Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading to the point of tears this hen weekend...

92 replies

theonlynonblonde · 18/08/2012 21:41

I'm going to a hen w/e of a friend in the next couple of weeks. Even though i only know 2 of the 20 people going, even though it's in the arse-end of nowhere, EVEN THOUGH i come out in hives at the thought of hen party games, i was willing to go and damn well enjoy myself Smile

However, to compound the general misery of this hen weekend, it has been announced that there will be a fancy dress theme to our outing to the only club in Shitsville, the nearest place to our hotel. The theme is "all-American cheerleader" and i am absolutely dreading it. At present i'm a size 16-18 and as i said above, not the most outgoing.

AIBU to totally dread this to the point that i've been in tears over the thought of having to get dressed up and go. and AIBU to think that people who invent these fancy dress codes are just sadistic buggers?!

OP posts:
cybbo · 19/08/2012 02:26

I say yes to stuff, then dread it and try to think of any reason not to go. But Go, you will prob enjoy yourself

And just take pom poms with your normal outfit

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 19/08/2012 02:54

OP, I would go, as you have already paid for it, and you probably will have a good night. Don't dress up though, if you don't want to. It isn't mandatory, and if you will be miserable, then whats the point? Personally, I hate hen parties, but have gone to a few, for people that I really care about. I have, however, refused to wear L-plates, sashes, or bobblehead willies. I'm sure your friend would not want you to have an awful night.

GhostShip, really? So the bride to be should make her friends feel like shit to fulfill her idea of a 'good night'. I'd never do that to any friends of mine. We are currently planning my sister's hen, and she really doesn't care what we do, so long as it is not too far from the city that she lives in (as most of her buddies have babies and won't want to / can't afford to travel too far), and that there is no bobblehead willy element (as her friends would hate that). This is because she loves her buddies, and wants them to have a lovely night. Not be made to feel miserable by being forced into something that makes them unhappy.

PathOfLeastResitance · 19/08/2012 07:58

Just say you didn't get the message about the fancy dress.

Fireandashes · 19/08/2012 08:00

Buy a cowboy hat, a stuffed toy dog, put the latter on a lead and refer to it in a Texan drawl as "Cheer". Bingo - All-American cheerleader.

fatlazymummy · 19/08/2012 09:03

In this situation I would probably go but I certainly wouldn't dress up in any costume, or wear any flashing willies or similar crap.
If the bride insisted on everyone wearing fancy dress then I wouldn't attend.

GhostShip · 19/08/2012 10:20

shadow you're assuming that the brides intentions are to make her friends feel like 'shit'. She probably has no idea how the OP feels! She thinks she's planned a fun night, it's might be for her and the other women. Just because one person is grumbling and not up for it doesn't mean the bride doesn't 'love her buddies'. How silly to assume.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 19/08/2012 10:23

YANBU. I cannot understand the ridiculous cost that goes into hen weekends nowadays. What a load of crap.

The outfits chosen are horrendous. If you really do not want to go, OP (and I certainly would not!), then just pull a sickie as has been suggested, write off the £150 and don't make the same mistake again.

GhostShip · 19/08/2012 10:25

Some really great supportive friends in this thread Hmm

KenLeeeeeee · 19/08/2012 10:31

YANBU, I pulled out of my SIL's hen do after having paid almost £100 for it because I was dreading being stuck in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, 37 weeks pregnant and surrounded by drunk people!

If you don't want to go, don't go. Make your apologies to the bride (she will still have an amazing time anyway!) and take the pressure off yourself.

I'm a 16 - 18 too and my heart would sink at the idea of dressing up as a cheerleader. I would love to dress as Sue Sylvester though!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2012 10:32

Why not go as a football player instead? Cheerleaders need something to cheer, no? Or go as the 'coach'?

I agree that sometimes, a dreaded event can turn out to be fantastic and one that you'll always remember. If you really don't want to go though, you needn't, but counsel yourself to write it off beforehand so that you don't carry 'baggage' and regrets around with you.

notnowImreading · 19/08/2012 10:34

I third the Sue Sylvester costume idea, but you MUST have a megaphone! Learn some catchphrases such as 'you think this is hard? I'm passing a kidney stone - that's hard!' or any other insults you can think of. She shouts at the cheerleaders so you can, in character of course, shout at the others and call they 'pathetic whiny babies' and so forth to relieve your feelings and everyone will think you're hilarious. Grin

Seriously, if you're feeling under confident, dressing as someone who is supposed to be a proper grown up, even if she is a monster, had got to be better than pretending to be a nubile teenager and hating it. Go over the top to hide your dread - fake it to make it, as gits confidence coaches say. Try and have a good time. It might not be as bad as you think.

ellaballoo · 19/08/2012 10:34

I am 40,size 18 and a cheerleader...I don't wear a cheerleading outfit though...just wear something a stars and stripes/sparkly top,put a bow in your hair,wave some poms and drink lots of vodka :)

Quodlibet · 19/08/2012 10:42

I'm with Ghostship on this one. This night out is only one night of the weekend. OK you only know 2 people and that is daunting in advance, but I'm sure your friend is friends with the 18 you don't know for a reason, and you'll probably find yourself surrounded by some lovely, funny women who are all making a big effort to get to know each other better (which surely is one of the points of a hen weekend after all - so the bride's friends form closer bonds).
I imagine the cheerleader theme is so that you can all cheer the bride (who will be the one at the centre of any attention), NOT an evil ploy designed to make you feel shit. You're going to a cheesy club in the middle of nowhere, where no one you know will judge you collectively for letting your hair down and making the most of it all. There's two ways through situations like this - nurture your grudges/reservations/insecurities and have a horrendous night, or give yourself permission to enjoy something and look for the positive elements, which usually turns out to mean having a lot of fun in my experience.

Don't let this costume malarkey get your knickers in a twist. Get some pompoms but otherwise do it on your terms, and take the opportunity to enjoy yourself.

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 19/08/2012 10:43

If the hen is organising a do thats going to make her guests feel uncomfortable then she quite frankly a selfish, insensitive bitch.

Note my big point here: she might be the centre of attention but who she invites are still her guests.

So if she decides to have a ridiculous theme, which involves fancy dress, its only polite to check that everyone is ok with this BEFORE they cough up money. Fancy dress is always a sensitive thing that not everyone is happy with, so its not unreasonable or difficult to warn people.

Hen needs telling. Sod it if she gets upset; its now mess of her own making to resolve in a way that those who are invited feel happy - because they have parted with cash without being properly informed.

Make it clear you would not have agreed to come if you had been told properly.

If friend doesn't get it, and why you are upset, she's not much of a friend to be perfectly honest.

SmellsLikeWhiteSpirit · 19/08/2012 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhostShip · 19/08/2012 10:50

hmmthinking a selfish insensitive bitch? What a fucking joke. No she's a woman who's soon to be wed who's obviously putting thought into planning fun things for her and her friends to do on her hen night.
The hen needs 'telling', gobsmacked at that. How entitled!
My friends night was nearly ruined by people wanting things their way and not wanting to go along with what the hen had planned. It's ONE NIGHT and meant to be special for the bride, it's her night and people should respect that.
Like I said the night planned isn't really my idea of fun, but I'd suck it up and try to have fun anyway and give the hen one hell of a night.

OP if you don't want to go, don't go. But don't 'tell' the bride. That'd be a disgrace.

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 19/08/2012 10:55

Ghostship, just because shes the bride isn't a free license to suddenly be the centre of the entire world and not consider others. Its not rocket science to work out this might be a problem for some people.

Its not a joke, what is a joke is the bride not having a brain cell and not bothering to tell her guests what they are being invited to properly.

GhostShip · 19/08/2012 10:58

The bride doesn't know that people aren't okay with it though. Shes hardly going to have gone 'ah I know let's be a right bitch and make them wear fancy dress cackle cackle'. She's probably that wrapped up with the wedding planning and hen do planning it hasn't occured to her that it isn't fun for some people.

Maybe I'm just really good at putting others needs before my own. Hmm

Birdsgottafly · 19/08/2012 11:05

You should put out details of the night from the start and then others can decide if they don't want to go, especially if money had to be paid first.

All the OP had to do was be honest and ask if it would be ok if she turned up wearning her clothes but with pom poms.

Personally i would rather and i'm sure most would, that those that aren't going to make a night of it and join in, stayed away.

That includes people who turn up to fancy dress parties wearning their own clothes.

It wouldn't occur to some people that someone wouls be 'in tears' just because they are asked to wave pom poms on a night out. If there is a big enough group going, there is 20 people going, the OP isn't going to stand out, she should work on calming herself down and getting on with it.

Once agin Sambuca shots are the way to go (the night will pass in a blur).

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 19/08/2012 11:05

Not hard to go

"This is what I'm planning, you are invited."

IN ADVANCE

Then let people make up their mind if they want to attend.

Instead, she's not thought AT ALL. She's just expecting others to put themselves into a situation they feel incredibly self conscious about. That IS selfish and inconsiderate. Its not about "i'll make them have fancy dress cackle cackle". Its about having enough empathy, understanding and awareness of other people and the fact that fancy dress isn't everyones cup of tea.

As for "I'm just really good at putting others needs before my own", maybe you just lack empathy about how things affect and bother others to a much greater extent. Have a Biscuit for being the 'perfect' friend.

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2012 11:05

I just wouldn't go. Okay, you lose £150 but you've lost that anyway, haven't you?

avivabeaver · 19/08/2012 11:11

I would go, with pom poms and just breezily say- "oh, i don't do fancy dress- but you all look fab- let me get a photo"

as a grown up- i do the bits i enjoy and don't expect others to judge,any more than i would judge them.

greenplastictrees · 19/08/2012 11:14

I'd go dressed as myself and buy some Pom poms as a token gesture. Nothing wrong with that and if it was me organising it is understand that fancy dress isn't everyone's cup of tea. Sounds like my idea of hell! I hope you do manage to enjoy yourself though.

Quodlibet · 19/08/2012 11:26

I would imagine anyway it's not the bride who's come up with this theme but the chief hen anyway?

HmmThinkingAboutIt · 19/08/2012 11:28

If its the chief hen, then going to the bride and telling her its not good, is fair game then. Bride should also take responsibility though and question it. Her guests - her responsibility.

Swipe left for the next trending thread