This is NOT Gina Ford-bashing, but...

[emeraldgirl1]

AIBU to be a bit put out by a friend (a Gina disciple) who has already declared (I am only 9w pg) that if I don't do Gina Ford method, I WILL have an unruly and impossible child?

She 'did' GF for her DC, now an angelic (if slightly lacking in independence) 5yo. She has always told me I 'must' do GF (even years before I was pg) but now that I actually am pg I feel slightly upset and bullied by her extremely forceful insistence that if I do't do what she did, I am already making a terrible mistake.

FWIW (and knowing little about GF) I have already formed a general impression that it's NOT a method for me but FFS I am only 9w and still just hoping all goes well. But (I am anxiety prone) I am already starting to worry that maybe she is right and that maybe (fingers crossed I get this far) I will rear an uncontrollable monster (like my beloved but terrifying nephews) if I don't become a Gina disciple!! I have always felt that children who are 'well behaved' are that way partly through nature and partly through just general good discipline (within reason), but now I am doubting myself and wondering if my friend is right.

FWIW again, this friend is fundamentally a good person but a bossy and difficult nightmare in too many ways to name... I know I shouldn't listen... especially as am barely a mother yet... but she was so forceful about this that I didn't know what to say or what to think. I just kind of laughed it off the way I have in the past and changed the subject. I think she guessed that I was ignoring her and didn't like it.

yes but also I find MOTHERS that go right to EITHER end of the spectrum end up with very similar personalities - they like to "stick to their own" and don't notice when a conversation turns into a monologue IYKWIM

Is this really about GF? Most people will pass on whatever worked for their children to other people just she is being over the top about it.

I used GF with all my four children and yes my kids were all very settled, sleep through the nighters. I am not smug about it, and don't ram it down peoples throats. Nor do I think anyone that doesn't follow GF can't have the same that I did. I know plenty of parents that didnt and had good sleepers, happy babies etc. It's just another parenting method not the be all and end all.

Your friend needs to chill out.

I've met Gina Foord in person. I sincerely hope that no child of mine ever turns out as unruly, impossible, and most of all bad mannered, as her.

YANBU. I raised my 11 year old with just an occasional read of the toddler taming books, the NHS guide we were given and the Miriam Stoppard development book, just to make sure she was doing the right things at times. No GF no gurus, just instinct and love and probably not enough disinfectant or soap. She grew up just fine. She was always a sweetie...til the hormones kicked in. Now I have a child who is delightful or demonic. Now if GF had a book to advise me on that, I might give it a go!!

btw I have a friend who I love to pieces who has a large family and is always preaching to me about the joys of such, forgetting that my fertility issues stopped me having the busload I wanted. She also enthuses about natural birth (I had an emergency C-Section) how homebirths are the only way to go and how breastfeeding is the only option. I bottlefed as I had horrendous problems with bf and gave up for my sanity at 14 weeks. I was at the hospital before my cervix opened...I like sanitation and medical expertise on hand :)

She's one of those women who are so vociferous and so strong minded that they opine most of the time without thinking about the consequences. I love her, but she can be a bit of a challenge. Her favourite thing is declaring how irresponsible some people are for not being greener and cocking a snoot at me for not using cloth nappies, dishcloths instead of paper towels and forumla instead of breast milk. I had one child not several, so I'm figuring that my carbon footprint is ridiculously smaller by default!!! I don't tell her that though, cos depsite making her sound obnoxious, she's actually kind, clever, funny and warm. She'd do anything for you, though she would probably go on about it a bit. She's just a strong person. Sounds like your friend is similar.

Slightly in at earlier post referring to 'Gina mums' and 'Gina babies'. Are they akin to 'Stepford Wives'?

I wonder if people who insist that their way is the only way to go, are really THAT happy with their choices or if they are a bit insecure about it (as it wasn't quite as perfect a choice as they make out) and therefore need other people to make the same choice to validate theirs??

I had great sucess with GF, and am enthusiastic about my OWN experiences with the one particular child I've tried it on, but am happy for anyone else who has sucess with ANY method (so long as its moral etc) and at most suggest that friends keep an open mind about ALL methods rather than writing any off and getting their heart set on a particular kind of parenting before the child is even born.

I don't NEED others to choose what I choose
I might not even choose it with my next one, I don't need to use GF with every child I had to prove to myself or anyone else that it was best for my first born so I certainly don't need other people to make the same choice

sounds like a case of "the bigger the front the bigger the back"
the most pushy AP parent I know is on AP sites having wobbles about it all the time and whinging about how hard it is, but in RL she tells everyone its easy and THE ONLY WAY TO GO!!

LackingNameChange I think you are spot on, I think the reason my friend is so vociferous and evangelical about GF is because she has actually got doubts (as I think many people do!) about whether she is doing the right thing for her child. She is LOUSY, for example, on the food front - shoves takeways in front of him several nights a week, never cooks a fresh meal, he has had severe constipation for years but she still doesn't try to cook something with a veg hidden in it (btw I am not saying this would solve the problem full stop, am just saying that I think on some level she knows she is not doing the 'perfect' job and so has to justify that kind of thing by telling herself - and everyone else - that she has been brilliant/perfect in other ways.) For her, this means focusssing on the fact that he has always been a good sleeper (GF) and that he is well-mannered and doesn't throw tantrums (partly just the luck of the draw i think).

I remember 'Toddler Taming' at the title.

Toddler Taming is a great book, helped me deal with tanturms brilliantly!

I think I would be a little bit worried about your friend.

Gina Ford has written many books about feeding children and none of them include fast food. Although I don't agree with the details in some of her books, her main philosophy (as far as I can tell) is that children like routine. There is nothing controversial about this and pretty much every parenting guru writing at the moment would endorse this.

Somebody who is feeding a child takeaways several nights a week doesn't sound as though they are providing a secure routine for their child - it sounds quite haphazard.

Also, children are supposed to throw tantrums - it is a developmental stage. That isn't to say that you don't try to show your child how to deal with their emotions. However, it isn't necessarily a good sign if a child doesn't have tantrums in the first place.

I found some people very dogged and wearing when they were trying to get us to do what they did with childrearing. I really resented the pressure.

You do get to the point where you just have to think - well that is their issue. The best way of not getting wound up is either have a comment back that lets them know your not interested or just refuse to discuss the topic with them.

You could try - well we'll do what's best for us - and firmly change the subject then remind yourself its her issue.