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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be dreading to the point of tears this hen weekend...

92 replies

theonlynonblonde · 18/08/2012 21:41

I'm going to a hen w/e of a friend in the next couple of weeks. Even though i only know 2 of the 20 people going, even though it's in the arse-end of nowhere, EVEN THOUGH i come out in hives at the thought of hen party games, i was willing to go and damn well enjoy myself

However, to compound the general misery of this hen weekend, it has been announced that there will be a fancy dress theme to our outing to the only club in Shitsville, the nearest place to our hotel. The theme is "all-American cheerleader" and i am absolutely dreading it. At present i'm a size 16-18 and as i said above, not the most outgoing.

AIBU to totally dread this to the point that i've been in tears over the thought of having to get dressed up and go. and AIBU to think that people who invent these fancy dress codes are just sadistic buggers?!

OP posts:

Quodlibet · 19/08/2012 11:32

Christ on a bike the OP is being asked to wave some pompoms, not sacrifice her firstborn child. I think it's being blown out of all proportion. If the OP doesn't want to go because she would feel too self conscious, that's her choice, but why should the hen/bride be made to feel guilty because an adult woman has got worked up about a fancy dress theme? It's really really really not worth taking that seriously.

LeafySuburbs · 19/08/2012 11:38

Poms poms
Top in same colour as pom poms - maybe cut a letter out and attach to t-shirt?
Jeans/trousers
Hair in high ponytail/buy fake ponytail from Clare's.
Lots of make up.

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 19/08/2012 11:38

£150 is a LOT of money.

If you bought something for that much you'd expect to know what you were getting in advance, you'd get your money back.

This is the point, because money was exchanged before hand then stuff the hen's feelings as she's not thought about anyone else's. Her fault. Her mess.

merrymouse · 19/08/2012 11:41

How close are you to the person getting married? What will the rest of the w/e be like? (Most of it is going to be spent outside this club presumably) To be honest, I think it could have been much, much worse than pompoms. I have been to very few hen parties that don't involve a dodgy club at some point (which so isn't my thing), but I always enjoy them as they are a chance to catch up with old friends and meet some new people.

However, once you have paid for drinks, a meal out etc. etc. the cost is likely to be considerably more than £150. I think whether you want to invest more money in something that you would never choose to do in a million years by yourself depends on your relationship with the bride and the 2 people you know who are already going.

DaPrincessBride · 19/08/2012 11:46

It's £150 you've paid now, by the end of the weekend you will have paid for food, drinks, meals out, night out - probably at least another £100. So that is worth bearing in mind if money is an issue. Is the hen a very good friend?

It might actually be a lovely weekend, I've been to hen do's like you have described and they have been great - if you're in the middle of nowhere it is very easy to sneak off in the morning for a little peace and quiet!

lalaloopylou · 19/08/2012 11:47

I would say go and dress up but maybe put some tights or leggings with the costume or a long sleeved top depending on what you are self conscious about
If everyone else is dressing up you will end up feeling left out and if you're going out of town chances are you won't see anybody you know anyway
Out of the 20 women are you the only size 16? I doubt you ate th only one who's not thrilled at the prospect of dressing up
You might not enjoy it but is guess that it's not going to be any worse than you are already thinking and you might even have a good time

Makingmama · 19/08/2012 11:55

I couldn't imagine anything worse. Don't go!

flyoverthehill · 19/08/2012 13:30

if your friend is reading this you may just get uninvited ! So you have to go, but I bet she doesn't actually realise how you feel.

Bumblebee333 · 19/08/2012 20:39

Have you spoken to the bride? When i was planning my hen do which was originally a spa day and night out, a friend of mine messaged me saying she would be mortified about being around 'my skinny mates' in a cossie. I changed my entire plan to something else because i love my mate and wouldn't want to make her feel awkward. She didn't end up coming in the end but at least i knew it wasn't because of that.

See what she says. As Quodlibet says it might not even be her idea.

Plus cheer leaders is a very look at me fancy dress option. Like 'sexy nurse' or whatever.

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 20/08/2012 06:29

HmmThinking, exactly! 'Instead, she's not thought AT ALL. She's just expecting others to put themselves into a situation they feel incredibly self conscious about. That IS selfish and inconsiderate. Its not about "i'll make them have fancy dress cackle cackle". Its about having enough empathy, understanding and awareness of other people and the fact that fancy dress isn't everyones cup of tea.' Indeed. I may be in the minority here, but I really do not understand why an adult needs to have a group of fully grown women dressed up in costumes in order to have a good night. Surely it would be just as fun a night (probably more so, as all of the participants would feel comfortable) if all of the women could wear their own clothes.

GhostShip, I really do not want to hone in on your posts, or harangue you, but I have to respond to this 'Maybe I'm just really good at putting others needs before my own'. I don't doubt that you are. I, however am also good at this. Which is why I would never expect any friends of mine (or my sister's) to make themselves uncomfortable or unhappy to fulfill some hen night fantasy.

pigletmania · 20/08/2012 07:22

I would go and enjoy. Wear what you feel comfortable in get a coup,e of Pom poms, get a American type t shirt from the bay and enjoy

fatlazymummy · 20/08/2012 09:08

For goodness sake, there's a whole lot more to 'being a supportive friend' than wearing a silly costume on a hen night. I agree with shadows, not everyone feels comfortable in this kind of situation.

Morloth · 20/08/2012 09:16

Right, it sounds like hell and I would just not go.

If you feel you have to however, how about a retro outfit? 1950s(ish)

emblosion · 20/08/2012 09:43

Sue Sylvester (from glee) was a good suggestion up the thread, tracksuit, whistle, megaphone. Or just go and don't dress up. Or don't go.

Why anyone over the age of 20 would want to dress as a cheerleader is beyond me, I hate that kind of thing

gettingeasier · 20/08/2012 09:52

As an aside why do people start a thread and 2 days later 4 pages in not post again , I've seen this happen loads of times

EddieIzzardIsMine · 20/08/2012 10:15

Maybe a top like this?

And some nice jeans/skirt and a pair of heels, you'll be doing the theme without looking like a tit....

NellyBluth · 20/08/2012 10:50

I know, getting. Irritates Confuses me. If the OP has got a flaming then that is one thing, but the OP hasn't had a flaming here...

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