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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of being called fat?

102 replies

olympicblues · 19/08/2012 13:25

My mum used to be very slim but has thyroid problems and is very overweight (22-24) and feeling bad about it, I am a size 12 - 14.

I keep getting comments about

"Your going like me"
"You need to go to x to loose your weight"
"WE need to do something about this weight"
" We look like two [insert fat insult here]"
Other fat insults.

Its getting me down!

OP posts:
carernotasaint · 19/08/2012 16:55

An obligation? No you dont. You dont have an obligation to anyone OP. Bloody cheek!

carernotasaint · 19/08/2012 16:56

Sorry i meant that last post to Sole Source. (im in a very hot flat and the heat is getting to my brain. i HATE this heat and cant concentrate when its so hot)

oldraver · 19/08/2012 17:11

My Mum is fond of doing this. She is Morbidly Obese Diabetic and has always made it clear NO-ONE is to make any comment about her weight even when stuffing herself with Sticky Toffee pudding and pouring sugar on strawberries not that we ever have anyway. She makes lots of comments about my size 16....she is nearly a 30, some of them jibes..."oh that top doesn't make you look so fat" etc.... SAhe also does a faux concerned "I'm so worried about you"

I now will challenge her everytime and tell her she needs to be worrying about herself. Funnily enough she shuts up and doesn't say it so much...only once this year so far

carernotasaint · 19/08/2012 17:14

oldraver my mum makes the odd comment still. She has lost a lot of weight herself now. But years ago when she was bigger and commenting on my weight and i called her on it she came out with "Well im old so it doesnt matter."

bobbledunk · 19/08/2012 19:23

12/14 is fat unless you're very tall or big boned. Vanity sizing means that in reality you would have been a 16/18 with your current size 15 or 20 years ago. As most people are fat, perception of fat changes but it's still fat even if you're blind to it.

FrauleinF · 19/08/2012 21:11

Was wondering when the first poster would show up and proclaim to all that a size 12 is fat... :S This vanity sizing/people are all fat and used to fat people debate has been done to death and is not really relevant to the problem the OP has. Regardless of the big boned/tall argument, I think you'd have to be about 4 foot tall to be morbidly obese in a 14.

The point of the OP is that a size 12/14 is nowhere near the same in terms of what one looks like/adverse efects to health etc as a size 24 (presumable the mother is a similar height and build to the OP) and that this woman's mother is being unreasonable by lumping her into the same group.

OP YANBU - as many have said you should do what feels right for you, not your mother, or any other poster...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/08/2012 21:18

That is wrong, bobble, sizing isn't standardized.

You go try on a size 12 in, say, Karen Millen or Zara! And then one in East. They are hugely different.

The OP could be big, or she could be a good weight for her height. We can't tell from her OP.

ethelb · 19/08/2012 21:20

FYI I have been a size 12 to 14 at 5'2 and while I WAS overweight my bmi was only 26. Nit hugely unhealthy. Op can't be obese.

featherbag · 19/08/2012 21:21

A 12-14 is not fat, bobbledunk, don't be bloody ridiculous! OP, I second whoever had the idea to tell your mum you've found a local WW/SW meeting which is on at a convenient time for you both, and that you think you should both join, this week. Set your goal at half a stone under what you weigh now and you'll prob be a 12-12 instead of a 12-14, then once you've lost that you can go along free as a gold member and carry on supporting your mum with her weight loss.

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2012 21:57

It's not ridiculous

It depends on the OP's height, build and BMI.

If I were a size 14 I would definitely be fat...and at a 12 I would look 'hefty' and bordering on overweight.

Shelly32 · 19/08/2012 21:59

Snap Worra

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/08/2012 22:00

But there is no such thing as 'a' size 14, worra.

If you shop in places like East, Next etc., size 14 is quite big. If you shop in places like Karen Millen or Zara, it's much smaller.

hmc · 19/08/2012 22:13

I am size 12 (just - a bit of a muffin in jeans!) and 5 ft 9. Bmi is 25.3 so just tipped over into overweight category and tbh I could do with shifting 10 lbs. I'm no fine boned delicate build either - medium to large frame with size 8 feet etc. dont have body dysmorphia either - I can recognise a wee bit of back fat on myself. So would reluctantly agree that size 12 whilst not an unhealthy weight can be a little over weight

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2012 22:14

That's true LRD, that's why I don't think people on the internet can say a size 12/14 is not fat.

There's too much to take into consideration all round really.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/08/2012 22:17

Yeah, I agree, I think we can't say one way or another.

FutTheShuckUp · 19/08/2012 22:19

Worra a 12-14 is nowhere near fat. I've no idea why you always seem to project your own issues onto other people?
Just because you wouldn't feel as slim as you would like at that size does not mean someone who is happy is 'fat' or 'hefty' FFS. No wonder girls/women have such issues with body image in this country

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2012 22:21

Fut

Please read this carefully.......

I. personally. me absolutely would be fat at a size 14 and at a size 12 I personally would be 'hefty' and heading into overweight.

That's not a projection, there are no 'issues'. I am not speaking for anyone else in this country or anywhere else for that matter.

But it is a FACT about me

FutTheShuckUp · 19/08/2012 22:23

It's not a fact at all- you feel you would be fat- that does not mean you would be. Many anorexics at five stone believe they are fat- that does not mean it is so

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2012 22:25

Oh behave yourself!

This is my body. You don't know me, you have no idea what my height, my frame or my BMI is.

So please take your own issues elsewhere and stop telling me what I do and don't feel.

It's a bit pathetic don't you think?

FutTheShuckUp · 19/08/2012 22:26

I've seen you pop up on several weight related threads Worra trying to degrade other people's weight insisting a size 12 can be fat, the OP has stated she is not fat and is happy as she is- why the hell make such nasty comments causing people who are happy to doubt themselves?

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2012 22:29

In that case if you're reading my perfectly rational messages as trying to degrade other people's weight...and if you're reading this thread and imagining I have insisted anywhere that the OP is fat, I suggest you really do have your own issues here.

They're clearly clouding your ability to read and digest....

FutTheShuckUp · 19/08/2012 22:32

Look- this is a thread from a woman of a certain size who is happy at that size and does NOT feel fat and you want to make snippy comments implying yes a woman of that size could be fat. Your issues clearly as you are projecting the fact you think you are 'hefty' at that size

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2012 22:35

Of course a woman of that size can be fat...that's my whole point!

I'm not saying the OP is fat. I'm correcting the person who said 12/14 is not fat without having a clue what height, frame or BMI the OP is.

And I'm clearly stating the fact that I would be/have been 'hefty' at a size 12 because that was heading into overweight for me personally.

But of course you know far more about me than I do Hmm

FutTheShuckUp · 19/08/2012 22:38

To be honest Worra you sound like a male chauvinist pig. Shame on you branding other women who wear smaller dress sizes as 'fat'. No wonder women in this country struggle so much with body image

SrirachaGirl · 19/08/2012 22:39

Meh...we're all fat. Anything above borderline-emaciated is overweight if you really think about it Smile. We were meant to be foraging for berries, hunting and killing our own protein and spending most of the day walking/outrunning predators. Be healthy, be active, have energy. That's all that matters at then end of the day...not what shape you are.