This is NOT Gina Ford-bashing, but...

[emeraldgirl1]

AIBU to be a bit put out by a friend (a Gina disciple) who has already declared (I am only 9w pg) that if I don't do Gina Ford method, I WILL have an unruly and impossible child?

She 'did' GF for her DC, now an angelic (if slightly lacking in independence) 5yo. She has always told me I 'must' do GF (even years before I was pg) but now that I actually am pg I feel slightly upset and bullied by her extremely forceful insistence that if I do't do what she did, I am already making a terrible mistake.

FWIW (and knowing little about GF) I have already formed a general impression that it's NOT a method for me but FFS I am only 9w and still just hoping all goes well. But (I am anxiety prone) I am already starting to worry that maybe she is right and that maybe (fingers crossed I get this far) I will rear an uncontrollable monster (like my beloved but terrifying nephews) if I don't become a Gina disciple!! I have always felt that children who are 'well behaved' are that way partly through nature and partly through just general good discipline (within reason), but now I am doubting myself and wondering if my friend is right.

FWIW again, this friend is fundamentally a good person but a bossy and difficult nightmare in too many ways to name... I know I shouldn't listen... especially as am barely a mother yet... but she was so forceful about this that I didn't know what to say or what to think. I just kind of laughed it off the way I have in the past and changed the subject. I think she guessed that I was ignoring her and didn't like it.

MaryZ yes she has just the one...
The evil part of me would love her to have another who turned out to be an absolute horror As you say, by the law of averages that could easily happen.

I love Gina, but I appreciate it's not for everyone. If it helps, my SIL 'Gina'd' her 5yo DS, and he is one of the most undisciplined children I know. A good routine won't stop your child being unruly!

Go with whatever you feel comfortable with, and be assured that as soon as she has DC2 she won't be so cocky!

MorrisZap - good advice and you are right of course. I have always had the problem that I am very suggestible; not that I would actually be bullied into using a childcare method I disagree with but that I do indeed give it headspace worrying that my decisions are the right ones. I do know that I need to toughen up on this front and pretty fast. However it is only a few people that have this effect on me, this friend for one and my mother for another... I am pretty robust about ignoring other people!!

Yes ignore both your friend and Gina Ford, in fact chuck any parenting book out of the window!. I was an avid follower of Miriam Stoppard when my teenagers were babies and she was getting a massive kicking somewhere on here recently but at the time she was a must read and I followed her advice to the word . Your child will be fine.

Routine, eg GF, works well for some parents and some babies.

However babies are all different and bring their own ideas to the world! Strict routine isn't for us or DD but I think i could Gina my little DS if i had wanted.

My mate Gina'd her baby and was v smug at 8 weeks, he slept through apparently. He is now nearly 2 and has been a terrible sleeper since he was about 12wks. She still recommends reading GF but qualifies it by saying that the baby won't have!

Your friend sounds insufferable tbh. You may need to tell her to STFU or you will fall out. Have faith in your own instincts and try the parenting methods that most appeal but keep an open mind and be flexible as babies are full of surprises!

I'm a bit at the SMOG stuff and what's wrong with being a 'girly' boy? My DD is cute as pie, likes glitter etc but is also an accomplished escapologist, wrecker and noisemaker and I know plenty of boys who are not.

Ah, so she only has one! My friends baby is 3 days older than my DD, angel child who slept through from 4 days, naps throughout the day, had a brilliant routine etc, this child us so good my friend wants another 2 in the next 2 years.

My DD was polar opposite and is still very strong willed, so I've tried to tell my friend that no two babies are the same, she is hoping because her DD is so good the rest will be to, I think when you've had a fairly easy baby first it easy to fall into the smug trap, so your friend really has no idea :o

I'm sure it works for some babies.... But you can't say that one size fits all with regards to child raising!

Go to the library and get a variety of books and read them. Pick the one/s that make sense to you. Tell friend to butt out!

I prefer the sound of the your terrifying nephews

YY mrsmangel, I don't like bringing the whole "girls=good, boys=bad" into it - my DD, for example, is a little monkey (probably down to my overly relaxed parenting tbh)

I'm actually scared of having another dc as my dd is so 'good'. I feel like i've used up my luck and the next one will be a little horror 'spirited'

As far as GF goes agree with other posters who say it will only work on babies who are wired that way anyway.

Also GF said you should have sex with your DH within 4 weeks of giving birth so he doesn't feel left out/still feels loved or summat. Ahahahahahaha! If she feels that strongly she can come round and have sex with him....

Er...and you are friends because? Come on, stand up for yourself! Don't let yourself be bullied. I would say "Grow a pair", but I would bring down some wrath on my head. It's your pregnancy!

ArielthePiraticalMermaid - oh, believe me, I have questioned why I am friends with her before! Have posted about her before in fact, she has a tendency to be difficult to the point of toxic. We've been friends for so long and our families are friends and (in some ways) she is more like a sister (if being a sister means you are bossy and boundaryless and overbearing!!).

My friend GF'd and I went slightly mental and couldn't cope with the routines at all. Our kids are best friends at 4 and i would say are exactly the same in terms of sleeping ( mine slightly better actually ha ha!) as well as behaviour. They are both lovely boys most of the time, but are naughty sometimes. I would say that as well as the baby having to be wired to the GF way, the parents have to be too. If you are a creative person and are not good with routines in general like me, and it sounds like you, trying to change your entire personality type in order to fit into some book will just set you up for a fall. especially with hormones flying around

I once was out with 2 friends and their DSes, and my DD, she was about 18m. I spent the whole time chasing her around, making sure she didn't bother other people, stopping her climbing on stuff, I must have brought her back to the table about 10 times in the hour we were there. My coffee had gone cold by the time she decided to sit down and drink her juice (being strapped in her buggy was also helping!).

All this time one friends DS was also racing around. She sat there smiling indulgently with an occasional "don't do that darling".

She looked at DD, who is cherubic in aspect but had run me ragged for an hour and was strapped in her buggy and said "you're so lucky, girls are so well behaved". I was and so flabbergasted I just changed the subject!

I think Gina Ford is probably good if you have tried everything and it hasn't worked or you are looking after someone else's children. I found some points she made about potty training useful and I read her book but approached it in a much more 'my' kind of way because her approach is so regimented and off putting. Just follow you instinct and take your baby's cues to what they are ready to do - if all else fails there is always Gina Ford to fall back on.

I know what you mean. It's difficult to tell a very old friend to bugger off!

Fwiw I have two unruly boys and I love it, they are great fun. Who says children have to be clean and quiet to be angelic?

I joke that I am a Gina ford mother... But I never intended that to happen... DD came with a built in routine - so set in stone that she woke up at 7.30 instead of 8 and I was like 'omg is she ill?' lucky cow

I know parents that used it and it worked for them.
These are the type of parents who like order and control and I think thats why it suited them.
I got the book as a present and read the first quarter and stopped as I would never cope with my day as micro-managed as it was described in the book.

Sorry for hijack, just get peeved with girls=good boys=bad and letting kids bother other people because "boys will be boys" but then disparagingly referring to my DD as a diva or similar because shes 2 and has a tantrum when I won't let her have another go on the tractor.

Children's behaviour is largely personality driven IMO. Some kids are very placid/compliant (I was), some are strong willed, some are very impulsive. Gender and whether or not you fed them by the clock as babies doesn't have much to do with it.

No, you aren't being unreasonable, but brace yourself for more 'helpful' advice on feeding, potty training, school selection, reading methods, discipline, extra curricular activities etc. etc.

You can only hope that this paragon might be saving his rebellious phase for adolescence. If you are still friends at this point, you could always be the loving adult who funds his first tattoo?

So much bollocks.

I can't see what GF's routines have to do with a child's behaviour.

I also can't see what a child's sex has to do with their behaviour.

My friend is a GF devotee, more so with her younger son than her older daughter. Her 2yo son is very adventurous, spirited and passionate. This sometimes results in tantrums, that are best avoided by distracting him. Friend chooses to threaten him with Time Out instead, which I haven't seen succeed yet. Her 6yo daughter doesn't have tantrums, but can be naughty and spiteful (a trait I've seen in her dad, whom I've known for 20 years). Friend doesn't seem to notice. I think she treated her son differently from birth because he was a boy.

My son is very placid and on the whole well-behaved, almost entirely due to his nature. I don't see this as a feminine trait, it's just the way some people are. My brother was the same as a child, still is the same as an adult. I was the naughty one when we were children.

I have lots of friends who used GF with their twins. I think twin mums prefer routine otherwise life gets very difficult. But they are so extreme and it restricts their life - for example I can never see any of them at any time between 1130 and 230 as their DTs must eat lunch at 1130 and then sleep in their beds for exactly 2.5 hours. Personally I prefer to have babies who are a bit more flexible and happy to nap in the pram etc. And my two are impeccably behaved if I say so myself even without GF methods!!

I would suggest you buy Gina, and a couple of other baby books now (while you have time) read them now (not when baby has arrived, to late to find the time to read them then) then you can form your own view. When baby arrives, you might find you want to ahve a routine, or not, try to keep away from her in the first month if you can, at least that way you can get yourself sorted to see what works for your baby without being bullied.

(Oh, and I GFed, but I DS would sleep as easily in his pram as his bed as long as it was dark, so using a shade ment I had him alseep from 12 - 2 most days so lunch out was so much easier without having to eat one handed while holding the baby with the other)

[Off topic, but the brains of boys and girls do develop differently - this is fact, however, I completely agree that both t-shirts for boys saying "little terror" and the assumption that little girls like pink and glitter and being a "diva" are vomit worthy]

this friend is fundamentally a good person but a bossy and difficult nightmare in too many ways to name...

This is why she is so into GF - she's a controlling person and the GF method suits controlling people. Children need to develop in a way that allows them to express their natural behaviour and this includes being heard at a very young age in order to have their needs met. It is the basis of all communication.

Having children is a great time to make new friends and lose the timewasters. This is what your friend knows you might do and she clearly doesn't want lose you. Don't debate GF with her, you clearly come from a different place and need to get to know people that you will naturally get on with. Find your own parenting style, but gain knowledge from child development books rather than faddy parenting books. Steve Biddulph, Dr Tanya Byron, the 'What to Expect...' series. Get yourself off to the local NCT group and meet some good friends. Some of them will be with you for life. Enjoy, you are in for a great ride.