To be this upset about this...

[curiousgeorgie]

I have a 22 month old DD and have been trying for a baby since she was about 5/6 months with no real success. Several miscarriages, one ectopic.. Lots of heartbreak.

During this time two friends, two sister in laws, a cousin, various acquaintances and people I used to work with have become pregnant and a few have had babies. One particular friend even had my original due date, and while it stung, I've been able to be happy or them, swallow the lump in my throat and just get on with it. (Even throwing two of them baby showers which are stupid)

My best 'baby friend' had a dc the same age as mine, we were pregnant together, did newborn stuff together, took them to classes, all the first day trips to beaches and farms and Softplay etc.

She has known that I've been trying for a baby (as I systematically gave up alcohol, smoking, caffeine, loads of foods etc) and known about miscarriages and has been very matter of fact about it all saying its not the right time, why would I want a small age gap, she's been saying all along that she enjoys her son too much and won't be having a 2nd DC till hers is at least 4.

So I haven't seen her for a few weeks since my DD had chicken pox and hers hasn't had it, then she was away, then busy. So unusually had quite a gap between meet ups but was texting loads.

Today I walk into Softplay and think she has a bump. But maybe it's in my mind or she's put on some weight or something... So she asks me 'how's everything with you? Pregnant yet?' and since I hate this question and have decided to keep things secret from now till I'm at least pregnant (by 20 weeks or something) I just said no, I'm having a break.

So she gestures to herself and tells me she is. Isnt it great. She's going to have a small age gap and wasn't even seriously trying yet, just once or twice the whole month she conceived.

I felt like she punched me. It physically hurt.

I sat through the next hour and a half of Softplay trying harder not to cry than I've ever tried at anything.

Then left and sat in the car and sobbed my heart out for two hours. (poor DD :s)

I don't know what to do. I don't think I've ever felt this upset. I don't know why this has hit me so hard. I might have to stop seeing her.

Am I ridiculous?

YANBU. When I was trying for DC1 (for several months - which my best work friend knew) I was absolutely floored when she turned up at work announcing that she had a BFP that morning and couldn't wait to tell me. I said the right things before hiding in the toilets for an hour. I hadn't known she was trying (she hadn't been, really) - she'd caught on first try and I was gutted. Lucky for me I found out I was having DS the next day but if I hadn't, I would have really struggled throughout her pregnancy.

Having said that, your friend hasnt done anything wrong apart from being insensitive about spilling the beans. Take some time out of the friendship if you need, and let her know that's the reason and you are hoping to be able to deal with it in x weeks or months, so she knows you don't want to end the friendship. I fell pregnant with DD just after a friend's daughter was stillborn. She straight up told me she couldn't cope with seeing me pregnant and once she was pregnant we were able to rebuild our friendship. I understand why she found it hard - I'm sure your friend would to. But please don't blame her for being pregnant. You can't expect people to put their lives on hold for you.

Good luck next month.

Curious - I'd get your levels checked first, if I were you - because (and I don't know how the GPs view this in the UK) I started on 10,000IU, which is prescription dose, to bring it up quickly - the 1,000IU OTC daily is a "holding" dose because the GP isn't keen for me to take prescription dose while pg, as no one knows if it's dangerous in high doses. Fat-soluble vits (A, D, E and K) have more potential to be damaging in high doses than water soluble ones - but of course you can't test it on pg women, it's unethical. So we're playing safe.