Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think I don't have to like my MIL just because we are related?

59 replies

littlemisssunny · 20/08/2012 20:50

My husband seems to think I should like my MIL just because I'm related to her!

Don't get me wrong I can be in the same room as her but she drives me bonkers! We are complete opposites and she winds me up the wrong way.

I can just about be polite to her but I find it really difficult to do that sometimes!

Anyway rant over, my FIL on the other hand is lovely, I get on really well with him and we have the same sense of humour so at least that's something!!

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 21/08/2012 13:21

Of course you don't. Of course, she doesn't have to like you on much the same basis.

Pandemoniaa · 21/08/2012 14:25

There's a deal of truth in the say that you get to choose your friends. Unlike your family.

Although, as the mother of sons (and someone with a lovely ddil) I do get tired of all the psychobabble about how it will be impossible not to resent one's DIL because of some Oedipal link to our precious sons. It's nonsense.

However, that doesn't mean everyone will automatically have a close relationship with their MIL or become their best friend. I loved my late MIL and miss her very much but my former MIL and I were very different people with very different ideas. We were always civil and polite, however. Even if I did find myself wanting to gaffer tape her mouth up from time to time.

bowerbird · 21/08/2012 15:18

Of course your MIL is family! What a lot of nonsense on this thread that ONLY blood ties = family.

OP I sympathise and of course it would be great if there was instant chemistry and shared sense of humour as with your FIL.

However...

Could you be a bit more generous here? Is it not possible that your MIL has sensed your dislike of her and has reacted accordingly? Why not just make a bit of effort? Invite her out to a movie or lunch or something. Just you two. Be a sweet, loving DIL even if you have to give a command performance. Act as if you did like her. Who knows? You may even find that there are bits of her you actually do like.

Please give it a go. It will make things easier all round, especially for you. And your husband will kiss the ground you walk on.

Original poster

littlemisssunny · 21/08/2012 15:31

I do try to be nice, but as she lives 2 hours away when we see them it' isn't for a couple of hours at a time.

I used to invite her here to stay for a few days when husband is away with work, and tried to take her out etc but she isn't interested, and when we stay at their house I do try to make conversation but she is either engrossed in a book or some tv programme, and if I try to make conversation about what she has been reading or talk about a programm I get no interest or short answers! (After she has finished what she is doing, I don't interrupt her).

Yet if I have the cheek to check my email/fb I'm being rude.

I do try with her but OH doesn't seem to see that, and thinks its me who's not trying hard enough!

I know we are never going to be best friends, but i can only try so hard.

OP posts:

cocolepew · 21/08/2012 15:49

Why should she 'act' as if she likes her? Its a 2 way street.

I dont think some people realise how awful some mils can be, it's very rarely just because you married their son, they were probably a horrible person to start with.

My mum is a mil and she manages to be civil, polite and friendly towards her dil, because that is how she is with everyone.

DizzyKipper · 21/08/2012 16:52

I don't get on fantastically well with either of my in-laws, though I do try. Marrying into the family doesn't suddenly mean you like each and every family member (and being family is different from being related). So long as you're making the effort, being polite and civil, and trying to get on then you're doing about as much as you can do. YANBU.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 21/08/2012 16:56

In response to OP - exactly the same here.
You are not related to her really. :)
My MIL is neurotic and attention seeking. FIL is level headed and funny.
I 'deflowered' (I didn't) and led her youngest and diabetic baby astray and 'made' him have 2 more kids than he wanted..... Funny - I seem to recall him being there and quite up for it at the time of conception..... Nevermind....

AdoraBell · 21/08/2012 17:00

YANBU,

Some of us don't even like the people we grew up, or those who raised us.

I dislike my PILs intensely, but I am civil when we see each other. Which is much more than can be said for them, but that's irrelevant here. If you are being polite towards her then I really don't see how anyone can expect more from you.

perfectstorm · 21/08/2012 17:03

"Although, as the mother of sons (and someone with a lovely ddil) I do get tired of all the psychobabble about how it will be impossible not to resent one's DIL because of some Oedipal link to our precious sons. It's nonsense."

Sorry, but if it were just down to averages and personalities either melding or clashing, then it wouldn't be such a fraught relationship so very, very often. It can be lovely when it does work, sure, but I know very few people who really like their MIL, and many who loathe them. Similarly, I know a lot of people who resent and dislike their DIL. That's not chance. Something is happening.

Flip

1 2 3