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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want an actual holiday?

103 replies

Babylon1 · 17/08/2012 22:09

8 years ago I bought DH a camper van for his birthday. I was pregnant with DD1 at the time and it was really exciting - our own little van on wheels.

Fast forward 8 years, and though I still love our little van, our family has grown and trips are not exciting any more, they are an absolute fucking chore Sad

We've just spent 3 nights (should have been 7) in Cornwall on a basic campsite at Praa Sands. Been to the campsite loads of times, we like basic and don't go in for the big organised sites - give us a field with a shower/toilet facility and we're good.

Weather was OK first couple of days, got in the sea, on the beach etc, but on day 3 the weather changed, it was awful. So instead of me sleeping in van with DS (4mo) and DD2 (3yo), there was also DH and DD1 (7yo) in a very small space.

DS is EBF and still wakes at least once a night to be fed which was a problem in itself, everyone got disturbed, and basically i got so stressed with it all, I ended up having a meltdown at 2am and sitting in the passenger seat crying my eyes out Sad

When we got home and were unloading the van, I casually mentioned to DH that next year I'd like to do something different than camping, I'd like to go on a plane to somewhere hot and sunny in a hotel; where someone cooks and cleans for me for two weeks, and the biggest jobs I have to tackle are dressing the DCs and applying suncream regularly.

Well I might as well have suggested we burn the van, the reaction I got Sad

Apparently i'm being selfish to impose my 'needs' on the rest of the family and i should consider more what he would like to do for his holidays Shock

I'm seriously considering going to the travel agent tomorrow and booking a break for me and the DCs next year. If DH wants to join us then he can, but otherwise I'll go on my own with the children.

I wouldn't mind so much, but my 3 nights in wet Cornwall was my main and only holiday this year. No weekends away, no mini breaks, nothing. DH has alreay had a lads weekend away, a week away with school PGL trip, a trip to Scotland with DD1 on his motorbike, and still has another PGL week in September and a lads weekend in October to look forward to.......

I just want really really need a proper holiday.

Sorry that was so long.

OP posts:
JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 18/08/2012 08:47

Take the Scoobie Doo van to Africa.

Problem solved.

wants a Scoobie Doo van very badly

bamboostalks · 18/08/2012 09:17

I remember your previous thread when you were sobbing on the bed because you did not want your dh to take your 7year old dd on the the back of the bike all over Scotland. Seriously, stop allowing him to dictate the pace and nature of your life together. You want a better holiday, book one. He sounds like someone who is still trying to have a single person's existence whilst having a family.

Original poster
Babylon1 · 18/08/2012 09:22

I'm off to pick the brochures up now.

I WILL be booking a two week break, it will be his choice whether or not he joins us.

OP posts:
Secret7 · 18/08/2012 09:25

Can't you compromise and have your luxury holiday at Easter (milder weather for dc) and do his holiday in Summer?

Ilovesunflowers · 18/08/2012 11:04

You are being unreasonable to think a school PGL trip is a holiday. It is NOT a holiday. Unless you've been on one you have no idea how much work they are. I enjoy them but I come back exhausted and I am on duty 24 x 7 while I'm there. Y6 are not as self sufficient as you have deluded yourself that they are.

As for the camping holidays YANBU to want a change after a long time of doing these types of holidays. Could you alternate every year?

LadyBeagleEyes · 18/08/2012 11:12

Absolutely book your holiday abroad Op.
Your dh is being very unfair.
Maybe you should have a look at Mark Warner holidays, they have excellent childcare and loads of watersports.

defineme · 18/08/2012 14:26

I'm pleased you're determined op...Just as an aside I think you'll find the airport/transfer stuff no problem-you did it with one before and you must have spent days driving with 2 through europe, so can't really see the difference. I'm sticking to short haul because I can't handle long drives/flights with the kids, but you clearly can. Smile

IvanaHumpalot · 18/08/2012 17:09

I hear the Far Side of Fuck is lovely this time of year - for DH, and you can drive there...

KittyFane1 · 18/08/2012 17:24

Sorry if I've missed this but do all 5 of you sleep squashed up in this van? If so no wonder it's a nightmare.
You need the van and a massive tent next to it.

janey68 · 18/08/2012 17:53

Oh fgs you have a camper van! Take yourself off for some relaxing weekends. He can hold the fort at home while you pootle wherever takes your fancy, and relax with a bottle of wine, a good book and no kids each evening

belgo · 18/08/2012 18:00

You bought him the campervan for his birthday, he loves it.

Maybe buy him that 5 star Caribbean holiday for his birthday (for all of you) and he'll grow to love that too?

inabeautifulplace · 18/08/2012 18:27

The all or nothing comments are right on the money. Your DH still views himself as an edgy, adventurous type with no real ties. You definitely need to challenge this, pointing out that your relationship needs balance and some compromise. Emphasise that you love the epic stuff but you also need to relax. I'd tell him that when your youngest is independent you'll be having a weekend away on your own.

My DD is young so very dependant on mum. I am really looking forward to when she's not so my wife could have some time to herself. Due to money it'd probably be more like me visiting family while she chills at home. Does your DH do much solo childcare? If he doesn't get your need for relaxation I reckon he hasn't done enough!

littlepie · 18/08/2012 20:40

OP I know exactly where you are coming from. We have a family villa in a hot & lovely, child friendly country. Went this year for a week and are going back for 3 weeks in Sept BUT it is NOT what I would call a holiday. There's still the cooking, washing, cleaning, travelling to beach etc.

This is why I booked 2 weeks AI next year, the week I returned.

I would suggest 2 things for a break for you. Short haul-med can be just as nice as long haul with DCs and less stress on flight. MAKE SURE your hotel has a creche for younger DC, kids clubs only start at 3, you'll need this for a total break.

I would suggest Mark Warner or Club Med.

Enjoy!

BabylonPI · 22/08/2012 22:40

So it's agreed Grin

Next year we are aiming for 2 weeks all Inc in Cyprus and some lovely local weekends in the camper van.

DH happy with this, I'm happy with this, so all good!!! GrinGrin

caramelwaffle · 22/08/2012 22:48

Sounds good Smile

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/08/2012 23:13

"Apparently i'm being selfish to impose my 'needs' on the rest of the family and i should consider more what he would like to do for his holidays"
Erm, isn't that what you've been doing for the last 8 years? And don't needs trump would-likes? He could just eff off coming out with shit like that.

TheCrackFox · 22/08/2012 23:30

DH once took our boys camping and I stayed in a lovely hotel a mile away. win win situation all round.

Leena49 · 23/08/2012 04:45

Just book a nice package holiday next year as a change. We never stick with the same kind of holiday.

Inertia · 23/08/2012 07:51

Why are you doing all the cooking and washing when there are two adults on the holiday?

YANBU to want a holiday. In fact , YWNBU to have a weekend away with friends, or even on your own, especially as DH gets several lads weekends.

The school trips are not a holiday though, to be fair.

You know, if DH loves trips out in the van so much, there's nothing to stop him taking the children away while you do important jobs at home ...

juneau · 23/08/2012 08:02

YANBU to want a real holiday. Self-catering is hard work when you've got little kids - and I can't even imagine doing it in a camper van. You and DH need to have a reasonable discussion about it though. It sounds like you've had a bit of a rant and he's got all defensive. But if you can afford it I really don't see why he's so against the idea. Yes, flying with DC is a bit of a faff, but IMO its worth it to go somewhere different and if you're going to two weeks it's a small part of the overall experience.

BabylonPI · 23/08/2012 12:53

We have discussed rationally with a referee from relate now and DH is seeing my point of view.

He did get all defensive as he felt I was "dissing" his pride and joy van.

I've explained I love the van too, but that it isn't a break for me. I've said we will go away in the van again and we are - tomorrow as it happens BUT we're staying local ish and I'm taking the car too, so if it all gets too much I can come home and leave him with the DCs GrinWink

Margerykemp · 23/08/2012 13:35

Your DP doesn't sound like he wanted kids at all.

I think it sounds like you deserve a holiday away from all of them.

Or why don't you split the hols and DP take older one(s) and you take bubs?

MelodyPondering · 23/08/2012 13:37

Please can you link to the 3 week holiday in Caribbean for £2400?!

You are SO not being unreasonable....

BabylonPI · 23/08/2012 23:11

Hi melody, we went to the occidental allegro hotel in punta Cana, Dominican republic in 2006 Grin that was the Caribbean trip we paid £2400 for 3 weeks all Inc for 3 of us Grin

Best. Trip. EVER. Wink

fiftyval · 24/08/2012 14:26

You are so NBU.
Camping is an ordeal, not a holiday.
Self-catering holidays are SSDP but very occasionally the place can be good enough to make up for the SS part.

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