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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to make some really good, close friends - but where are they?!

44 replies

VampiresGymAndSciFi · 20/08/2012 19:31

I moved to a new town some years back and was fortunate enough to get to know some really lovely women who became good friends and our dh's and dc's too (I have preschool dc's and one due to start school) but in the last few years they have all moved pretty far away due to work, life changes etc and now, even though I know lots of people, I don't have any really good, close friends and I really miss that. I think I'm a pretty friendly sort of person, I love to socialise, I love having people round etc but so many people I meet seem so cold...

Don't get me wrong, I know friendships take time to develop and I'm not rushing in with a 'be my friend now' kind of approach but it just seems even difficult to find friendly, nice people who want new friends/to get to know new people!

Am I the only one out there feeling like this? Do any of you want to meet and make some close friends that you can confide in, trust, be there for, meet for coffee, have a laugh, go out on the town and get together with your husband/partner and kids?

Why does it seem so hard to make new friends?

If you are in Northants and feel the same as me, give me a shout! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
VampiresGymAndSciFi · 20/08/2012 20:34

Arghh... I can't even get replies on mumsnet?! Sad

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 20/08/2012 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

domesticgodless · 20/08/2012 20:38

Vampires I would have said yes but then noticed Northants! It's a pity we are all so spread out. You sound a lovely lady and just the sort of person I would like to spend time with. I don't like modern coldness either. A lot of people seem to have their DH and that's all they want.

domesticgodless · 20/08/2012 20:38

I am in London, SE if you are ever in area

Daisy17 · 20/08/2012 20:38

Often feel like this, yes, DP and I often feel frustrated by it. No answers, I'm afraid, just wanted you to have a sympathetic reply!

Bubbless · 20/08/2012 20:40

there is another thread just like this at the mo, which i thought was this one!
il link you in :)
(im in that one!!)

other thread

however, im also in your boat. id LOVE to make new friends but its so hard!
it seems everyone in the world has 'all the friends they need' and your left talking to the lovely, but not 'best friend material', granny in the supermarket line...

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 20/08/2012 20:40

I feel the same very often. One of my dearest friends is very popular and so is often seeing this one or that one and may take a week to return a call. Bit of a pain - for me! Smile.

I have decided to join my DS's PTA (or equivalent) at the start of the school year to try to broaden my circle of friends. I really feel that I need to, but it is not easy at my ripe old age!

YANBU at all. It takes time and work and effort and hopefully I will be able to offer all 3 at some or other time!

Peevish · 20/08/2012 20:42

I came home this morning from an NCT coffee morning (London) feeling particularly depressed for exactly this reason. I would love to find some genuine new friendships with other people who have babies, as all of my friends are either childless, have much older children, or live abroad, and I religiously go to coffee mornings, and meet my NCT group, but it's just polite chitchat, and it never goes anywhere. I end up feeling lonelier than if I'd stayed at home.

AmandaLF · 20/08/2012 20:43

Id meet you but I don't even know where northants is!

AmandaLF · 20/08/2012 20:44

Im an hour away from euphemia though

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 20/08/2012 20:45

I know what you mean.

I have some very good, old friends who don't live anywhere nearby. But seeing them is always amazing, just that feeling of being with someone you really click with.

I have met quite a few people since moving here 6 years ago, and handful of them are really, really lovely. The thing I miss though, is having someone you can call and say "fancy a drink tonight" and just go and have a couple of glasses of wine in the pub and a gossip with. I guess having kids changes that as you end up organising things weeks in advance.

I'm actually not far from you, in MK, if you're ever down this way [smile[

downbythewater · 20/08/2012 20:47

Join the preschool committee? I did for that very reason. Get involved with/volunteer at a local school?

fluffyraggies · 20/08/2012 20:47

I'm in Northants Grin

PM me OP.

AnnaFalactic · 20/08/2012 20:47

I'm in Northants! I think/hope I'm a nice person but I'm crap at making friends! PM me if you like :)

PavlovtheCat · 20/08/2012 20:48

Add me to it. I have been feeling like this lately, surrounded by lots of people, but close to none. my good friends and I have drifted into different lives and despite being good friends and loving each other, we are not around each other any more.

I miss chats/wine/going out for a meal/laughing, just shooting the breeze and sometimes putting the world to rights, with the kids or without the kids.

I don't feel very like i am anyone special any more really. not very noticed, not very missed. And I don't know where to start either.

Not in Northants though else I would offer you an evening of Wine Grin

PavlovtheCat · 20/08/2012 20:49

see there! you have two already, you could arrange a northants mn meetup! oooh how exciting for you Grin

Itsjustafleshwound · 20/08/2012 20:50

AllIWant - joining the PTA is usually a sure-fire way to be ignored! Grin

I know that a lot of people swear blind that they met a great group of friends through the NCT, but in all honesty, we had very little in common other than the fact that we had children at the same rime and it became a bit of a contest ...

I wish there was a quickfire and easy way to make good friends, but I haven't found it.

Original poster
VampiresGymAndSciFi · 20/08/2012 20:51

Awww, thanks you lovely ladies you have all made me smile! Domestic - you have described it perfectly...modern coldness is exactly what it is! And, I also find it's 'competitive friendshipping...' I mean that I meet so many people who display the attitude of 'I have MY friends and my best friend's I couldn't possibly have any more! Does that ring a bell for people? It is so depressing. Why can't all you lovely lot live near me? Maybe I just live in a real shitty town full of cold shitty people?!!!! X

OP posts:
Original poster
VampiresGymAndSciFi · 20/08/2012 20:53

Whenyouseeit... You are not that far no, PM if you can? X

Yes, I noticed the other thread about fifteen mins ago and thought 'spooky'!

OP posts:
Original poster
VampiresGymAndSciFi · 20/08/2012 20:55

Oooooo! Oooo! Fluffy and Anna are in Northants! Will pm you both! X

OP posts:
Original poster
VampiresGymAndSciFi · 20/08/2012 20:57

One of the lovely posters on the other thread has set up an fb page - even if we are not all close in distance shall we all join it? X

OP posts:
AnnaFalactic · 20/08/2012 21:04

sounds good to me - is there a link in the thread?

AnnaFalactic · 20/08/2012 21:11

ooh, found it and requested! Hopefully see you on there :)

RubberBullets · 20/08/2012 21:22

I've lived in this area since 2007 and haven't made a single friend. I'm in Cornwall

cheeseandmushroomtoastie · 20/08/2012 21:25

I could have written what the op said, and I'm in Northants!!!!Grin

what's that, a meet up you say?!

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