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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to do this?

62 replies

witchface · 16/08/2012 21:24

It's my birthday on Sunday. I can be a bit awkward about presents - not because I want particular things but because there is nothing I really want. I would honestly rather people just said happy birthday and made me feel a bit special than get something which I don't want or need. If someone wants to give me a present I feel I am easy - I love bath things and chocolates stuff I will use/eat and not clutter up the house.

However, my husband wants to get me the perfect present. It's nice of him of course but he starts to torture me weeks before. "What do you want? What do you want?" This goes on. I see he wants to get me something nice so I told him I would like some perfume and am quite happy to go shopping with him to get it (before my birthday - no shopping on my birthday I have been there before, it's depressing.)

Last night he starts saying I don't know what to get you, there is one thing I think you will like or another that would have to be joint christmas and birthday what do you think? Well with that information I can't really make a decision, can I? I say that if I was getting a joint present I would rather have it on christmas morning. Oh, he says, I got my laptop as soon as you bought it! Yes, because you wanted it, I would rather wait but hey it doesn't seem to be my choice.

The next thing he says is I have ordered it and can you take me to get it on friday (he can't drive so I need to take him anywhere not walking distance, even if there is a bus usually). Ok... he finishes work at 10am so thats fine I think we'll be going to the next town 30 mins away. No, he can only get it a 1 hour 40 minute drive away! What? It would be lunchtime when we get there. Its the arse end of nowhere so nothing to do/see and then 1 hour 40 minutes back again. With our 3 year old.

Seriously when I don't even care what I get this is really stressing me out! I have said we will go because he obviously thinks whatever he is getting me is great but I really don't want to. AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/08/2012 21:25

Ask him to sponsor a goat for you

Grin
LadyBeagleEyes · 16/08/2012 21:26

You do sound a little ungrateful Op.

Original poster
witchface · 16/08/2012 21:27

I did that for part of his christmas one year actually but he wants to get me a thing

OP posts:
cantspel · 16/08/2012 21:28

If you wanted perfume why did you not just give him the name of the one you want?

Original poster
witchface · 16/08/2012 21:30

I did say I wanted Eternity Summer but according to him they change the scent of this each year so I would have to smell it. Thats fine I'm happy to do it - and I can do that without a massive drive! Would be cheaper too I assume.

OP posts:
BulldogDrummond · 16/08/2012 21:30

Why couldn't his purchase be delivered? Do tell us what it is when you open it, please.

Why couldn't he buy perfume for you since you'd mentioned it?

Noqontrol · 16/08/2012 21:31

You are being a bit unreasonable. He's trying to do something nice for you. It may be a bit of a hassle, but I'd just go with it and smile, don't throw it back in his face. You never know, it might be a brilliant present, and anyway its the thought that counts. He obviously cares enough to try and get something nice for you. Next time ask for a book voucher!

Noqontrol · 16/08/2012 21:32

Ahh, didn't notice you already knew what it was. Or perhaps you don't, it might be a ruse.

Original poster
witchface · 16/08/2012 21:36

No I don't know what it is - am just assuming it is more expensive than perfume!

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 16/08/2012 21:37

Maybe it's a puppy Grin

CaliforniaLeaving · 16/08/2012 21:39

Smile and go with the flow, many men don't even remember to say Happy Birthday let alone go to any trouble, he obviously values and loves you and wants to show it in this particular way. Maybe you can have a nice lunch out seeing you'll be out over lunchtime.

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2012 21:44

I don't think you're being ungrateful, he's making you partly responsible for sorting the present, you're not that bothered about, out.

The problem is that he's not listening to you saying what kind of a person he is, he treating you like he wants to be treated himself.

Although saying that, for someone who's not that bothered, you're very sure about the things you don't want or like Grin Which could be a bit of a minefield.

Your DH wants to show you how much he loves you, if it were me I'd put up with picking up the computer and be happy in the knowledge I was with someone who at least wanted to try and make me feel special.

Misery Grin.

LottoQueen · 16/08/2012 21:46

I don't think that perfumes are actually changed. Variations are available, but the original is ALWAYS the same

We both use Issey Miyake pour homme.

Every year there are variations: Summer, Blue, whatever, but the original is the original. Otherwise it does not have it's signature.

Ask him for you favourite; you know what you like.

Original poster
witchface · 16/08/2012 21:47

Feeling a bit guily now that some people don't even get a happy birthday Blush although I think you are all being unreasonable for accepting that state of affairs! Grin

I have asked him if it's a puppy and he perked up saying ooh would you like a puppy? Eek! I will be doing the drive tomorrow!

OP posts:
tethersend · 16/08/2012 21:56

If it's diamond shoes, be sure to come on here and post about how they're too tight Wink

CommaChameleon · 16/08/2012 21:57

I once got a tank of hamsters for my birthday.

It was my fault. Apparently saying "I don't want a hamster" was where I went wrong. He took that to mean I didn't want one hamster but three would be perfect.

And all this because the woman next door bought a hamster and I said it was nice.

Can you at least go out for a nice lunch somewhere in the place you are going? Even if the present is a glass tank full for small toothy rodents, a nice lunch might soften the blow.

maddening · 16/08/2012 22:03

maybe it's a weekend away and the destination is a holiday cottage?

LadyBeagleEyes · 16/08/2012 22:04

Do come and post when you get it Op.

Original poster
witchface · 16/08/2012 22:08

Not sure I would like diamond shoes - they sound a bit uncomfortable Grin

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 16/08/2012 22:21

I got a bit confused and thought he was buying you a computer Grin

I'm getting excited for you now and need to know what it is Grin

quoteunquote · 17/08/2012 00:45

OP, I hate people buying me presents, just makes me feel awkward,I don't have the ability to fake responses,

If there is anything I want in life I just get for myself, anyone who knows me respects that I don't enjoy being given stuff,

My husband is fine with that, he likes presents, I'm pretty good at finding things he likes,

there nothing wrong in not enjoying being given presents, at least you are honest.

NatashaBee · 17/08/2012 01:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsatrap · 17/08/2012 14:04

Did you get it yet?

KenLeeeeeee · 17/08/2012 14:08

What is it?? I'm dying to know.

Personally I love obscure and weird presents. This sort of magical mystery tour would be right up my alley.

OP, relax and enjoy the fact that he's gone to some form of effort for you. It may be entirely misguided, but it's still sweet that he's arranged something.

jumpingjackhash · 17/08/2012 14:10

It's a puppy, isn't it?!

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