · 20/08/2012 22:23

love - someone consistently being a bitch to you comes under "forfeits the right to be treated civilly"

Why should you take it? Why should your husband expect you to?