To ask DP to give up sport?

[Woopdiedoo]

I don't know if I am being reasonable or not hear, I am genuinely wanting opinions on this.

I have been with DP for 11 years and when I met him he played cricket. Since then he has played most years but not every year. When we had the DCs he didn't play for a few years. But he resumed this year without discussing it with me.

My problem is that the season starts in march (with training or netting as they call it) and doesn't finish until September. He plays every Saturday without fail. It starts at about lunchtime and goes on all day. Another problem I have is that often if the game finishes at say 7 or 8 giving him enough time to come home and help put the DCs to bed, he will stay for 'a drink'. More often than not, one drink ends up with him stating out all night and not returning home until 2 or 3 in the morning. Like tonight for example. I am seething as I've had the DCs all day on my own (he had to work this morning) and now he isn't even answering his phone .

We have argued ALOT over this. I don't feel like it is fair on any of us. I absolutely hate weekends as inevitably I am left to entertain the DCs with no help. I am a SAHM but during the week I can take the DCs to free groups. There is nothing like this on the weekends. Plus we can't have family days out as every weekend is taken up by cricket.

Every weekend I end up telling him I can't do it anymore and that I want him to quit but he talks me round. I know he works hard during the week and he says he needs time to do something for himself and see friends plus there's the exercise argument (largely negated by the drinking) . He often argues that as he played when we met I should expect him to keep playing, but I feel that things do and should change once you have DCs (they certainly have hit me!). Incidentally, my social life is impacted too because I can't see my friends until he comes home to watch the DCs (at about 8 in the evening).

He wants to play again next year but I think he is being unfair. Or AIBU to expect him to give up his sport which he loves?

woop can you tell I'm from yorkshire?

Actually, now you mention it, he doesn't have them on his own for more than a few hours. I have sworn to myself that this year I will go more for myself and let him have the DCs more.

Nightsky - you are too well informed to be from anywhere else .

To add insult to injury, there is no wine in the house. I should just leave the bastard shouldn't I ?

It might be boring watching cricket, but your DC would probably love going to see Dad, he'd appreciate you going and he's much less likely to stay behind to go drinking if you're there at the end. You don't have to go every week, but isn't it nice to try and be interested sometimes?

Noooo.. go to cricket. Lie around sunbathing.

I used to love it when I was a yorkshire cricketers OH.

I quite miss it now I'm married to a soft southerner

He is being completely unreasonable.

My DH plays a sport to which he is devoted and at which he's very good (it's niche and amateur but he plays at international level). Before we met it was his life.

Now - it's a compromise and regularly negotiated. It's season at the moment and he's played all afternoon today and all morning tomorrow, but he didn't stay for drinks, he came home to put DS to bed. He missed the world championships this year even though they were being held in his home country, near his parents house. We're expecting DC2 next year and he understands that this means he won't really be able to play much next season.

I love that he has a passion and he's a moody bugger when he doesn't get enough exercise but if I felt he was taking the piss like your DH, or that my needs were seen as being irrelevant, I would be livid.

So I would say YABU to expect him to give up something he did when you got together, and is important to him, however the time should be reciprocated so you are free to spend time with your friends, on sundays or weekday evenings or whatever.

So I would say yes YABU to ask him to give up, but YANBU to expect a compromise that gives you similar amounts of free time.

and remember OP... only 2 men are out there batting at any given time, which leaves 9 for you to flirt and socialise with.

Cricket is not exercise. He is standing around holding a Bat the whole day, then get drunk for hours.

He might as well volunteer at an animal sanctuary, looking after Real Nocturnals'.

YANBU

He is selfish and I don't get the posters who make light of it and tell you to socialise with the people at the club or flirt or sunbathe.

That's great if you get on with them. But seeing as you don't it's fatuous.

No idea how you can solve this but you have my sympathies.

Thank you everyone for the replies. I think we definitely need to have a serious chat and I will consider going to support him as much as it pains me.

Nightsky, if only there was any talent there, I might be inclined to go then . I have been in the past but I have found the WAGs to be a quite cliquey and uninviting.

at quintessential. I have tried this argument with different analogy. He reckons its hard work .

TBH, I think he only plays so he can drink. Really sad I know.

YANBU....that would pee me off OP.
He should at least give the drinks a miss To come home and have Family time. Definitely good idea to go watch....and then u can drag him home after

I don't think any partner should ask another to give up a sport but usually you're talking a couple of hours at something...maybe 4/5 depending on the sport. Cricket matches do drag on but as another has posted they are often cancelled so it shouldn't be every saturday and he doesn't have to play every one.

Most fathers reduce their commitment.

He certainly doesn't have to attend the clubhouse post match - yes it's a nice part of socialising but he's married with kids. Either you go as well or he considers what it's doing to his marriage?

Personally I'd tell him (non negotiable) that he can play cricket but you are going to have a whole day out for every single one of his. Think of something/anything and bloody well do it! I'd go to a national trust property and then onto a nice town for an evening stroll/drink and a meal. I'd renew my friendships and organise a night out and stay as late as possible. Let him experience it.

I'd be a wee bit tempted to find a hobby that meant I'd need to up sharp sunday morning, leaving him with the DC. Check if your local pool opens at 7am or something.

I am dubious about how he manages to play so often given the appalling weather we've been having. I think often the match is played elsewhere so they stay in case the weather improves (drinking most likely) and the game restarts.

Oh god, ive just realised the end of season night out is looming - he hasn't mentioned it yet. FFS!!!

I hadn't even considered playing him at his own game and taking a full day to myself. I might take up wine tasting .

Or compromise. I'll watch him play cricket if he comes to salsa lessons with me. I already know how that suggestion will be received!

And now the season ends, you tell him YOU will spend all Saturday doing your own thing until March. Leave him with the kids a few Saturdays, and see how it goes....

What Quint says - make every saturday yours till March.

I'm sorry but with a MN registration number I'm compelled to say it OP do you know if he's actually at the cricket all the time he says he is?

You should have as much child-free, chore-free time for leisure as he does. End of. You are not his servant and he is not the only person in the family who matters.