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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to cook for my sister, BIL, niece and BF

56 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2012 22:16

when they visit next week? They are all veggie/vegan and wheat free. They are staying in self catering accommodation when they visit, but I know they will turn up each night at aprox 7pm expecting a veggie/vegan wheat free meal.

I have told them I will cook for 2 nights and that is it. I work FT and have 2 small DC. I know IANBU btw, just thought I'd share the horror that is my family.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/08/2012 22:19

Fuck that

YANBU no matter what they do and don't eat...they shouldn't be turning up expecting you to feed them.

crazy8 · 15/08/2012 22:19

Maybe you could buy the ingredients and then cook together or you could ask them to bring something they have made and you could make a salad or something else that's easy.

Sirzy · 15/08/2012 22:22

Yanbu they have their own accommodation with cooking facilities so no need for you to cater for them. You have offered to do it twice which is very kind of you

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2012 22:23

but they do Worra for the last 14 years their 'holiday' has been to come to us and we have cooked for them, given them our bed, moved the DC to accommodate them etc. Now the recession has hit us we really can't do it anymore. Oh and tomatoes give my BIL migraine ffs.

Now we have 2 dc I realised how cheeky they have been. We live in a 'holiday' destination so they see it as only fair................

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2012 22:27

thanks Sirzy I thought I was being generous too. My sister rang tonight to say not to cook a big meal on Saturday as they would have eaten at about 3pm. I told her I wasn't intending to cook on Saturday...........

My niece rang the other night to say she was planning a BBQ for her birthday, which happens when she is here, and when I said are you bringing a BBQ with you then? she said no but you've got one. All organised then Hmm

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 15/08/2012 22:28

Big pot of veggie curry & rice, naan breads for you wheat eaters.

Big pot of Quorn chilli over jacket pots/new pots.

Both can be made this w/e & frozen.

Like it or lump it dear family!

Too bloody right YANBU -ask then what they're cooking/taking you out for on the other nights as I'm working all week & you're on holiday Grin

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2012 22:32

I had planned a veggie risotto for one night and a bring your own veggie wheat free stuff for a BBQ the other night. If I am feeling generous and not totally exhausted I may make some halloumi and med veg kebabs, but thats a deffo may.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/08/2012 22:33

they are staying in self catering... tell them to self cater... Grin

dinosaurkisses · 15/08/2012 22:39

HOW. RUDE.

You just need to lower their expectations. The first night give them a satchel of uncle bens micro rice each. Plain boiled flavour. The next, a fruit salad with limp lettuce and extra tomatoes for bil. They will not be back a third.

notmyproblem · 15/08/2012 22:40

OP, "No" is a full sentence.

Just say no! They are walking all over you. They have been for 14 years. Make this the year that it changes.

YANBU.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2012 22:40

yes squeaky my sister said she would need to stop at the shop for some bits when she arrived, I said you will really need to stop at the supermarket for a weeks worth of food........

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2012 22:45

dinasour Grin I dod say to DH that I would cook a roast dinner and they could eat what they wanted!

The tomatoes issue was a real low point. It was about 7 years ago and my BIL had been in bed all day with a migraine. We got back from work and started to cook tomato pasta and my sister came in and asked what we were cooking. We told her and she said 'oh, we think tomatoes give BIL migraine' I nearly stabbed her with the vegetable knife

OP posts:
ivanapoo · 15/08/2012 22:54

They are BU. to expect you to cook but you are being a bit U to think cooking vegan / wheat free is a massive pain. It's a lot cheaper than cooking for people who will only eat meat!

The tomato thing is annoying but if it makes him ill he can't really help it I guess.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/08/2012 23:01

Restricted diets are not the issue here, but the assumption of catering services provided. You shouldn't be cooking for them even if they eat the same as you, four extra people for a week costs a lot!

Fair enough to say at the start of the week "I will provide meals on these two days, you can self cater the rest of the time"

We're staying with in-laws for two weeks but are not expecting meals provided, we've done about 1/3 us cooking (and buying ingredients), 1/3 them cooking and 1/3 eating out.

Bobyan · 15/08/2012 23:13

Actually I'd cook for them:

Day 1
Jacket potatoes and sweetcorn

Day 2
Jacket potatoes and baked beans

Day 3
Jacket potatoes and vegan margarine

Day 4
Jacket potatoes cooked on a BBQ

Day 5
Jacket potatoes and mushrooms

Day 6
Jacket potatoes and well I'm sure you get the idea...

dinosaurkisses · 15/08/2012 23:15

Agree with pp- just be upfront. Tell them your circumstances have changed and you don't have the time and resources to cater for them every night. They would have to have a fair set of swingers to argue with one once you'd told them straight that you weren't in a position to feed at entire extra family for a whole week.

Alternatively, find out a couple of veggie restaurants in your local area- tell them you've felt sooo bad that you are making them miss out on trying these new places whilst they're on holiday by guilting them into eating with boring old family. You simply MUST insist that they try the local version on tomatoes. The non migraine inducing kind (is that even a thing?? Tomato intolerance??)

Babylon1 · 15/08/2012 23:16

I'm with Bobyan Wink

Bobyan · 15/08/2012 23:18

Ooo, what about jacket potatoes a la nage.

I'm actually getting quite excited planning 2 weeks worth of jacket potato based vegan meals...

expatinscotland · 15/08/2012 23:32

'Remember I'm only cooking 2 nights and that's it. We're really skint just now and I'm exhausted so you'll need to make sure you hit a supermarket and stock you all up for the week because I can't afford to feed you all. We'll provide the BBQ and garden, but you need to make sure your guests understand it's potluck or they're in for a shock.'

On night one, veggie curry and rice.

On night two, veggie chilli and jacket pots.

End of.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 16/08/2012 10:59

Thanks everyone, you made me Smile It was such a relief to tell my sister that I was only cooking for 2 nights, now we all know where we stand and I know that their visit will be manageable

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 16/08/2012 11:00

oh and the intolerences are basically attention seeking dinasour! I don't think there is such a thing as tomato intolerence

OP posts:
Pseudo341 · 16/08/2012 11:09

As someone who's been sprayed with red baby weaning vomit I can tell you that tomato intolerance is definitely possible! My mum also used to have it, believe me you can be intolerant/allergic to pretty much anything. Cooking vegan and wheat free shouldn't be that difficult for a week but that's not the point. I'd happily cater for guests for a week but then I have time to cook and can afford it, you don't and can't and they're taking the piss. Since they're staying in self catering accommodation I think you should announce that the new plan is that they'll eat at yours for 3 nights and then you'll come to theirs for dinner for 3 nights, and all eat out for the last night. And definitely don't ever give up your bed for anyone!

Pseudo341 · 16/08/2012 11:10

"oh and the intolerences are basically attention seeking dinasour! I don't think there is such a thing as tomato intolerence"

WTF? Please explain that to my 2 year old, then maybe we can all get some sleep instead of sitting up half the night because she's doubled over in pain.

NovackNGood · 16/08/2012 11:12

Eat before they arrive and when they arrive just offer a drink. Or alternatively do as and one from Edinburgh would do and as they enter the door say in scottish lilt with an upwards inflection at the end..."You'll have had your teeeeee." Roughly translated as...you've no chance of being fed if that is what your after.

SusanneLinder · 16/08/2012 11:25

And if they say "no we havent actually" just say-oh we've had ours Grin

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