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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want an actual holiday?

103 replies

Babylon1 · 17/08/2012 22:09

8 years ago I bought DH a camper van for his birthday. I was pregnant with DD1 at the time and it was really exciting - our own little van on wheels.

Fast forward 8 years, and though I still love our little van, our family has grown and trips are not exciting any more, they are an absolute fucking chore Sad

We've just spent 3 nights (should have been 7) in Cornwall on a basic campsite at Praa Sands. Been to the campsite loads of times, we like basic and don't go in for the big organised sites - give us a field with a shower/toilet facility and we're good.

Weather was OK first couple of days, got in the sea, on the beach etc, but on day 3 the weather changed, it was awful. So instead of me sleeping in van with DS (4mo) and DD2 (3yo), there was also DH and DD1 (7yo) in a very small space.

DS is EBF and still wakes at least once a night to be fed which was a problem in itself, everyone got disturbed, and basically i got so stressed with it all, I ended up having a meltdown at 2am and sitting in the passenger seat crying my eyes out Sad

When we got home and were unloading the van, I casually mentioned to DH that next year I'd like to do something different than camping, I'd like to go on a plane to somewhere hot and sunny in a hotel; where someone cooks and cleans for me for two weeks, and the biggest jobs I have to tackle are dressing the DCs and applying suncream regularly.

Well I might as well have suggested we burn the van, the reaction I got Sad

Apparently i'm being selfish to impose my 'needs' on the rest of the family and i should consider more what he would like to do for his holidays Shock

I'm seriously considering going to the travel agent tomorrow and booking a break for me and the DCs next year. If DH wants to join us then he can, but otherwise I'll go on my own with the children.

I wouldn't mind so much, but my 3 nights in wet Cornwall was my main and only holiday this year. No weekends away, no mini breaks, nothing. DH has alreay had a lads weekend away, a week away with school PGL trip, a trip to Scotland with DD1 on his motorbike, and still has another PGL week in September and a lads weekend in October to look forward to.......

I just want really really need a proper holiday.

Sorry that was so long.

OP posts:
BlackandGold · 17/08/2012 22:12

Sounds as though you ought to be booking a break just for yourself!

Doesn't seem like a fair division of labour holidays....

JumpingThroughHoops · 17/08/2012 22:14

Do you mean like Scooby Doo van??

OMG I would love to have Scooby Doo holidays!

Groovee · 17/08/2012 22:17

I'd book yourself in for a long relaxing weekend with complete silence.

Original poster
Babylon1 · 17/08/2012 22:17

It is a scooby doo van yes!!!

OP posts:
BrianButterfield · 17/08/2012 22:19

No, you should definitely go away in the camper van...on your own! (OK, you might have to take the baby, but that's not so bad).

Bathsheba · 17/08/2012 22:19

We camp.

In rain invariably.

With 3 children, from 8 to 5 to 2.

This year I came home from 9 days away at the beginning of July exhausted and suffering from at least 3 different stress related illnesses which have finally reversed after 5 weeks.

I have had 2 courses of antibiotics and 1 course of steroids as a direct result of infections gained due to stress and conditions on this holiday.

My DH will neither listen nor empathise at all with the fact this is not a holiday for me.

calamityalice · 17/08/2012 22:21

as someone who hasn't even had a week off work this year - I'd love to go in the campervan so please swap with me.

zookeeper · 17/08/2012 22:21

I can't imagine how you would think being with three dcs in a van whatever the weather, would be a holiday, especially for you as their mum.

AgentZigzag · 17/08/2012 22:25

We had the offer of a VW van for a while and I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a plastic spoon than pretend to enjoy the experience.

A holiday is supposed to be comfortable and relaxing, you sitting having a drink while you watch the children play nicely (HA! fat chance), but you need the environment to be in place to have a chance of it happening and a camper van isn't it.

I know there are some weirdos people who revel in the great cold wet outdoors, but if you're not it's like hell on earth.

If he's saying you're selfish then he has to admit that he is being the same, you need to find a compromise, the camper can't be the only types of holiday he'd like surely?

MsNobodyAgain · 17/08/2012 22:25

SSDP (Same shit, different place), but harder.

You need a proper holiday.

RubyFakeNails · 17/08/2012 22:26

Book something for this year. Why does he get all that and you get 3 shit days you didn't enjoy.

Personally I haven't been camping since 13 and will not be going again so I empathise.

I think you should draw it up. Make a list of all his holidays on one side and your 3 days on another, surely he can't argue that it's totally unfair.

You can get a cheap sun holiday before the end of the year.

ilovesooty · 17/08/2012 22:31

While I sympathise: are these school trips ones where he has responsibility for pupils? If so I don't think you can really consider those as holidays.

defineme · 17/08/2012 22:31

That's quite a lot of lads weekends for someone with a tiny baby...Hmm

Is there anywhere you can go for a weekend just with your baby to get a break in the short term? Friend's/parents/hotel?
I'm sure your dh will be fine with the kids as you are all the time.

Perhaps if you did a graph showing your dh how many breaks he's had from his daily grind of work and/or family and then how many you've had he'd appreciate your point of view.
Camping is just the same old shit in a more beautiful place (hopefully) if you're a breastfeeding sahm-it is not a holiday from anything but your house and some things are more difficult.

I would book that holiday.

HumphreyCobbler · 17/08/2012 22:32

how can he accuse you of selfishness when he gets so many trips away and you get nothing? When all your holidays to date have been his choice, how DARE he say you need to take his needs into account.

He sounds like a selfish twunt.

CaliforniaLeaving · 17/08/2012 22:32

I went camping once and have never tried it again.
You have done what he wants for the last 8 years, when do you get a turn?

JumpingThroughHoops · 17/08/2012 22:33

O>>>M>>>>G ............. A Scooby Doo van ... cant you just up sticks and keep driving - all over Europe then through Indian and china?

AgentZigzag · 17/08/2012 22:35

'SSDP (Same shit, different place), but harder.'

That sums is up perfectly Grin

defineme · 17/08/2012 22:36

Depends on the school trip-my dh goes with older kids and always gets a full nights sleep and doesn't do any paperwork/cooking/cleaning for 5 days-sounds like something the op would enjoy.

caramelwaffle · 17/08/2012 22:41

You have a 4 month old, 3 year old and a 7 year old (plus two adults) and do that?

Hats off to you.

You need three long weekends away in the next twelve months (Only You) and a catered holiday as you describe for all of you.

Have some nice times.

hermionestranger · 17/08/2012 22:42

I hear you OP. We bought a caravan for lots of lovely holidays away. We cancelled our week in Cornwall after the disastrous week at whit in Scotland. Shit weather, suspected appendicitis ds1, d&v ds1 & 2 and me and the rear end shunt the Monday before we left.

I cant face it anymore and have booked us a proper expensive holiday for next year. Dh agrees as it was the worst week away we've ever had. Your dh sounds a selfish git and you should just book a holiday for you and the dc.

heather1 · 17/08/2012 22:42

Maybe next year the usual holiday should take place, but you stay at home and your DH can do all the work. Im thinking he might come back with a different attitude to the holiday. Failing that what about taking turns each year to decide what kind of holiday you go on as a family. It does sound like he has a little too many "mini breaks" to me. A weekend away for you might be just what you, and him need.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/08/2012 22:44

Keep going on the van holidays, but have a proper holiday too.

BrianButterfield · 17/08/2012 22:46

I've been on school trips with 18-year-olds who slept in and worked all day (it was a trip to do coursework away from distractions). We took them to the pub in the evenings. But it was still definitely, under no stretch of the imagination, a holiday.

Original poster
Babylon1 · 17/08/2012 22:48

Ok just to be clear, I do enjoy the van and camping trips. Last year we did a fabulous month long European trip taking in France via the Alps and Spain via the Pyrenees, we went to St Tropez and Disneyland Paris and had a great time.

The weather was amazing, and we only had two DCs then (came back pregnant with third Blush )!

But as others have said it is same shit, different (nicer) location - but invariably I end up with a bad back from cooking over a little gas stove, broken nails from handwashing the clothes (we have to travel light) and generally more knackered than when we set off Sad

Just once I want a holiday where someone else does it, and I can focus on playing in the pool/on the beach with my DCs and DH.

The weeks away with school are with responsibility for pupils but DH has volunteered to go. He gets all his meals cooked etc, is with year6 pupils who are pretty self sufficient and he's doing liars of activities that he would normally pay through the nose for if he were to go to an outward bound centre and book them.

So actually I do get the point about being responsible for some pupils, but he REALLY has a great time and enjoys these PGL trips.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 17/08/2012 22:49

Camping is for refugees.

Find a nice hotel somewhere hot you can fly to.