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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you can have a nice house with children and pets

128 replies

ruledbyheart · 16/08/2012 21:11

Thats it really.
I live in nice house and have worked hard to get it looking as it does I have two dogs and 3 children under 5yrs, I am a sahm so have the time to keep it nice and I spend time all my time with DC'S they even help me clean - through choice not order.

My mum and some of my friends who have come round have commented on it and act like I must ignore my DC'S and never do anything messy - I love baking and painting with my little ones and we do make mess, they do just generally make me feel like I have OCD ( I don't).

AIBU?

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 17/08/2012 10:07

That would depend on the breed of dog you have I guess, Valium. Mine is often covered in mud, grass seeds, shrubbery, sand and seaweed. We often go out twice a day and I simply do not have enough time to clean him and or the floor twice a day.

Birdsgottafly · 17/08/2012 10:12

*There is no way that you can walk a dog a couple of times a day in the UK, run it through the park/fields without at times your kitchen floor being minging(unless the dog has its own room)

Yes there is*

How?

You walk in with the dog (mine has to go through the kitchen), soaking wet and muddy, mine loves water and the floor is muddy.

I am getting my back garden paved, because most of the time, my kitchen is muddy (walls as well) when she has ran in.

Sometimes i cannot clean it all, as i am leaving for work, so i come home and if someone called straight away, my kitchen could be muddy (sometimes my DP comes round and cleans it), but i don't count that as my kitchen being dirty, others would.

D0oinMeCleanin · 17/08/2012 10:15

I have the same problem Birds. My terrier could find mud in a sterile room

I walk before going to work or out for the afternoon. Sometimes I walk before going out for the afternoon and then come back and walk again before going to work.

I contain the mud in the back of the house. I clean it when I have time to.

EddieGrundy · 17/08/2012 10:16

It's 2012 and a bunch of grown women are arguing about cleaning. Does it really matter? So much for the sisterhood! Time to hide thread!

FiveMonths · 17/08/2012 10:21

I am pleased that some people can do it. I just wish I could.

Every time I try and make it nice, either a child destroys something or the cat starts scratching the sofas up, so out come the blankets and everything gets draped again and looks rubbish.

I will not have any more cats after this one is gone. Outdoor pets - maybe (we have seven of them already - not so fussed about the garden) but indoor ones, no. I am going to have a nice, tidy, neat house with sofas you can SEE one day.

Sassybeast · 17/08/2012 10:24

I grew up with a mother who was OCD about cleaning, who wouldn't let us sit on the sofa in case we 'wrecked' the cushions, and who shoved a duster in our hands as soon as we walked in the door from school. We were only allowed one toy out at a time.
It all changed drastically when she was diagnosed with a serious illness.

I don't have an immaculate house but it's not a tip. But my kids being happy and relaxed is much more of a priority than cleaning.

achillea · 17/08/2012 10:25

Melindaa - I agree with you about the messy play ratio thing, but it is essential for childrens development for them to feel squidgy messy things with their fingers. It is also important for them to see that it's safe to do that and Mum isn't anxious about it.

Be careful that your anxiety about cleaning and tidyness doesn't restrict their natural development. Fine to keep tidy and clean, but children need a relaxed environment, they need to make their mark in the home and have areas where they can put lego builds and not have them taken apart by the evening, and places where they can leave things as they want to leave them rather than as you want them to leave them.

keely027 · 17/08/2012 10:26

No such thing as having nice house with pets, let alone kids....I talk from experience

camdancer · 17/08/2012 10:30

Can I ask those who grew up in messy homes, how did you learn to clean? Were you always tidy and neat? I am not naturally tidy, organised or neat and frequently just don't know where to start. I try to follow flylady but then I slip back into mess and muck. But this thread has made me get up from the laptop and clean our bathroom and toilet. Smile

It seems to me that once a house is neat and tidy it is easier to keep it that way, but getting it that way in the first place is hard work. For me, a lot depends on how much sleep I get, how much help I get from DH, how much storage we have and also how often we are out the house. It is much easier when DS is at school, DD1 is at preschool and DD2 and I are out for the day!

achillea · 17/08/2012 10:35

I know I have 'nice children and pets' rather than a 'nice house' and that is my priority, but I try to have both.

valiumredhead · 17/08/2012 10:41

I honestly don't think it needs to be either or - you can have a tidy house and kids and pets.

How did I learn - there's not a lot to learn is there really? I just tidy and clean up often. The secret is little and often and de clutter.

Wrt dogs - nothing to do with the breed of dog it's wether you are ok about letting a mucky dog into your house without being hosed/wiped down first with old towels. I'm not ok with that so it wouldn't happen but many people are which is fine. Again. not either or just what you chose to do.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 17/08/2012 10:42

Camdancer it just happened for me I couldn't stand my 'home' as a child and from a young age I kept my room immaculate but then even with a sister I was a lonely child as couldnt invite friends around even if I had any, I liked the organization amongst the chaos and it kept me busy and out the way.

Things obviously do get dirty especially after walking the dogs but I cant leave it as I get stressed.

However my last house was in a bad state of repair - landlord didnt want to know and it didnt matter how much I tried to keep it clean and tidy it always looked scruffy.
When I moved into this house it was well decorated and clean with a good starting standard for me to work with so I believe it is easier when the house is nice to begin with.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/08/2012 10:44

My life's work is trying to achieve a clean and tidy house.
I sometimes get there but it doesn't last.
I spent the whole day cleaning before we went away just to be able to walk into a spotless house on return.
It was bliss.
It lasted a day.
Ffs.

I know when I am getting anxious because y cleaning gets a bit frantic. My dear friend lost her dad last night. This will mean me cleaning all day so I can be 'ready'
Wtf is that about?

I know it stems from DD's illness. I get an actual physical reaction when I start a cleaning binge. My heart races and I get an adrenaline rush.

Yet despite m lunacy my house is rarly tidy. How that fair?!

hallamoo · 17/08/2012 10:47

Lol @ '3 cats', they must make loads of mess!!!

Bristowlian · 17/08/2012 10:52

I have three kids and THREE pets [competitive] AND a horse [ramps it up] and my house smells a bit of dogs I expect and is full of random crap but we love it. I only clean it in mad spurts but I go out to work so I don't have time to wander around dusting with the kids. Not that they would. I think when they were about 4 or 5 they wanted to wash up or dust for about 5 minutes, now they are older they disappear in a puff of smoke if asked to help tidy Hmm

SoupDragon · 17/08/2012 10:56

Good for you, OP. Award yourself a gold star.

Birdsgottafly · 17/08/2012 10:58

Things obviously do get dirty especially after walking the dogs but I cant leave it as I get stressed.

That is what you have to work on, tbh, as it may become a problem.

When i cared for my DP, as he died, i was super organised, i had to be. I have to be anyway, as i have two DD's with short term memory problems. I have 'to have a place for everything and everything in its place'.

I don't do clutter/mess etc, but there are days were i go out and leave the main areas in the house 'grubby', as there are more important things to do, as you will realise when you aren't tied to a younger childs routine.

There is a happy medium.

achillea · 17/08/2012 11:05

I agree with birds (again) - don't let stress you. Always have an area that people can let loose in and be comfortable.

peasorbeans · 17/08/2012 11:07

There's only one way of life, and that's your own.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 17/08/2012 11:32

My living room currently resembles Toys R Us in the aftermath of a hurricane

I shall just kick the plastic tat to one side to carve a footpath through to the hall

naturalbaby · 17/08/2012 15:56

A good starting standard is a pretty good reason why my house is nice as well. The lady we bought our house from had done it up so beautifully, the bathrooms smelled of dettol, the oven was spotless so it hasn't taken much effort to keep it that way. Obviously having 3 kids, things have slowly slid downhill a bit but I am pretty much never empty handed - tidying things away to keep on top of the clutter.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 18/08/2012 00:54

I have a nice house. Two kids, three and seven, a dog and a cat.my house is clean, welcoming and kettle is always on. I will always also try to feed anyone who comes through our door. I cook from scratch, I keep fit, I am a part time teacher and my family are my life. I am organised and happy. We are all different. I iron every day to keep on top of things, i Hoover twice a day and mop my kitchen every night. My kids are my priority but I still find the time to keep our house clean and tidy. My husband works full time but still helps me out. It's not hard.

PeppermintCreams · 18/08/2012 06:52

I do understand where you are coming from. I also lived in a dirty/untidy house growing up. My parents come around to mine and think I live in a palace. It's not! It's just a normal house with two working parents and a 4 year old living in it.

If a house is newly decorated and there is lots of storage space for "stuff" then all it takes is a quick hoover,mop and dust to make the house look immaculate. That's what your friends are noticing.

marriedinwhite · 18/08/2012 11:25

I can do clean or I can do tidy and imo clean takes precedence. I can't do both. Big house, full time job, two teenagers, three cats. I do: shopping, dishwasher, cooking, (kitchen always clean and tidy as are bogs and bathrooms), laundry (8-10 loads a week) and 1/2 the ironing. I think that takes me on average two hours a day. Also have a cleaner five hours (twice) a week. This keeps it under control and it's a relatively respectable home but not a show house. There aren't layers of dust or grime, or piles of unsorted laundry or clothes around the house to put away, the oven and fridge are spotless, cupboards could do with a clean out and tidy up, books (hundreds if not thousands) could do with a dust (as could the lampshades and light fittings).

I was brought up in a pristine home and I hated it. My room was not "mine", I was allowed no toys outside my bedroom (occasionally one in the sitting room to keep me quiet) and I never finished a jig saw because it was always tidied away. My mother didn't work regularly but she never had time to play with me because housework was more important. She intimates regularly that we live in filth. DH was brought up in a more chaotic way than me and would like a tidier house.

SrirachaGirl · 18/08/2012 12:28

I want to live at cheeseandbiscuits house Grin.

MrsDV - I clean before going away too Blush. I think it's because I so dread the mess of unpacking etc. that the sight of a messy house too would send me over the edge.